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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
honeydew01
member
Feeding/eating issues with DD - very long
honeydew01
member
I'm very very stressed out about DD's eating/feeding and I am desperately looking for some advice/feedback.
In advance I apologize that this post is so long but I feel like I need to give enough background for you to be able to see the whole picture in regards to her eating habits.
Background:
DD will be 6 months old on the 3rd. She's EBF right now but at the beginning, the first month of her life, we did do some formula supplementing for her to gain weight. I was having breastfeeding issues and my supply took a long time to come in. Then at 8 weeks she decided to refuse the bottle totally. We tried everything under the sun (my milk, formula, all tips/bottles, different people feeding her..). We gave up on the bottle and continued with the breastfeeding. She was doing alright and gaining weight fine until 4.5-5 month old when she wasn't eating good/regularly and even though I pumped my supply went down the drain. By not eating good I mean she'd lousily suck or easily get distracted and keep unlatching and not wanting to continue or fall asleep at the breast. The last three weeks of July she didn't gain any weight. Because of her not eating well my supply has depleted and she is now frustrated at the breast, kicks or arches back and fights me. I took her to the doctor and she didn't seem concerned saying their weight gain slows down. I understand that the weight gain slows down but I really think she's not getting enough milk.
I saw the lactation nurse again and I've been taking everything from Reglan to Goats Rue, More milk plus, the tea, fenugreek, oatmeal...to increase my supply. The lactation nurse watched me nurse her and after about 30 seconds she's like "there is no more milk, she's not swallowing just sucking.." and she also said she hasn't seen a case where the mom's supply has depleted as much as mine has. Because DD was starting to lose weight the lactation nurse said we have to try to get milk into her by any means possible. We began supplementing using a bottle and milk from my stash. I'd offer her the breast then as she is slowing down on the breast I'd offer her the bottle, it was random if she'd take the bottle. If I offer her the bottle first, she refuses it 100% of the time. I'm tracking everything so the first week she was supplementing on average 11-13 ounce a day. During this time she started gaining weight. Then a week later, she started being fussy and refusing the bottle again.
I've taken her to 2 different peds and they both say that if she's hungry she'd eat and won't starve herself. My issue is that I think she snacks, she eats 5-8 minutes on the breast. I know as they get older they get more efficient but I don't hear her swallowing the whole time so I don't know what she's getting. We feed in a very dark room on the glider with the white noise on. Still, if someone coughs in another room or she hears or sees anything ANYTHING, she's done with the feeding. We've tried to space out the feedings and go with the eat, play, sleep schedule but still struggle with her taking a full meal.
Yesterday, I had to leave her with DH and she went on 5 hours but refused to take a bottle from him. He tried a sippy cup, a cup with a straw as well, spooning it to her.... She wasn't having it.
At this point she takes the bottle (for supplementing) rarely and only gets a few ounces a day in supplementing. She doesn't seem fussy during her activity time but her weight gain in the last 2 weeks has stalled again. Am I crazy for being concerned when the doctors are not?
We're to a point where we are considering switching to formula and bottles only, at least that way we'd have an idea of how much she's eating. It's a hard decision. At the same time given she's not taking the bottle readily I'm not sure if we'll be able to do this.
I'm extremely stressed about her not getting enough milk and not gaining weight as she should and I know stress is really bad for my supply but honestly I don't know how to help it when every feeding is so stressful.
I also feel like I am under house arrest and even in an emergency case like yesterday when I had to leave her with DH, she refuses to eat until I am back.
Are these normal feeding issues of a 6 month old? I see all these women around me with kids who feed anywhere/anytime, they can even leave their kid with their DH or babysitter and it just depresses me even more..
Will there come a day where I could feed her in normal lighting and she'd actually eat a full meal? Should I switch to formula and just count on a few rough days until she gives in and takes the bottle with formula?
How should I ease my mind that the 5-8 minutes of her on the boob is enough? I've lost confidence that my supply is back up even with everything I am taking. I pump and get a few drops to an ounce max. Both doctors said to just trust that she's getting what she needs or decide to switch to formula and don't look back.
I know pretty soon we need to start her on solids but honestly if she's not getting her milk I am not sure how much would introducing solids affect things. I understand that milk should be their main food for the first year.
I'm really sorry for the long, wordy, rambling post and if you made it reading all this, a huge thank you to you!
In advance I apologize that this post is so long but I feel like I need to give enough background for you to be able to see the whole picture in regards to her eating habits.
Background:
DD will be 6 months old on the 3rd. She's EBF right now but at the beginning, the first month of her life, we did do some formula supplementing for her to gain weight. I was having breastfeeding issues and my supply took a long time to come in. Then at 8 weeks she decided to refuse the bottle totally. We tried everything under the sun (my milk, formula, all tips/bottles, different people feeding her..). We gave up on the bottle and continued with the breastfeeding. She was doing alright and gaining weight fine until 4.5-5 month old when she wasn't eating good/regularly and even though I pumped my supply went down the drain. By not eating good I mean she'd lousily suck or easily get distracted and keep unlatching and not wanting to continue or fall asleep at the breast. The last three weeks of July she didn't gain any weight. Because of her not eating well my supply has depleted and she is now frustrated at the breast, kicks or arches back and fights me. I took her to the doctor and she didn't seem concerned saying their weight gain slows down. I understand that the weight gain slows down but I really think she's not getting enough milk.
