Ending BF guilt

mrsbhk22 · August 2013

Short version: I'm tired of being a baby factory and just want to feel like myself again (whatever that means) but I feel guilty for stopping BFing when we could EBF if I wanted to.

tl;dr version: I've spent almost 40 months of my life nursing. Add that to the 27 months I've been pregnant and you've got 5 1/2 yrs of the last 7 yrs that my body hasn't been my own. After all 3 pregnancies, I've tried so hard to lose the PP weight but it just doesn't happen without killing my supply (weight watchers, calorie counting with a nutritionist, running, personal trainers - you name it, I've done it). As soon as I stopped nursing the previous two, the last 10 lbs just fell off.

I'm sick of carrying around an extra 15lbs. I'm emontionally done nursing. She's our last kid so this is IT. We are almost at 1 yr so I've started weaning (and using freezer stash). Suddenly, I'm feeling massive guilt about stopping. My reason for stopping is 100% selfish and vain and those aren't typically traits that I possess.

Anyone else feel guilt? How did you get over it?

jocymama · August 2013

You made it to a year and that is awesome! As long as you are feeding her then you should not feel guilty!

MrsKipper · August 2013

Guilt over here!! It comes and goes, but it's definitely there! I really have no reason to wean other than I'm just ready to be done and have my body back for a bit before we actually start TTC. She's doing really well with whole milk and doesn't seem to miss the one feeding I've dropped so far. I'm just going to keep going forward with weaning and try to make the transition as slow and smooth as possible.

You're not alone in your guilt but I also don't think we should beat ourselves up!

GEM529 · August 2013

I totally agree. I would love to stop pumping and would consider just nursing at night, but I am traveling for a week at the end of September (without DD) so I should just wean her all together. I feel so bad!! She is my last and I will miss our nursing time together.

mrsbhk22 · August 2013

Thanks ladies! I know some of the guilt is residual from my nursing experience with Ds1 (horrible start, always supplemented, DS eventually preferred bottles over me and we ende our relationship early). I wanted to badly to succeed with DS1 and I'm so "eh" about DD.

I appreciate the support. I hate feeling like I'm the only one!

GR8TDANEMOM · August 2013

I feel guilty too. One day I will drop a feeding to get on my way weaning and the next day I nurse again. I think I am going to nurse only before bed. That way I still feel like I am nursing and not letting go completely. Whatever you decide you should never feel bad (easier said than done I know!) You have done great and deserve a break, you aren't vain or selfish at all.

Hyaline · August 2013

Is the guilt only over your reasons--that you feel they're self-centered and not kid-centered? Or are there other reasons you carry guilt about this? I guess--pinpointing why you feel guilt can help you address it. If it's just that you feel selfish doing something for you, well--answer is in your post! FIVE AND A HALF YEARS of your life you've shared your body with another human being. It's ok to want your body back now, and you needn't feel selfish at all given how long you've shared!

If there are other reasons--you're going to miss the relationship or feel it's beneficial to DD, you worry about nutritional elements--remind yourself of all the ways you're fulfilling those needs outside of BFing.

I'll be honest--we haven't started weaning and my reasons to not wean yet feel pretty darn selfish. I like the closeness, I like being able to feed her and calm her super-easily. Let's be frank--any decision (or, rather, any good decision) any of us makes has an element of "selfishness" to it in that we're doing what's best and most comfortable for us as individuals. And that's ok.

linzeek44 · August 2013

#whathyalinesaid

I don't think any reason to wean is less valid than any other reason.

11 months or a year is a HUGE accomplishment. That's a lot of milk and a lot of time.

opaque1997 · August 2013

I had some guilt because I could have tried harder - done things differently - but now that we are weaned? The freedom I feel and the ability to give myself some time / attention / lose the weight (same deal as you couldn't do it until I stopped) - has allowed me to really be a better mommy, I"m in a better mood - I appreciate my time with her more, all in all - taking care o fyou first is REALLY Taking care of LO - so approach it that way... you need this - thus you'll be better for it

mrsbhk22 · August 2013

Thanks everyone. I think @hyaline said was spot on. I've made a lot of choices in the last few years to benefit the kids and very few because its what I really wanted.

@Opaque1997 I hope I feel the same way as you once it's all said and done. Have you had success with weight loss since weaning? I'm scared I won't this time. Boys were born when I was in my 20's. I'm 32 now and afraid things will be different.

I'm ready for the next phase of parenting (ie not parenting infants anymore), but this last little piece is harder to let go than I imagined.

opaque1997 · August 2013

Well I just stopped pumping and started trying to lose weight really in the last 2 weeks (stopped pumping about 3 weeks ago - gave myself a little bit of time)

I've lost a pound (this is normal for me) I just re joined weight watchers (This morning) and am working on signing up with a personal trainer - so I expect it to come off faster (I'm 34 by the way) when I was nursing I tried weight watchers and dropped 4 pounds in two weeks (hence the issue when I was nursing.... )

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