advice welcomed

x0cait0x · August 2013

Hi everyone,
so I've had some life changes recently and my life isn't on the track I had once planed on, I ended up leaving my husband because he had a cheating problem and I didn't see an end to it in the future so I made the choice for my mental and physical health to leave him.
I know in my heart of hearts that I need to become a mother to make my life complete, I had held off having children with my husband because I had my suspicions about what he was doing and I didn't want to bring a child into a marriage that wasn't in a good situation and then have them have to go through a divorce and so on.
Since leaving him I have been thinking, that I would perhaps have a child on my own. I mean I work and make my own money always have. I know it would be hard, but its something I think I would be up for, its not a decision I am taking on lightly I am looking for advice from other single moms on what it is like to actually be a single mom. Since I'm not currently one I cant say I know what its really like.
Your point of view would be greatly appreciated,
thanks

ktedmon · August 2013

Maybe try fostering first. I did that for a little over 3 years and had 6 children (all at separate times). I am about to be a single mom, not how I planned it, but learning to accept it and fostering gave a a sense of what to expect. My first foster child was a 2 day old baby boy. I loved him and though it was hard when he was moved after 3 months, I was comforted by the fact that I gave him a good start in life. The only reason he was moved, was because I asked for respite care when I got sick. It's just a thought. Good luck in your decision. If you would like to talk more, feel free to pm me.

mamaHippo23 · August 2013

A few questions to consider:

What is your job? Is it flexible with family-friendly hours? Can you make enough to provide a comfortable life for a child and still spend enough time at home to raise them?

Do you have a strong support system of several people who will help/ love/ support you in an emergency or crisis and also occasionally pitch in with daily care and activities? You can't do it all and will need a small army of child-care soldiers by your side.

Do you feel confident handling all the decisions and basically being the center of this child's world? Sometimes it's really hard dealing with every single detail of their childhood all by yourself. Doctor's visits, education, health issues, beliefs and values, activities, etc etc. Seems like everyday there's something to worry about and it can be emotionally overwhelming to take it all by yourself.

Do you have a stress relief or some activity that keeps you relaxed and focused? I exercise daily and attend church every week to clear my mind and heart. Make sure you have some way of keeping yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally healthy so you have enough energy and patience to be a good mom.

Think it through carefully and whatever you decide, don't be afraid. If you really want a child, just jump in and give it a shot, you will make it work!

Kmalissa08 · August 2013

I was a single mom for the first 18 months of my daughter's life. The best advice I can give you is to make sure you have a good support system. The first 6 months were the hardest for me. My LO didn't sleep through the night until she was 11 months old! My mom would come over and take her for the night sometimes so I would feel refreshed. Also keep in mind that every time the baby gets sick, you'll have to be the one to take him/her to the Dr. and stay home with them until they're better and can go back to daycare. Your work has to be understanding of this. I was hired at an insurance agency when I was pregnant. They knew I was going to be a single mom when they hired me but after my daughter got sick for the 3rd time in 4 months, they were not happy and I ended up having to switch jobs.

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