I saw the lactation nurse again and I've been taking everything from Reglan to Goats Rue, More milk plus, the tea, fenugreek, oatmeal...to increase my supply. The lactation nurse watched me nurse her and after about 30 seconds she's like "there is no more milk, she's not swallowing just sucking.." and she also said she hasn't seen a case where the mom's supply has depleted as much as mine has. Because DD was starting to lose weight the lactation nurse said we have to try to get milk into her by any means possible. We began supplementing using a bottle and milk from my stash. I'd offer her the breast then as she is slowing down on the breast I'd offer her the bottle, it was random if she'd take the bottle. If I offer her the bottle first, she refuses it 100% of the time. I'm tracking everything so the first week she was supplementing on average 11-13 ounce a day. During this time she started gaining weight. Then a week later, she started being fussy and refusing the bottle again.
I've taken her to 2 different peds and they both say that if she's hungry she'd eat and won't starve herself. My issue is that I think she snacks, she eats 5-8 minutes on the breast. I know as they get older they get more efficient but I don't hear her swallowing the whole time so I don't know what she's getting. We feed in a very dark room on the glider with the white noise on. Still, if someone coughs in another room or she hears or sees anything ANYTHING, she's done with the feeding. We've tried to space out the feedings and go with the eat, play, sleep schedule but still struggle with her taking a full meal.
Yesterday, I had to leave her with DH and she went on 5 hours but refused to take a bottle from him. He tried a sippy cup, a cup with a straw as well, spooning it to her.... She wasn't having it.
At this point she takes the bottle (for supplementing) rarely and only gets a few ounces a day in supplementing. She doesn't seem fussy during her activity time but her weight gain in the last 2 weeks has stalled again. Am I crazy for being concerned when the doctors are not?
We're to a point where we are considering switching to formula and bottles only, at least that way we'd have an idea of how much she's eating. It's a hard decision. At the same time given she's not taking the bottle readily I'm not sure if we'll be able to do this.
I'm extremely stressed about her not getting enough milk and not gaining weight as she should and I know stress is really bad for my supply but honestly I don't know how to help it when every feeding is so stressful.
I also feel like I am under house arrest and even in an emergency case like yesterday when I had to leave her with DH, she refuses to eat until I am back.
Are these normal feeding issues of a 6 month old? I see all these women around me with kids who feed anywhere/anytime, they can even leave their kid with their DH or babysitter and it just depresses me even more..
Will there come a day where I could feed her in normal lighting and she'd actually eat a full meal? Should I switch to formula and just count on a few rough days until she gives in and takes the bottle with formula?
How should I ease my mind that the 5-8 minutes of her on the boob is enough? I've lost confidence that my supply is back up even with everything I am taking. I pump and get a few drops to an ounce max. Both doctors said to just trust that she's getting what she needs or decide to switch to formula and don't look back.
I know pretty soon we need to start her on solids but honestly if she's not getting her milk I am not sure how much would introducing solids affect things. I understand that milk should be their main food for the first year.
I'm really sorry for the long, wordy, rambling post and if you made it reading all this, a huge thank you to you!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeding/eating issues with DD - very long
Ok, I feel like an expert in feeding issues for babies and toddlers these days, so let me start by saying you're not alone. Ds was and still is a terrible eater. I EPed for him because he could never latch, so while we never had trouble with the bottle, he only ever took 1-2oz and maybe 3oz when he was closer to 6 months old. Early on we realized he had terrible reflux. Has this been ruled out for your LO? It's SO common and can easily go undetected. So that would be the first thing I'd look into.
As far as bottle refusal goes, dd has been EBF and while she took a bottle here and there, when 3 months hit she absolutely refused it. I had to go back to work at 4 months and she would go all day! I'd literally run home midday to nurse her. Finally dh had a solid week with her alone where he kept at it, trying different techniques, and finally on that Friday she drank a bottle. After that, she eased up and now takes them without any trouble. So, I'd say she held out for 2 weeks!
For the weight concerns, what does she weigh? If she is in a good spot, then I wouldn't worry about how much she is getting. Dd is so easily distracted while BFing! She still eats a lot at night and I'm sure this is why she needs it.
If her weight is taking a hit, then that's good to know and monitor, but I still wouldn't worry yet. Rule out reflux and then get her on the bottle so you can monitor her eating. If you really want to get BM in her then continue pumping a few times per day and bottle feed it, or nurse only once per day, but it sounds like it's best for all of you at this point to move to the bottle perhaps. If you do that and eventually see that she is still not gaining, then it would be good to see a pediatric GI.
Hang in there! I know how stressful feeding and weight issues are. Ds was just over 3lb at birth and even now at 2.5 yrs is so hard to feed, but he's doing great despite that.
