Finances - is there hope?

willy_gert · August 2013

Okay, so we obviously have been talking a lot about finances, etc, recently and so for those of you with a little more life experience than me, I pose this question:

Is there hope when it comes to finances?

I know we could talk about the economy and all the things that affect finances, but I am struggling with seeing the positive/ seeing an end to financial struggle. My DH works two jobs, and I work one and we do not live extravagantly. We also both entered our marriage with a significant amount of debt. We have gotten out from under quite a bit, but it still seems like we will never see the end of it all! So, do any of you have stories or know someone, whatever where even on low incomes were able to finally see some freedom from finances and not constantly struggle?

MomtobeNJ · August 2013

I do think there is hope. It's not easy, but it absolutely can be done if you're willing to commit and make spending cuts wherever possible.

Hyaline · August 2013

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to brag. But we got through a very, very tight financial time with no debt by doing pretty much what Anne said. DH was in grad school on a small stipend and I had the best job I could get in our college town--that still paid under 25K a year. I think we were lucky--we never learned NOT to live frugally so it was easier. That is, we didn't have to cut back, because we never spent more than we could at our lowest.

Anyway, we always paid cash for cars, we were stingy on groceries (and I learned to cook really well, lol), entertainment was taking walks and maybe splitting an ice cream or mocha. No cable, cheapest internet we could get (DH did need internet access at home for school stuff or this would have been negotiable), lived in the less-nice part of town. DH learned to do work on the car himself. Lots of little things, but yeah.

I know it's cliche, but check out Dave Ramsey. Seriously--it's a smack upside the head for most of his callers on his radio show, but it's true that so much of what we feel we "need"--a second car, the house we live in, whatever--are not needs. We need shelter and transportation, but we're choosing how we want to have those things.

Stasi · August 2013

I second @loislayn23. I think there is lots of hope, but it takes some re-imagining of the "American Dream" IMO. I'm lucky to be surrounded by friends and family who value saving, aren't frivolous with cash they do not have, make sacrifices to maintain the lifestyles they value most (SAHM, living green, living urban, etc...), DO not play keep up with the Joneses, etc...

For me personally, it's understanding that holidays/birthdays/events aren't special because I spent $300 on crafting materials or bought the perfect outfit for Kate to wear for Thanksgiving. It's eating in my crappy office while everyone else goes for $10 lunches downtown Chi and immediately throwing away 40% coupons to Baby Gap when I know we don't need anything for Kate, being humble and asking to borrow hand-me-downs from family that are more than willing to share.

I've had to completely rewire my way of thinking and realize that the big picture is more important and than fulfilling the gratuitous need for things right now...In the long run it makes me a much happier, more fulfilled person...

Hyaline · August 2013

Oh! Yes. What Stasi said about asking for help. We've been so inundated with hand-me-downs that I haven't bought much of anything for DD, and we furnished most of our house. It meant not being picky but most of it looks great. And when good friends of our hit really hard financial times, we gave them our car when we got a new (well, used lol) car. It needed work, we worked on it together. But just gave it to them, because they needed it. They were humble enough to accept it. I dunno--friends and family help each other out, and I feel like we're often so prideful about our finances and independence that we have a hard time asking for or even accepting help.

Flamingemu · August 2013

I had to learn to cut back. I lived in the DC metro area right out of college making less than $30k. I had $20k in student loans and almost that in CC debt. I also was a pack+ a day smoker, SBux every day, and frequent eater outer.

I was overweight and broke. I cut back on all my eating out immediately. Learned how to grocery shop on a budget and eat better. I stopped smoking and stopped shopping. Buying new clothes did not make me feel better, losing weight would do that (that was my biggest money suck. I kept buying new clothes to make me feel better, it didn't help).

By the time DH & I got married 4 years later, I had paid off my student loans and cut my CC debt in half. We took all our wedding money to pay down the rest. It took another year or so to pay them off completely.

As I got better jobs, I finally bought a new car (my old one was 13 years old) and DH & I saved a downpayment. Before our house, we lived in a tiny apartment, too far out of the city. My credit score is now ridiculously high and the only debt we have as a couple is our mortgage and my car. Once my car is paid off, DH will buy a new car.

Unknown · August 2013

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tinyhumantoe · August 2013

Yes!

