Plans have changed: Full-time Career to Suddely SAHM! Advice?

Sunshine7117 · August 2013

I have worked for a great non-profit for almost 10 years. I love my job, but over the past two years there has be a "restructuring" that has changed the environment, the people here, and how we all feel about coming to work. With all of that being said, I was still trying to land a new job within the 'restructure' so I would have one when baby came.

Well, I interviewed for a few, did not get them---and was about to continue interviewing--when at that point I found out I was eligible for a generous severance package. So because of that I am deciding to leave my job, stay at home for a while, and live off my husbands salary and whatever supplemental $$ we need from the severance. I will be done with my job here a few weeks before my due date.

I was juuuust wrapping my head around working full-time when this happened.....and while I am SO, SO overjoyed to have the chance to stay home, it's a chance I never thought I would have and am not really prepared for I dont think!

Any advice, ideas, tips from SAHM's, future SAHM's or anyone that was ever sort of forced ( happily! ) into the SAHM role?

Tallulahsmom · August 2013

I think the best thing I did for myself was setting a schedule for cleaning and activities. While the baby is certainly a full time job the first few month it is still difficult to go from a career to staying home. Making a schedule will help keep you going and keep you from feeling isolated. I have playdates with other moms and we take the kids to the zoo or park. We do signing time also. It is something you can do with your baby that is interactive. Once you have a routine it will all fall into place and you will love it!

micaelasmakeup · August 2013

Before DD was born I was planning on going back to work full time. After DD came though I just couldn't. Luckily DH and I were in a position to be able to make that decision and I have stayed home with DD for 3 years and been able to work PT on weekend and a little from home. I give so much props to full time working moms. You are going to be so blessed to SAH with LO! My advice is dont hold yourself to what other people think is a (good) stay at home mom. I had in my mind that my house would be perfect and I would spend lots of time at the gym and make fancy dinners every night. And that is just NOT reality, unless you get some kind of illegal drugs to help you;) (which doctors frown upon if you are breast feeding) and you have to verbalize to DH that you need help bc he will feel like if you are at home you don't need his help.

ufsandra85 · August 2013

I went from having a high powered career to being a SAHW. It was a HORRIBLE change for me, I got depressed and some days didnt get out of bed. I resented having to leave my career for my husband. I didnt have a baby at the time but I think having a schedule is a great thing. Having something planned and a reason to get out of PJs helped me a lot too. I am one of those people who work my butt off at work and then come home and don't want to do anything so I kind of just got sucked into the not doing anything. Also before all household chores were split 50/50 it was a huge adjustment for me to have more of that responsibility. I think having a baby will keep you busy but I think staying home it is also important to make sure you get you time and adult time where you just dont talk about being a mom. This was hard for me. All of my adult interaction was with other people and their kids and i missed having adult conversation about grown up things. I also agree with not having your expectations too high. It seems like things take 3 times as long with kids. For a while during this time i watched my neice and nephew and I had this expectation of all these things i would be able to accomplish. Little did i know a 15 min trip to target turns into a 1.5 hour event when you have children in tow. I had to lower my expectations of myself.

annasi83 · August 2013

I agree with pp - if not a schedule, at least have a loose plan of things to accomplish for the day, but not so much that you feel pressured to get it all done!

I always make sure I get out of the house for at least an hour a day. Even if we just walk around the block, it seems to be a reset button for us.

rowanthefrog · August 2013

1) Find a great mom's group - meetup.com is a good place to start looking.

2) Get out of the house every day and shower every day, it will do wonders for your psyche

3) Try to have an activity for yourself, away from baby. It's ok and its good for you

4) Coming up with a schedule to keep yourself organized will also help.

5) Enjoy your time with baby! You can't get those days and weeks back and its a gift to be able to spend that time with your baby

xtina1224 · August 2013

I was a SAHM my son's first year due to my husband being deployed. I can definitely agree with PPs about a schedule and getting out every once in a while. Being cooped up is no good for you or baby. When baby naps, you'll definitely want to take those times to nap as well, or get things done around the house. Good luck!

