TTC and fear of labour

Mrs.DeRuysscher · August 2013

My fiance and I have discussed and decided we want our wedding night to be the first night we start trying for a baby. Its something we both have wanted for a while. Now that I am looking into what I should do yo get healthy in next two months change my diet ect. The fear of labour has become to stick in my head. O absolutely hate needles and pain I'm terrified of the unknown and of the pain and needles its really sticking to me. I watched my god sister through labour and birth of her second child and I felt so horrible for the pain she was going through I know I don't want to have a epidural just from the fear( well i also pass out faint from needles) but I know epidurals help with pain. My fiance is amazing and keeps saying it will all be ok but I'm scared. What do you do to help get over the fears.

LaDyBostonRN · August 2013

First of all, the night of your wedding might not be the exact right time to successfully conceive. Learn about your cycle.

Second, I've never had a child, but from what I hear from friends and family members, the pain of labor is so bad that an epidural needle feels like nothing. Don't let your experience with one child birth taint your idea of labor.

Third I think your Finance is right.

Only you can be ready ... when you are ready. Good Luck

ETA: BWI. Hope it worked out.

jschwind22 · August 2013

Woman's bodies are made to birth children. Millions of women who have fears of needles, pain, ect ect ect have babies, and then come back and have more! You just do it, and then you hold your baby and forget about all the pain (or at least that's what people tell me lol).

Mrs.DeRuysscher · August 2013

Thank you for advice... and it just happends that my expected ov is two days after our wedding night.. I have had blood taken but bad experiences with them which makes it harder.

Klawre05 · August 2013

Having gone thru labor for 32 hours and then having an emergency c, I will say it is nothing like I expected. I think you will get over that needle fear and get the epidural, in that moment nothing but not feeling pain and getting the baby out will matter one bit. How many people have babies, and not just one but do it again and again? Sure needles aren't fun, but the prize at the end is well worth the very quick stick.

sschwege · August 2013

You should check out Hypnobirthing. I had a wonderful experience both times.

LaDyBostonRN · August 2013

Sgreen19 said:

Thank you for advice... and it just happends that my expected ov is two days after our wedding night.. I have had blood taken but bad experiences with them which makes it harder.

How do you know this?!?!?

BankerBSN · August 2013

Please read "birthing without fear". Educate yourself on the process. That takes away a lot of the fear.

maltwin1 · August 2013

I will tell anybody that getting an epi is the very best thing I ever did for me. I wasn't ever planning on delivering naturally because I wanted to be comfortable and be able to enjoy the birth of our son. As far as being uncomfortable with needles, I don't think I ever really even saw it. The anesthesiologist came in with his tray and it was sitting on the tray, but after that you bend over with your head practically on your knees and they are putting in the epidural behind you. All you have to do is sit still and it's done...you don't see a thing! I felt no pain for the rest of the delivery and gave birth to a healthy baby boy...13 hours after my water broke.

jenb_99 · August 2013

I went through a weeklong induction process that failed miserably, and I ended up having a c-section. It honestly wasn't that bad.

Having a baby does hurt, whether you give birth vaginally or the baby enters the world through the sunroof. But you're so exhausted and overwhelmed and excited that you don't have much time to think about the pain, and by the time you realize you're hurting, you also remember you got a baby as your prize, so it's worth it.

xnbride · August 2013

Knowledge is power and will be key to help you work through your fears. So my advice is to research, research, research. It is true that childbirth is a natural process and our bodies are designed for it; it is also true that it is intense experience and preparation to handle it will prove to be very helpful. I do not recommend going into it without understanding why there is pain and the purpose that it serves. I found so much comfort in knowing that the pain was there for a reason and at the end of it all, I would get to meet my baby.

Do I think that labor is unbearable? No. I have had 3 natural labors and I hope to do it again -Godwilling. All throughout my pregnancies any time I felt uncomfortable I just thought that it was all part of a wonderful process that I was lucky enough to be a part of. When my hips spread to accommodate baby and caused pain, I felt thankful that my body was stretching and growing to help baby get into a good position. When I had weeks of prodromal labor, I knew that each contraction that I experienced now was one less then I had to experience later. During labor when the contractions came, I took each one at a time-like a wave-rolling over me-as baby and I worked together to bring him into the world.

It is all about perspective and attitude. Yes, there is pain involved but it is with a purpose and it is all worth it. So learn about your body and childbirth and keep an open mind. You can do this! You were made to do this!

