oh dear... — The Bump
One & Done: Only child

oh dear...

I joined this group when it started and have been kind of MIA ever since.  Work and my crazy toddler have consumed my life for the past... how many?... months!  So, first off... Hi again!

My daughter is 20 months today.  Can't believe she is almost 2.  Where did the time go?  I work with special needs kids and today we had a beautiful little 8 week old girl come in the clinic.  She was so squishy and sweet.  Thoughts of "I could do this again" and "oh I just want to squeeze her" came in my head.

We had a difficult time getting pregnant and staying pregnant... then I had a miserable pregnancy... labor and delivery was awful... and her first year?  That was a nightmare!  Let me clarify... I do NOT ever want to do it again.  Under any circumstance.  I am 100% OAD!

But do any of you have those pangs of, "maybe I could do this again".  Even though you KNOW you are OAD?  Am I absolutely crazy?!  I can't talk with anyone else about this because they'll start the whole "you should just have another" debate.  I figured of all people, you ladies would understand.
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Re: oh dear...

  • Ds was sweet in helping a younger boy overcome a fear of the slide at the playground today. It made me start thinking that he would be a great big brother. I spent the rest of the time chasing him thinking, "There's no way I could chase two like this." We had such a good time.

    Welcome to the board!
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  • I get a bit of baby fever from time to time. There was a tiny baby at the doctor's office yesterday. She was adorable. And then she sneezed. My ovaries cried just a tiny bit. But we are OAD. It took IVF to get pregnant, I developed Pre-e/HELLP Syndrome and then crippling PPD. And, I just turned 42. Really, we are done. But that tiny baby sneeze made me feel a bit wistful. I get it.
    ~*~*~*~ Smudges*Mom is Marni~*~*~*~

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    Our IVF miracle was born at 41w6d while Daddy was deployed to Iraq.
    Marni is a pre-e/HELLP Syndrome and PPD/PPA survivor!
  • Every day, I think "maybe".  There are things that I regret about my son's early months - I spent a lot of time being scared and tired - and I think I could do it again better.  But just because I could do this again doesn't mean I should do it again, lol.  I have a lot of good reasons not to, not the least of which is my own personal health issues, and I when I debate seriously whether or not a second kiddo is doable, I always come back to the same answer: "Um, no."
  • Not often, but my sister just had her second child, and I thought how nice it would be to have two children, but then I know how good I have things right now.  DS starts kindergarten this month and we can afford private school, a sitter for date nights, I don't have to share my body for nine months and then for another year with nursing, etc.  We would have to pay for child care for the new one AND private school for DS, since I would not resign to SAH like I did with DS.  I also turn 40 this year and I feel like I'm on to the next chapter of my life.

    I experienced all of that and I enjoyed it, but I don't want to do it AGAIN---and have our finances unnecessarily stretched to provide for another family member:-)  Our family is already great the way it is.

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    JoAnna914[Deleted User]legalbeagle1[Deleted User]
  • I've been there!  Tiny newborns will get me every time.  I then go home and smooch DS and realize how good I have it!  

    I do agree that the only other time I think about it is when I see DS helping out a little on at daycare or at the park.  I also think he would be a great Big Brother but he is also an awesome cousin, nephew, friend, ect.
  • Hi! I just stumbled on this board a week or so ago, I'll do a formal introduction soon :)  I knew I was OAD when I was 3 months pregnant, and I stuck by that. Even convinced DH who had wanted 2.

    But then, right around when DS turned 2 this past December, that little thought popped in my head... Oh, I could do it again; DS would be a great big brother; I would be better prepared this time... Every negative that I had thought of before suddenly became a positive or insignificant.  DH was still in the OAD mindset, but he said he would not deny me a second if it's what I REALLY wanted. So I have been thinking on it. And truthfully, for these past 7 or 8 months, I have not consistently wanted a second. I have had days or even weeks where I can't believe that I'm not pregnant and I research hospitals and midwives. But it always subsides.

    A friend told me she had heard somewhere (old wive's tale) that babies lose their baby smell around 2, and the itch to have another starts up. That's what happened to me. But it's gone. I was never 100% convinced to have a 2nd -- probably because I WAS 100% convinced to stop at 1, lol. Babies are cute but a lot of work. And I do think DS would be a great big brother, but I also think it would inevitably change him; and I can't know if that change would be good or bad. And so I think we'll stick with the good that we've got :)
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    JoAnna914
  • Honestly, no!  Having my H snipped help.  No thoughts like that enter my head, because it's impossible.

    I think I've had baby fever once- and it lasted 4 seconds.  I'm SOOOO OAD, that I just don't get those feelings.  I don't have any desire, maybes, etc.  I just don't want it.  When I see a newborn, my first thought is "UGH. Thank goodness *I* can sleep tonight!!!"... then I think the baby is cute as a second thought ;)
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  • Yes.  Since DD turned 1, I get pangs of wanting to do it again even though I am resolute in being OAD.

    She has brought us such joy that I get sad that we won't experience it again, but OAD is right for us.

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  • Yes, I do ... to the point where sometimes it's hard for me to admit I'm OAD. While I absolutely do not want a second right now, part of me is scared that I'm going to regret it in the future. I can't shake it.

    What helps is to sort of envision my life both ways -- and being OAD always comes out on top. So that's what I'm going with. And if I "change my mind" once it's too late, I hope I can forgive my younger self.

    Also, there's a difference between nostalgia and wanting a second. I get nostalgic. But I know that having a second WON'T be the same as having my first again. And then I just try to cherish this age as best I can.
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  • Pretty much exactly what GM said. Every time I get the inkling for another, my crazy 2 yr old brings me back to earth. The terrible two's can go fuck themselves. (Disclaimer: my daughter is still the most awesomelly amazing little person ever LOL)
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  • We haven't had the official we're OAD discussion, but in my heart I know we are (our ages/financial situation pretty much confirms we need to be).  The only time recently I've truly had a pang of wanting another was when I saw these two little boys together the other day.  They were clearly brothers (looked so much a like) and one was maybe a year or two older than the other.  I just had this wash of "oh, I wish DS had a brother around his age.  It's be so fun to have two boys!"  It's funny, though, because I always thought if I had a boy, I'd definitely want a girl.  But, when I do have these pangs, it's always about DS having a brother.  Then the reality sets in of having two little wild men running around the house and I'm back to being okay with OAD!
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