Unsolicited advice from "older" moms

Fitnessteach2010 · August 2013

When asked his DD sleeps, I said "not very well". The response from at least 7 older women was "Give her cereal". I said, "I will not do anything without checking with the pedi. ". The response was, "Fine, then don't sleep". Then my MIL, who is a nurse says, "Just put cereal in her bottle". Then she proceeds to tell me she didn't do that but maybe I should try. My issue is that these moms/grandmas in their 50's and 60's need to understand the world has changed a lot in 30 years. Vent over. Just frustrated.

sparkymcgeee · August 2013

I bite my tongue a lot when it comes to that advice. Or when I see someone give their baby cereal at an inappropriate age. It's their child and I know I don't take kindly to people telling me I'm doing something wrong so I try not to butt in. I really want to though.

kalemi · August 2013

I can't stand people with their frickin cereal advice and how it apparently fixes all problems. At least they just made the suggestion. My MIL spoon fed DS an entire bowl of cereal while I was gone at the grocery. Seriously, bish? I'm his mother. Don't just do shizz without asking me and then get all defensive when I go off on you and then tell me you know what's best because you've raised soooo many kids. He is my son, I know what's best for him.

Needless to say, he will never ever be left unsupervised with her again. It makes my blood boil thinking about it.

kalemi · August 2013

Sorry to vent on your post lol. I saw red for a moment

jemasa33 · August 2013

I'm sorry but no matter what the studies say, I've noticed that cereal does help them sleep longer. I've only used oatmeal in the bottle because the pedi told me to, but every time my boys slept longer. I think the older generation says that from experience, but they are just unaware of recent recommendations.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

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Fitnessteach2010 · August 2013

@kalemi: It's totally fine. Vent away. My MIL drives me nuts too.

miss2697 · August 2013

My MIL is CONSTANTLY telling me this. And she almost brags about how DH was eating smashed up bananas along with rice cereal at 2 1/2 weeks old. He was born 10 pounds and is 6'3 today.

PrimRoseMama · August 2013

kalemi said:
I can't stand people with their frickin cereal advice and how it apparently fixes all problems. At least they just made the suggestion. My MIL spoon fed DS an entire bowl of cereal while I was gone at the grocery. Seriously, bish? I'm his mother. Don't just do shizz without asking me and then get all defensive when I go off on you and then tell me you know what's best because you've raised soooo many kids. He is my son, I know what's best for him.

Needless to say, he will never ever be left unsupervised with her again. It makes my blood boil thinking about it.

Um, WTF? She isn't the one that will sit up with him when he's got tummy troubles & constipation. That's so over the line!

emandia · August 2013

I seriously hear that advice ALL the time! Wth.

emmanemm · August 2013

I hate advice like that! It's so hard to bite my tongue.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

I have yet to get this advice...how annoying for you all. Also, who feeds someone else's baby cereal while they aren't there, grrr!

Bmore721 · August 2013

I feel your pain, OP! I hate receiving advice from older mothers (esp. my mother and all 4 of my aunts) who are convinced that they know better because they read ALL the books in the 80s or 90s. I don't care what you read 30 years ago or what your (now retired) pediatrician recommended. Times have changed. I am *not* going to give LO water, feed her cereal, put bumpers in her crib, let her sleep with a pillow and stuffed animals, let her CIO at 7 weeks old, or [fill in the blank]. And my parenting decisions are not up for debate, so save your breath and stop gossiping behind my back. Just. No.

Thinking about bringing a pair of earplugs to the next family gathering.

@kalemi: I am so angry at your MIL for you!

cuterusaurus · August 2013

Asbromle said:
I have yet to get this advice...how annoying for you all. Also, who feeds someone else's baby cereal while they aren't there, grrr!

Yeah, this

babyk1228 · August 2013

kalemi said:
I can't stand people with their frickin cereal advice and how it apparently fixes all problems. At least they just made the suggestion. My MIL spoon fed DS an entire bowl of cereal while I was gone at the grocery. Seriously, bish? I'm his mother. Don't just do shizz without asking me and then get all defensive when I go off on you and then tell me you know what's best because you've raised soooo many kids. He is my son, I know what's best for him.

Needless to say, he will never ever be left unsupervised with her again. It makes my blood boil thinking about it.

This makes my blood boil a little too because this is my ultimate fear with MIL, that she'd do something she knows I don't approve of just because she thinks she knows best because she had five kids who "turned out fine".