Yes, we've had reflux ruled out. Multiple doctors have said that she doesn't have reflux when we suspected colic. Also, when she was younger she was doing this grunting thing at 3-4 am and one doctor suggested reflux medicine to see if it's related and we gave it to her for 3 weeks but it didn't make a difference so we stopped the medicine. The grunting went away on its own.
The problem with going exclusively pumping is that I am not able to get enough milk when I pump. Right now we have a hospital grade pump rented (I have Medela PISA myself) but still I get drops sometimes, sometimes an ounce. I try to relax, I don't look at the thing until 20 minute is up..I drink plenty..still not much gets pumped out. I wasn't able to pump much when my supply was good back in June either. I can maybe get one bottle for her if I pumped every 2-3 hours both day and night. If we go exclusively with bottles we have to switch to formula.
In regards to her weight..she's 16 pounds 1 ounce now. She was born at 7 pound 1 ounce and was 15 pound 12 ounce at her 4 month appointment. We bought a scale when she was little and we have been weighing her weekly (not daily).
Thanks so much again.
We are working on both sippy cups and straw cups. She hasn't mastered either but is more willing to try to the straw cup so we let her play with it.
thank you again for taking the time and sharing your stories. I feel a little better.
You probably will be starting solids soon too. And so offering a straw cup of water might get her used to a cup.
We have a scale too and I have notice a significant slowdown in weight gain (sometimes nothing for a week). My dr put a lot of pressure on me in the early days about weight gain and so I know how stressful it can be. DD was 5lbs14oz full term and is now 12.5lbs for what it's worth.
DD #1: March 20, 2013
DD # 2: May 2, 2015
EDD #3: March 4, 2018
Thanks for writing this. It makes me feel somewhat more normal. To be honest, right now all I hear from friends and family is quite the opposite of this. They all think I am crazy for staying at home with her all the time and not leaving her for extended hours of the day/night for her to learn to accept a bottle from DH or a sitter.
For instance MIL (who has formula fed all her babies and grandkids and please know that I have nothing against formula feeding and in fact I often say I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I started this exclusively breastfeeding thing) thinks breast feeding her on demand is ridiculous..that I have formed a bad habit and tells me constantly that she'll eat from a bottle when she's hungry enough.
Well I have a hard time leaving her for HOURS to starve so she'd take a bottle from someone especially when I am not currently working. If I was working and had no choice, I'd do it but, it's hard for me to go out to have fun and know she's starving at home.
I've heard so many family and friends criticizing me for spoiling the kid and not letting her "explore" and taking breastfeeding too far that honestly I sometimes question myself and wonder if there is any truth to what they're saying..I am a FTM and don't know any better so I when I hear these things I question myself more and more..
For example, MIL insisted that I needed to get out. I explained that I have a 2 hour window after her second nap that I could go out and how quickly she gets tired/hungry depends on how good she feeds when she wakes up from the nap. Off we go to the mall. We get there and DD starts crying. It was so loud that everyone kept going "aww". She suggested going to Nordstrom's lounge and I'd try to feed her. I knew that there was no way with all the noise and commotion that she'd eat. We did try though. First, DD was so distracted by all the lighting and everything (even with the nursing cover) then every person that walked by distracted her. She did not nurse at all. MIL kept saying well she's not hungry, she'll eat when she's hungry.
It's not just her though, almost all of my family members go "so and so's baby is younger than DD and her parents go everywhere and she eats anywhere they go..Just yesterday my aunt said that none of her 3 kids were like my DD..." so hearing all this makes me wonder if DD is the odd ball..
Thanks so much for sharing your story..
I agree with the pp who said the scale is causing you unneeded stress. I'd ditch that puppy. If your dd is making wet diapers, meeting milestones, and satisfying her pedi's growth requirements, it sounds like she's doing great.
Breastmilk is not like formula...ff babies have to take increasing amounts to meet their needs...breastmilk itself changes so the babies get their needs met with drastically less bm than they would formula. So ignore the bottles other babies are taking.
My daughter feeds in 5-8minutes. Her weight has greatly slowed down from 4-6months. She is currently hovering at 16lbs at just under 6months.
IN the last few weeks she is IMPOSSIBLE to feed with any distractions. She gets soooo excited at any sounds and wants to see it..."forget the boob, I can have that anytime let' go check out the noise mom"
How many wet diapers a day are you getting? How is her mood is she acting hungry...is she demanding the breast then freaking out after a minute or two? My daughter used to feed every 2hrs on the dot for the first 4 months...then wham she would go every 3+ during day and every 4 at night. BUt it took me time to realize this and I was still trying to feed her every 2hrs. She'd see the boob get really excited but once the milk flowed she'd get grumpy and be on and off and looking around. I eventually realized she just wasn't hungry, I was feeding because I had fallen into her old routine so much I stopped waiting for her to ask!
Personally I would watch her cues, feed when she asks for how long she asks, Count diapers. Do all you have been doing to increase your milk. Wait till her 6month appointment. At that time assess things. Once she begins solids she will be getting food that you can measure so that will relax you more. If she is not dehydrated and she is relatively happy with her milk intake then it should work out.
In regards to weighing her on the scale before and after..we have done that even though the scale is not as precise as a hospital grade one.