BankerBSN · August 2013

maltwin1 said:

I will tell anybody that getting an epi is the very best thing I ever did for me. I wasn't ever planning on delivering naturally because I wanted to be comfortable and be able to enjoy the birth of our son. As far as being uncomfortable with needles, I don't think I ever really even saw it. The anesthesiologist came in with his tray and it was sitting on the tray, but after that you bend over with your head practically on your knees and they are putting in the epidural behind you. All you have to do is sit still and it's done...you don't see a thing! I felt no pain for the rest of the delivery and gave birth to a healthy baby boy...13 hours after my water broke.

I have been attending births for close to 10 years now. An epidural is meant to take away pain, but can not take away pressure. You will feel pressure and burning and discomfort. Too many women believe that you you will feel nothing during the process and flip the fuck out when they do. I have also seem plenty Epidurals fail.

Epidurals are not the cure all and they are not for everyone. I still think all women, regardless of their choose of pain management methods, should educate the self on a normal labor process and what is happening to the body during this time.

starsinger17 · August 2013

I was worried about labor with my 1st but then when my water broke it was like my entire view point changed and I got super focused and ready to roll. There was no more fear just focus and excitement. I just focused on my breathing and lasting as long as I could about drugs but once I got to 7 cm I didn't care about any needles I wanted the epidural like nothing else. Fear is normal but once you're faced with it in the actual situation all you can focus on is baby.

maltwin1 · August 2013

Banker&BSN said:

maltwin1 said:

I will tell anybody that getting an epi is the very best thing I ever did for me. I wasn't ever planning on delivering naturally because I wanted to be comfortable and be able to enjoy the birth of our son. As far as being uncomfortable with needles, I don't think I ever really even saw it. The anesthesiologist came in with his tray and it was sitting on the tray, but after that you bend over with your head practically on your knees and they are putting in the epidural behind you. All you have to do is sit still and it's done...you don't see a thing! I felt no pain for the rest of the delivery and gave birth to a healthy baby boy...13 hours after my water broke.

I have been attending births for close to 10 years now. An epidural is meant to take away pain, but can not take away pressure. You will feel pressure and burning and discomfort. Too many women believe that you you will feel nothing during the process and flip the fuck out when they do. I have also seem plenty Epidurals fail.

Epidurals are not the cure all and they are not for everyone. I still think all women, regardless of their choose of pain management methods, should educate the self on a normal labor process and what is happening to the body during this time.

You are right, I did still feel some pressure. My statements were just what I experienced at my own labor when my son was born. I actually had an epi and was a huge fan. The OP should definitely chose what she thinks is best for her.

Marcilene1 · August 2013

It is important to educate yourself about pain management as well as typical hospital procedures during your pregnancy (or before). At the same time, be prepared for whatever your expectations are to go out the window when push comes to shove. With my first I had a 15ish page birth plan and my husband was so good about trying to keep me focused on it, but in the end I wanted the goddamn epidural and I got it just in time. For my second I was so afraid of getting to the hospital too late for the epi and guess what? I was too late, but I survived and it gave me a lot of confidence that my body is pretty amazing and can handle a whole lot more than I thought it could.

Also, it is waaaay early to be afraid of labor. One step at a time

OneAndNotDone · August 2013

Totally not trying to burst your bubble here, but please don't be upset if you don't conceive on your honeymoon. It may happen, but it may not. My wedding day was smack dab in the middle of my cycle and AF showed up the night before I got married. I was on my damn period throughout my honeymoon. Stress and hormones can mess a body up.

As far as the pain goes...DS was born via scheduled c-section. Sure, it was painful. Recovery sucked, but there are so many other exciting things happening that the pain is kind of put on the back burner. It will be ok.

Daisylola11 · August 2013

I agree with PP research research research. I've always been interested in labor and delivery and so my fear wasnt as bad once I learned how it all happens and why you might feel the way you do.

Also I think there's way too much negativity and fear from society on how woman labor and deliver, there's many books and documentaries that can help you change your perspective on the whole experience

Mrs.DeRuysscher · August 2013

Thank you everyone it really is a lot of help.
Bad experiences is not just the fainting/blacking out but I have too smal of veins in my arm and large ones in my hands as well I know if I do need blood taken or iv put in must be done in my hand( learned this from a nurse) I have had too many nurses who I have explained this to not listen and try and stick it in my arm which is extremely painful much more then if they do it in my hand. I know they say hand hurts worse but it actually doesn't for me.

And I know about my ov day because I am tracking it and its scheduled to come around 2 days after... generally I have extremely small af lasting maybe 3 days once in awhile 4 days.

StacyJYay · August 2013

Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I too had a birth-related fear/concern, mine was about delivering vaginally -- regardless of whether I had an epidural or not. Ultimately, I chose a c-section (which my doctor supported), but had this not been an option I would have spent the entire pregnancy in agonizing fear.