At his one month the pedi gave me a packet of "what to expect at this age" info like they do every appointment and under nutrition the first thing was "DO NOT give your baby cereal or any other solids until at least four months of age". I took a picture of it and sent it to MIL. Clearly this bad advice has circulated so much that pedis are very aware of it. I'd like to TP whoever started this advice trend forever ago!!

jemasa33 · August 2013

@kalemi its strange she spoon fed your baby cereal. They don't even have the tongue thrust to swallow it until 4 months. They just spit it out all over themselves. The good news is because of that reflex, she probably didn't eat much of it.

arlingirl · August 2013

maryannespier said:

My grandmother is OBSESSED with burping. She's constantly asking if he burps well, telling me I don't burp him enough, etc. I just smile and nod. She must have had a burping obsessed pediatrician at some point.

So does my mom...

kalemi · August 2013

jemasa33 said:

@kalemi its strange she spoon fed your baby cereal. They don't even have the tongue thrust to swallow it until 4 months. They just spit it out all over themselves. The good news is because of that reflex, she probably didn't eat much of it.

Idk, he was swallowing. He didn't throw any of it up at all and had none on him when I walked in. She had him sitting up IN MY HUSBAND'S LAP (I wanted to punch dh in that moment for not listening to me all the time I'd mentioned cereal is not good for him) and was using one of her baby spoons and was just feeding it to him. When I first walked in I froze in shock because I didn't know if I was seriously seeing it. But he was swallowing and had none on bib and he didn't throw any of it up. Granted, it was pretty watered down...so maybe that was why? He was not quite 3 weeks at the time

Alwzdancing · August 2013

Today MIL called (on speakerphone) while DD was being fussy and suggested the cereal. When DH said its not reccommended and gave the reason she was like "well I did if with you at 3 weeks, you're fine." Then asked how DD slept. When DH said on her back MIL was said "well that's why she doesn't sleep through the night! No one likes to sleep on their backs. Put her on her belly and make sure she's tucked in a blanket and she'll sleep great." After he told her no and reasonings again she got a little pissy. They live over 1200 miles away and are visiting at the end of sept. Her next words almost threw me over the edge. "When we visit Mila will be almost 3 months, ill feed her cereal and let her sleep on her stomach and you'll both see how you should really be parenting." DH saw my look and walked out of the room promptly. WTF!?!? Ill kill her!

jennipalmer · August 2013

My ex mil would sneak ceral and water my DD when I found out I was so upset. I could not figure out why she had constipation issue

Hilaboo86 · August 2013

Bmore721 said:
I feel your pain, OP! I hate receiving advice from older mothers (esp. my mother and all 4 of my aunts) who are convinced that they know better because they read ALL the books in the 80s or 90s. I don't care what you read 30 years ago or what your (now retired) pediatrician recommended. Times have changed. I am *not* going to give LO water, feed her cereal, put bumpers in her crib, let her sleep with a pillow and stuffed animals, let her CIO at 7 weeks old, or [fill in the blank]. And my parenting decisions are not up for debate, so save your breath and stop gossiping behind my back. Just. No.

Thinking about bringing a pair of earplugs to the next family gathering.

@kalemi: I am so angry at your MIL for you!

Are we related? Hahahaha you just described my mom and aunt and grandma. I'm with you, and over it as well. It honestly makes me not want to go around, and I'm very close with my family but STFU.

ashie624 · August 2013

Glad I'm not the only one hearing this..MIL says it just about every time we're over..and my mom said it last night! LO does have nights where shes up a lot..but its usually every 4 hours..which isnt really that bad..it could be worse. I just nod and walk away. MIL bought us a thing of cereal BEFORE DD was even born!

ashie624 · August 2013

Alwzdancing said:

Today MIL called (on speakerphone) while DD was being fussy and suggested the cereal. When DH said its not reccommended and gave the reason she was like "well I did if with you at 3 weeks, you're fine." Then asked how DD slept. When DH said on her back MIL was said "well that's why she doesn't sleep through the night! No one likes to sleep on their backs. Put her on her belly and make sure she's tucked in a blanket and she'll sleep great." After he told her no and reasonings again she got a little pissy. They live over 1200 miles away and are visiting at the end of sept. Her next words almost threw me over the edge. "When we visit Mila will be almost 3 months, ill feed her cereal and let her sleep on her stomach and you'll both see how you should really be parenting." DH saw my look and walked out of the room promptly. WTF!?!? Ill kill her!