COLKNO13 · August 2013

Haha - my plans changed in the opposite direction. I was going to be a SAHM, but considering we are putting in a bid on a house TOMORROW and it seems we will need my extra income to make ends meet until my husband's contract is up. But plans change and with kids that's something I have to get used to!

Best of luck to you, I'm sure you will do wonderfully!

Thrall85 · August 2013

set aside time for you to get your hair done or whatever without the baby and take at least one trip a day even if its to just get coffee with or without the baby..i was full time military to sahm... dont get trapped in the chores role or you will get sick and angry about it.

PrimRoseMama · August 2013

rowanthefrog said:
1) Find a great mom's group - meetup.com is a good place to start looking.
2) Get out of the house every day and shower every day, it will do wonders for your psyche
3) Try to have an activity for yourself, away from baby. It's ok and its good for you
4) Coming up with a schedule to keep yourself organized will also help.
5) Enjoy your time with baby! You can't get those days and weeks back and its a gift to be able to spend that time with your baby

Agree!

MamaP19 · September 2013

PrimRoseMama said:

1) Find a great mom's group - meetup.com is a good place to start looking.
2) Get out of the house every day and shower every day, it will do wonders for your psyche
3) Try to have an activity for yourself, away from baby. It's ok and its good for you
4) Coming up with a schedule to keep yourself organized will also help.
5) Enjoy your time with baby! You can't get those days and weeks back and its a gift to be able to spend that time with your baby
Agree!

Yes, yes, yes. All of these, but especially #2 in the beginning. I hated leaving my DD at first, but found that even an hour away for a coffee or trip to the grocery store made me feel totally refreshed. Now that she's 1, going to get groceries by myself is one of my favorite things to do while DH & DD enjoy some quality time.

I didn't join a mommy group until DD was at least 6 months old. I was pretty overwhelmed as a FTM and wasn't really comfortable taking DD places by myself frequently. Now that she's been walking and interacting with other kids it's a lot more fun. One of the best places we go is to the library for story & song time with other kids and moms.

Kfran84 · September 2013

Term life insurance on your husband if you don't already have it. I suggest $500k or $1 mil depending on your COL.

happyturtle03 · September 2013

Definitely make sure that you always carve out some time for yourself, I mean all out get-a-sitter, make an appointment with yourself, this is your time to do what you want... at least once a month, but preferably more often. You might even find a mom friend that you can swap sitting with in order to do that. You need to remember that taking care of yourself is not a luxury, it is a necessity, because if you get burnt out or run down, you can't be all that you need to be for everyone else. I really found taking an art class to be really wonderful for this, it rejuvenates me in ways I cannot even describe and those few hours a week away from my kids really help me be a better mom. I've been doing this since they were little and even after they went to school, it still makes a difference because during their school hours I run errands, clean house, and take my medical training classes, so it isn't like that is "me-time". I plan to continue with the art classes even after this baby is born while I am off other classes until she's about 5 or 6 months old and I begin my radiology tech program.

I was a reluctant stay at home mom when my other two were born. I did it because my DH begged me to after he grew up with a single mom that worked sometimes up to 3 jobs and was never home. It was not what I wanted, but I felt obligated. After about 4 or 5 yrs of it, I was really feeling like I as a person no longer existed. I was only mom, wife, caregiver. I went into a deep depression over it because I felt like I couldn't change things, that I'd be there until my youngest was in school at least. I'm not a selfish person at all, which I know it might sound that way, but it's so easy to lose your own identity as a stay at home mom. That's why I suggested taking time each week to remember who you are and do something just for yourself. But also know that you can change your mind and go back to work or school or whatever you choose at any time and it will not change the fact that you are still a great mom.