I'm not at all suggesting an elective c-section for you (especially since it involves even more needles AND surgery). Rather, I'm encouraging you to come up with a plan that will best mitigate your concerns, whether that's working with a doula, recruiting your mother/best girlfriend to be in the delivery room with you, trying to gain greater familiarity with blood draws/needle stick practices (sort of like a systematic desensitization approach).

Best of luck to you with the wedding and TTC!

Valancyy · August 2013

I agree with the PPs who said to do research. Read about the process of labor and birth stories.

I've had 2 vaginal births, and yes, it's painful. Very painful (I had no pain meds with my 2nd, minimal with my 1st). Yet, I'm back trying for #3, to do it all over again. It's something you can definitely handle.

jcsumm0 · August 2013

Knowledge is power. Read Birth without Fear, read Hypnobirthing, read one of Ina May's books about birth. Your body was meant to do this. I had no pain medication during my labor. Was it hard? Yes. Did it hurt? Yes. Did I ever beg for the epidural? Nope (I am still freaked out by the thought of a needle in my spine!)

I would do it over in a heartbeat. It was the most powerful and empowering experience of my life.

Is a birth without medication for everyone? No. Your body, your choice. But it doesn't have to be scary, and the way to make it less scary is to educate yourself.

HeidiP14 · August 2013

It's not really so bad. Every birth is different. I loved giving birth it was my favorite experience ever. I didn't think the pain was all that bad either but I do have high pain tolerance. If you are thinking of getting the epidural to help with the pain and afraid of that just try not to look at the needle and just breathe. The payoff is well worth it.

SkeeterMom08 · August 2013

I have an extremely low pain tolerance. I'm a total puss, but I'm not afraid of needles for some reason. Anyway, I had a scheduled C section with my son and had a spinal. I seriously didn't even feel it, and they had to try 4 times because I had so much fluid. You are so excited and anxious that you really don't even care. You just want to hold your baby.

cnc6953 · August 2013

I have always been a huge weiner about needles, but like everyone else has said, it allgoes out the window when you're in labor. My labor was 26 hours, 12 hours spent at home, and the epidural was nothing. They give you a local anesthetic first, so you can't even really feel it. And yes, labor is very painful. But it's really a different kind of pain, in my opinion, don't compare it to breaking a bone or something. Your body is made to do it and it's a totally different experience than what you would expect. For me, it was nothing like what you see in the movies, screaming and cursing and wanting to kill your husband. Don't get me wrong though, the whole time I was telling myself, "you are NEVER doing this again!!" But a couple days later, I was totally fine with the idea of having more babies. You'll do great!

Tamma254 · August 2013

I think the fear of labor is pretty common. It's sort of like the fear of the unknown, seeing someone else experience it isn't quite the same as experiencing it yourself. Or even a second delivery won't be the same.

With DS1, labor went very quickly, by the time the fear even had the chance to catch up with me, he was already in my arms. Hell, I was already thinking about #2 before he had his first BM.

With DS2, I thought I was good. I made it through L&D once with no epi I could do it again. That was until I needed to be induced. With him, I ended up having to have an emergency C, because he wouldn't drop.

Two births, two very different experiences.

kmwills · August 2013

I'm not going to lie to you - childbirth is painful. But I think you knew that. And as PPs have said, it's what our bodies were designed to do. To me, the epidural felt like a little prick, like touching a thorn on a rose bush. You can't see the needle, because it's going into your back. And when you're in the middle of labor, your hormones and adrenaline are running the show...you're just along for the ride. It's truly amazing. I can't tell you if your ready to have a baby, but don't let the anticipation of labor scare you.

Mrs.DeRuysscher · August 2013

Thank you everyone it really is a lot of help.
Bad experiences is not just the fainting/blacking out but I have too smal of veins in my arm and large ones in my hands as well I know if I do need blood taken or iv put in must be done in my hand( learned this from a nurse) I have had too many nurses who I have explained this to not listen and try and stick it in my arm which is extremely painful much more then if they do it in my hand. I know they say hand hurts worse but it actually doesn't for me.

And I know about my ov day because I am tracking it and its scheduled to come around 2 days after... generally I have extremely small af lasting maybe 3 days once in awhile 4 days.

Mrs.DeRuysscher · August 2013

Some reason my one comment repeated... Im not expecting to get pregnant right away I understand it takes time it's just we are going to start trying on our wedding night. again thank you everyone on the advice i am gonna read and look up the information you ladies have given me

MrsAMB07 · August 2013

I've gone through two labors, one with an epi and one without. I got the epi pretty much out of a fear of feeling labor the first time. Surprisingly I much preferred the natural birth the second time. My point being that each person, each labor is different. You can't compare yours to the one you witnessed, even though it maybe hard not to do.