Whoa! That messed up! I would be p'oed! Why do people think they have a right to tell you how to raise your baby!?

valstulas · August 2013

My oldest is going to be 9 in November, and I think it's amazing how quickly the recommendations change. There are already several things that have changed since he was a LO. I can imagine it must be difficult for our moms and grandmothers to accept new recommendations. Regardless, if you can give them the rationale, they should understand. At the very least, they can respect your wishes as parents.

Stina2012 · August 2013

It's cool, my Mom is a complete idiot about baby stuff. I forwarded her an article about how babies get fussy at night and Dads think babies hate them. She asks me if I think the fussiness towards Dads will happen with Grandpa. Hello dumbass, did you read? Can you comprehend? She tries, but her advice and knowledge is all 80s baby rearing.

knottie92178cc45b4fccea · August 2013

This is my mother! Every time DD makes ANY kind of noise, she thinks she's has "air in her tummy." Annoying!

knottie92178cc45b4fccea · August 2013

arlingirl said:

maryannespier said:

My grandmother is OBSESSED with burping. She's constantly asking if he burps well, telling me I don't burp him enough, etc. I just smile and nod. She must have had a burping obsessed pediatrician at some point.

So does my mom...

Sorry! Meant to quote this.

fabk · August 2013

I haven't gotten the cereal advice but mil and i had a huge fight over advise. She chose not to bf mh. She doesn't offer a reason. So now she keeps trying to force me to stop bfing alex. The second night home from the hospital we were still giving some formula but only after breastfeeding. She woke up in the MOTN to change a diaper for me and i caught her trying to bottle feed him.
This past week was hell with her. If i don't jump at any advice she gives she is offended. Apparently i have noright to calll myself a mother yet because i haven't earned it.
Sorry i guess i am venting too.

mittensonkittens · August 2013

My MIL told me once that babies don't really need BM or formula after 6 months, you just mix Karo syrup in with cow's milk for them. I didn't ask her thoughts on cereal. Because she is the type of person who might disregard my instructions, I will never let her babysit. Well, that, and the fact that she is a smoker, an alcoholic who sometimes drives drunk, and shows poor judgement in many ways that I won't get into. All of her kids turned out to be wonderful people as adults, but that's not proof that she is right.

Carrie3102 · August 2013

I am sorry you're all dealing with that. No one really ever offers me advice (my mom or mil).

My mom knows that if I have a question I'll ask her and that ultimately I know what's vest for my kids.

My mil kniws I don't like her very much and that I will do as I please with my children. She has done some things I don't approve of and DH and I discussed them and he of course thinks its fine since mil is "experienced". Mil doesn't get much "alone" time with either of my kids. She 'helicopters', allowed DD to ride in a front face car seat before she was two, when both she and DH know car seats and all things car seat related cause me crazy anxiety.

Sorry I vented as well but just to say do what you think is best, those who won't comply get limited time with little one.

opheliainwaders · August 2013

This whole thread is making me twitch. And be. Very thankful for my non-pushy family!

babyk1228 · August 2013

fabk said:
I haven't gotten the cereal advice but mil and i had a huge fight over advise. She chose not to bf mh. She doesn't offer a reason. So now she keeps trying to force me to stop bfing alex. The second night home from the hospital we were still giving some formula but only after breastfeeding. She woke up in the MOTN to change a diaper for me and i caught her trying to bottle feed him.
This past week was hell with her. If i don't jump at any advice she gives she is offended. Apparently i have noright to calll myself a mother yet because i haven't earned it.
Sorry i guess i am venting too.

This exactly happened with MIL. When we were first home we were still supplementing some and she came over one day to help with LO so I could take a nap and DH could get the grass cut and stuff and before I laid down I specifically told her several times, if he gets hungry come wake me up so I can feed him. What does she do? Gives him a bottle of formula because she "didn't want to wake me up". JFC are you that dense MIL? I said to wake me up!!

Thank god my mom is my favorite/best person in the world and 100% respectful of my decisions. I couldn't handle two ridiculous people, I feel bad for those of y'all with a pair of overbearing grandparents to LO!):

EagleWife · August 2013

Hugs to all of you mamas with BSC family. I'm also twitching over here reading the craziness. Ugh.

Fitnessteach2010 · August 2013

I'm so sorry to hear you other mommies are dealing with this but I'm glad I'm not alone. My MIL scares me because she's a nurse. I will continue to state that I follow what the pedi says and my DD is healthy so I must be doing something right. And remember, fitness is part time. I'm an elementary teacher with an additives degree in EARLY childhood education

jemasa33 · August 2013

@alicia0817 Yes they had me do it for the reflux as young as 3 weeks. I would notice when I gave the cereal he slept awesome and if I didn't he slept less.

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