Other than those two points, pretty much the other posters suggestions. Find a mom's group, that helps so much. Keep a schedule, it's best for you and baby/kids to do so. Make sure you shower and dress every morning just like you were going somewhere because that way after baby is up and you do decide you want to go somewhere, it's easier for one, but it also stops you getting into a rut and feeling isolated. Which brings me to the last point, don't let yourself be isolated... babies are indeed portable, you can meet friends for lunch, go out and run errands, all that stuff... it might be a little harder at first, but you'll get used to it and you'll do your baby a favor by teaching them very young how to be flexible and cope with being in public and all sorts of little important things you might never think of. I think the biggest mistake that I made was when my second was born and my first was starting to exhibit the more difficult parts of autism, I let that sideline me and turn me into a hermit. I was handling the stay at home mom thing great with my daughter when we still got out and did stuff and met with friends and things like that, but once I stopped and started keeping myself at home and worse, in my bathrobe most days, it went south fast. I know my situation was not the norm, and certainly not an easy one for anyone to handle, but what I'm trying to get at is that it was my own bad choices that made being a stay at home mom such a miserable experience for me personally. My kids and I are doing great now though, and I can see where I went wrong. It sounds like this is a happy thing for you, and you can definitely keep it that way, just be aware of the things you need to do to keep yourself feeling good and positive about the experience. Sorry for the rambling, this is a harder subject for me to talk about without sounding really bad, but I totally mean it as a learn from my mistakes sort of thing. Best of luck and enjoy this new adventure!

imakeeff0rts · September 2013

1. There's an exercise group on post - just a bunch of random ladies that decided on a fitness facebook group to make this little club thing. Basically, they're all a really awesome group of very supportive women who are mostly all moms (people without kids are welcome, too). They bring their kids and strollers, and walk, run, do other kinds of exercises. I go when I can, and it's really helped me to get out of the rut, so to speak.

2. I've been canning baby food. It's actually not really that difficult to do, but it is time consuming which is nice on some days.

3. Find a play group and get to know some of those women now.

4. Is there anything that you've been wanting to do that you haven't had the chance to do? Paint a room, decorate, learn a hobby? I've been learning to sew which has been fun. I was able to make my own breast pads and pee pee teepees.

ceh789 · September 2013

My husband and I are talking through what we want to do - all options are still on the table from going back FT to staying home FT. One thing we did so far is have a very frank discussion about what we would like and expect re: division of household work if I did stay home FT. I think it's reasonable to expect that I'd take one some additional household work but I wouldn't want the expectation to be that I do everything since he's bringing in the cash. I'd encourage you to talk that over before making a decision to make sure you have shared expectations about your responsibilities.

bellc1980 · September 2013

I'm going through this myself. My first is 15 months and I am 13 weeks preg with #2. I always said I would be a SAHM when I had kids, but after 3 months of being home with baby, I realized I missed the adult interaction that I had at work. While I missed DS deeply at first, everyday it became easier. He has a wonderful caregiver during the day and is so happy to see me when I pick him up. I am now wondering if it will be worth juggling a full-time job with 2 infants though. My job is stressful and to come home and care for 2 babies will be exhausting I feel. We will see. Hubby works long hours and isn't home until around 9pm so it's all me when I get home from work.

JessiUF · September 2013

Being home with your child is such a blessing. You get to know them better then anyone else. My advice would be to get out there and meet other SAHM. If not, you will get lonely. I have a great group of SAHM friends now. We spend time together with our kids and help and support each other in any way possible.

calimama2007 · September 2013

This is your first LO? My only advice is to enjoy it as long as you can! At times it may be difficult or stressful, but it will go quickly, especially if you have to go back to work at some point. And definitely get out of the house/talk to other adults/mamas when you can

jessib10 · September 2013

Kfran84 said:
Term life insurance on your husband if you don't already have it. I suggest $500k or $1 mil depending on your COL.

I would suggest this anyway. My brother passed away a couple of years ago at the age of 31. He had no life insurance and left his wife and children wondering how to pay for his funeral (all the family chipped in) and also after he passes my sil had to go right back to work. She had no time really to heal.

imakeeff0rts · September 2013

Also, this is a good time to handle all of those Pinterest projects...

rackey9 · September 2013

Sahm can be tough but it also can be rewarding at the same time. I do recommend taking some mommy and me classes to get you out and joining some mom clubs. It will be a savior of your everyday life of dishes and cleaning.:-)

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Plans have changed: Full-time Career to Suddely SAHM! Advice?

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