Back to work 3 days after delivery???

icogburn · June 2013

Sooo, my husband tells me that his mom went back to work 3 days after delivery. I have not confirmed this with her, as I find it appalling and to each his own, BUT..... I believe just based on what I know of her now. Anyhoo, every time he tells me, he says it like that is awesome. Today, he went so far as to say that is why they are so well off and retired now. Uhhh, and I am thinking not missing 8 weeks of work didn't make them financially stable. BUT, then I thought maybe he is saying those things to defend why his mother didn't want to be with him for longer than 3 days. (PS. She was married at the time and she and his dad worked so I don't believe money was an issue, but I could be wrong.) I am trying my best to let these comments go in and out one ear, but on the other hand I am tired of hearing how his mom was this Super Woman. I want to take at least 8 weeks if not 9 or 10. I guess I am just a little worried and need to talk this out with him. But seriously, has anyone ever heard of this?

RedLucia · June 2013

I'm getting comments from the other end of the spectrum!...FIL to my DH, "Are you ready to do everything for her." FIL and MIL to me, "You need to realize that you cannot just keep doing everything that you've been doing." My MIL was getting her PHD and quit that to get married. Then, she had my DH and never held a job again, ever. I am just trying to keep working until the delivery and then, work a bit from home starting a few weeks after delivery.

I have friends with toddlers where the husband has a totally skewed idea about how it was to have a newborn at home, because the mom was talking care of virtually everything while he slept through the night. Ask the mom and you get a totally different story.

I've decided the best approach is to just let their comments go and do what I think is best. Your DH might change his tone once your baby is at home with you. He might think things are a lot easier because of how his parents told him the story. He needs to experience it for himself.

Good luck!

dglvrk2 · June 2013

A friend's mother went back to work after one week. She was single, about 19 and needed to money desperately. My friend stayed with her grandmother.

Most DCs will not take a child until they are six weeks old. Keep this in mind.

I'm a bit of a workaholic. Nevertheless, the ten weeks I took off for DD1 went by quite quickly. I did a little work at home etc. I'm sure I'll take at least 8 this time around.

It sounds like there's bigger issues than just the comment though. Have a talk with your husband. Let him know this bothers you and that you will be taking more time off.

Also, start looking into ML options. Most companies offer some form of compensation for ML. In some states you can get disability. In California, dads can even get disability! DH may take advantage of this; stay home with LO#2 after I return to work.

Bottom line, it's a unrealistic and - IMHO - unsafe expectation. Medical professionals recommend taking six to eight weeks off of work after delivery because your body needs that time to rest. You're not exactly home surfing Facebook and drinking cocktails for hours each day.

ernrs2b · June 2013

I actually work with someone that had her baby on Sunday and returned to work on Tuesday. Kudos to her! I couldn't do it! I'm a firm believer that no one will love your children the way their parents do and if I could stay at home until they were 18, I would. I wouldn't feel a bit guilty, this is your baby and your situation at that. Family comes first, not your job, unless you need the money of course.

StephanieLove10 · June 2013

That. Is. Nuts.

No, I have never, ever, ever heard of that. It's completely insane and I would imagine, unsafe.

This is baby number 3 for me and it took me three days after delivery to have a BM without pain! Go back to work in 3 days?! No way!

Does your husband think the baby just slides out and you're good to go 20 minutes after delivery? Does he think the baby is just going to lay there and coo and sleep from 7 PM to 7 AM immediately after he or she is born? He is in for a rude awakening!

As a PP said, I think there's more going on than the work issue. Talk it over with him.

RedLucia · June 2013

Just today my DH said, "You should be able to work at least 4 hours a day from home while the baby sleeps. Right?"

I said, "Since I'll probably be feeding the baby every 2 hours 24 hours a day, I'm not sure I'll have the brain power to work much at first. Let's see how it goes."

I think DH has no frame of reference for it will be like with a newborn.

icogburn · June 2013

Thank you for the feedback and support. He is on board with me taking whatever time I need and thankfully, I have sick/vacation time plus ML with disability pay. Yea, I don't think we quite gets how much is involved with delivery, but he will. LOL!

emikat · June 2013

I work from home and I'm scheduled to take 5 weeks off from my projected due date. That's my choice and most people think I'm crazy. I have other MIL issues. She didn't gain an ounce during pregnancy so when I told her that I've gained 17 lbs (I'm in my 3rd trimester) she exclaims that's too much, it's not going to stick to the baby! Sigh. You just have to brush it off.

SusanTeach · June 2013

My hubby says to tell you that every time he says this, you should smile sweetly and say, "Aww, that's so cute. You're such a mommy's boy!" Hubby says that this will put an end to these types of comments.

Athena0303 · August 2013

That's crazy, is what I'd say. First of all, wouldn't the BABY be happier being close to you as long as possible? We are cutting back on a lot of things so I can work part-time from home and be with our child. I know everyone can't do that, but if I had to go to work, I'd put it off as long as possible. Bonding with your baby is really important! And plus, HELLO, you will have just gone through labor, not to mention 9 months of pregnancy! Even my husband is taking 2 weeks off after the baby is born to bond as a family!

RNmommyof2 · August 2013

With my first baby I didn't go back to work at all, but opened a daycare in our home when she was 13 months old. With baby #2 I went back when she was 20 weeks and that's the plan for this little one as well. I'm a nurse and a c-section mama - there is no way I could physically handle going back to work that soon.

icogburn · August 2013

Well it is so funny...as the pregnancy has progressed...he is seeing my side more and more. I realized in the end he was defending why his mom wasn't more motherly. Thanks for all the comments. Love reading them!

icogburn · August 2013

I agree. I have worked since I was 15. Being off 8-10 weeks even with a newborn sounds heavenly to me.

fairy_diva · August 2013

lol, 3 days? No thank you! To be honest after a c section I didn't come home until day 3. And our first 72 hours home were living hell. Sorry that sound bad but it was. No one slept, at all. I tried to nurse but evidently never made breast milk and he was starving. So we switched to bottles & formula and he had reflux and would throw up across the room.

and when I nothing for breast milk, I mean it, I never even had pain from my "milk" drying up after we stopped trying.
No way was I ready for work in 3 days, I was barely ready in 3 months!

JenninMA · August 2013

icogburn said:

I agree. I have worked since I was 15. Being off 8-10 weeks even with a newborn sounds heavenly to me.

Oh, yes. Enjoy that heavenly relaxation!

liamsmommy74 · September 2013

My work requires my doctor to give me a release back to work and seeing as though I am having a c-section he won't even give me that until 4 weeks after the c-section. In addition to that I have to be cleared from "employee health" at work (hospital) to go back to work as well so it isn't necessarily even up to me! I can't speak for a vaginal birth because I haven't had one but it seems like kind of early to go back....maybe if the woman worked from home on the phone/internet I could see going back that soon but you really do still need the emotional/bonding time.

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