But to make progress without feeling like you're sacrificing/struggling/suffering takes a huge brain revamp. You have to commit and be excited about what you're doing for your future.

And you know what? Where you can, why not make things seem more glamorous for your mind. Focus on the positive changes. Ex: Never keep drinks at home or order them at restaurants because water is the healthiest choice. Grow some garden or potted veggies from the cheap starter plants because home grown veggies are healthy and teach LO about where food comes from. Use your veggies you grew even if it means having tomatoes every day during the summer because you are not wasteful and you're proud of what your plants produced. Turn off lights and don't take unnecessary car trips because it's better for the environment. Cut the cable package because you are a hippy. Haha j/k, do it because game nights and family interaction are very positive for your family. Countless hours of zombified TV time are not healthy. Minimize the amount of crap you buy because you like to keep things simple, uncluttered, and you don't want to contribute to massive consumerism. I plan to drive my dumb toaster car until it becomes a safety concern for transporting myself and my child. To sell early is a loss of my investment, and I'm a smart investor - see? I'm not cheap or living on a budget, I'm a trendy thoughtful hippy. Much cooler.

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Here is the rest of my novel that lead me to the more concise point above:

Honestly leftovers are a big deal with being frugal. Generic or on-sale groceries (brand flexibility). Cable bills. Cell phone plans. General shopping. Gas consumption (my broke sister and her ex always went 2 hours away to hang with his parents on weekends - dudes, that costs a lot of money, $20 x 4 weekends a month, it adds up). Also remember that sometimes new items are available much cheaper through sales than used items at thrift stores. Buying a bunch of shit at garage sales adds up. And all of the $1 McDonalds drinks add up. Drink only tap water (it's healthier anyway). All of the this and that add up. In a week, a month, or 10 years, is THIS going to matter.

And recognize that TB is probably bad for you in this sense - it makes me want to buy stuff. It makes me want stuff. LO's favorite toys are a pampers box, a bottle lid, and a kitchen spoon. If you feel like you want to buy something, give yourself a two week wait on it.

Oh, and your LO is not missing out if you don't take them to chuckee cheeses. Find the free places. Like, anywhere outside. Or a free day at the museum in the winter. A family museum pass is a great gift for a frugal family - maybe plant that seed with your parents - the gift that keeps on giving, and doesn't make annoying sounds with no off button.

Fuck what am I doing on TB today - I promised myself yesterday I would stay off and be productive.

Stasi · August 2013

tinyhumantoe said:

Yes!

Such a big crush on your long, well written, eloquent TB posts :x GET BACK TO WORK!

Stasi · August 2013

And, the Jones' probably aren't that happy anyway, they just have a lot of stuff. (not speaking specifically to any jones family here )

AND they're in debt really bad.

eshee8198 · August 2013

My husband and I paid of $36K worth of personal debt outside of our student loans. There is hope - it just takes dedication. What helped me was writing it all down. We cut out the extravagance, lived in a place that was cheap and functional, and put every last penny towards debt repayment. I kept a record of our total debt, how much we had paid off to date, and what the remaining debt was. The wake-up call for me was realizing that eliminating our debt would be the equivalent of getting a $15K raise. I knew how hard I would work at WORK for that money, it was so much easier to do it at home.

bonjourbelle05 · August 2013

Hyaline said:
know it's cliche, but check out Dave Ramsey. Seriously--it's a smack upside the head for most of his callers on his radio show, but it's true that so much of what we feel we "need"--a second car, the house we live in, whatever--are not needs. We need shelter and transportation, but we're choosing how we want to have those things.

Agree with this....we started doing the Dave Ramsey baby steps and while it is a big commitment it is awesome to know if we stick with it in 5 years or less we'll be debt free except for our mortgage!

IForgotMyLogIn · August 2013

There is hope, we paid off 50k in debt in under 2 years by watching every dime. Find out exactly where your money is going then start cutbacks. We had allowances for things like lunch and "fun" and gave ourselves treats where we could so we wouldn't feel deprived.

tinyhumantoe · August 2013

Stasi said:

tinyhumantoe said:

Yes!

Such a big crush on your long, well written, eloquent TB posts :x GET BACK TO WORK!

Hahaha I think you're in the minority there!!

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