I definitely agree that knowledge is power. Try to research as much as you can about the process, different methods, and pain medication choices. It should help you feel a bit more prepared and empowered.

shartsatnoon · August 2013

Klawre05 said:

Having gone thru labor for 32 hours and then having an emergency c, I will say it is nothing like I expected. I think you will get over that needle fear and get the epidural, in that moment nothing but not feeling pain and getting the baby out will matter one bit. How many people have babies, and not just one but do it again and again? Sure needles aren't fun, but the prize at the end is well worth the very quick stick.

^wss. It's sooo worth it and in that moment, you'll probably take a needle over feeling the pain. The needle was nothing compared to the contractions. Plus, they put it in your back so you can't even see it.

TravelingCouple · August 2013

OP, I can completely relate to the fear of needles and pain. I passed out from a TB test and that is the smallest needle in existence...so, yeah. Women would tell me that when the time comes, you just get through it, either by instinct or, because you have to. I was recently pregnant and had to have blood work done when I suspected a possible M/C. I have never, ever gotten blood work done that I can remember for fear of needles. Well, I can tell you, I didn't pass out. I knew that I was getting this done for my baby's sake and that it was vital to know what was happening. I also found out I'm RH- so I'll need the Rhogam shots throughout pregnancy too. I got one the same day of the blood work and didn't pass out from that one either! Trust me, for me, that was a miracle both times. I never believed woman who told me this before, but it really is true that you just pull yourself together and get through it because you have no other choice. And, if you do end up passing out or something, you'll be at a doctor's office/hospital and they will take care of you until you're feeling better. At least now I know I can do it when I get pregnant again and hopefully go full term through labor too.

ETA: Quote fail. TB, you really need to fix the quoting errors! Either they don't work, or it makes your whole post look like a quote..

buggirl72 · August 2013

Banker&BSN said:

maltwin1 said:

I will tell anybody that getting an epi is the very best thing I ever did for me. I wasn't ever planning on delivering naturally because I wanted to be comfortable and be able to enjoy the birth of our son. As far as being uncomfortable with needles, I don't think I ever really even saw it. The anesthesiologist came in with his tray and it was sitting on the tray, but after that you bend over with your head practically on your knees and they are putting in the epidural behind you. All you have to do is sit still and it's done...you don't see a thing! I felt no pain for the rest of the delivery and gave birth to a healthy baby boy...13 hours after my water broke.

I have been attending births for close to 10 years now. An epidural is meant to take away pain, but can not take away pressure. You will feel pressure and burning and discomfort. Too many women believe that you you will feel nothing during the process and flip the fuck out when they do. I have also seem plenty Epidurals fail.

Epidurals are not the cure all and they are not for everyone. I still think all women, regardless of their choose of pain management methods, should educate the self on a normal labor process and what is happening to the body during this time.

This. I also want to add that it is never too early to educate yourself on the labor process. I went in to pre-term labor and had a vaginal delivery at 20 weeks. I was thankful that I had already read books on the birthing process because at least I was prepared. Your body is designed to give birth and knows what it is supposed to do.

PrimRoseMama · August 2013

Good luck on the honeymoon baby!

DD I went med free. It was painful, but you get in the zone. After the glucose tests and blood draws throughout pg I got over my fears pretty quick when it came to needles. You simply do what you have to do.

DS I had 12 hour labor and got the epi when I got to 9cm. My body was wracked with pain, DS wasn't dropping and I started to panic. The epi allowed me to relax, get a tiny bit of rest and let my uterus do the work it needed to do without me spazzing. I could still feel pressure (that was uncomfortable)but no pain.

If I am lucky enough to have Take-Home Baby #3 then I am going for the epidural again, but much sooner. Having to sit through the insanity and be stone still when they were placing it (they don't stop for your contractions. They expect you to. "Breathe through them") was possibly the hardest part of the labor for me. All I want to do with that pain is move!

So, every experience, every pregnancy, and every labor is different. I wouldn't get too wrapped up in the cart before horse issue of labor just yet. Cross that bridge when you come to it. You have possibly a year of TTC and 9 months of pregnancy to plan, prepare and educate yourself on the process/options.

The very best to you.

AllyTales · August 2013

Banker&BSN said:

Please read "birthing without fear". Educate yourself on the process. That takes away a lot of the fear.

Great advice. I've never given birth, but I know this is true in so many aspects of our lives. I've read and researched birth until I'm blue in the face, and I've never been pregnant yet.. but used to have similar fears as you, and they've washed away. Learning about the process can be a powerful thing. You'll never know how it will go until you're going through it, but knowing as MUCH as you can can help ease fears.

Honestly, I'm kinda excited to birth

TTC and fear of labour

Re: TTC and fear of labour

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