Throwing fits when we leave grandmas house

2-Step · August 2013

My DS goes to my mom's once a week in the afternoon so I can work a little or run errands. He also spends maybe one night per month there. They are very close because I used to work FT and she would pick him up from daycare everyday and have him for about 2 hours. He is a total grandma's boy.Whenever he gets in trouble he cries that he misses grandma. Lately he's become awful when it is time to leave her house. He throws a giant tantrum, kicking screaming and begging for "one more hug" ten times. I think this is because - 1. She focuses every second on him and has special toys, special food etc. for him and he gets to just play and do whatever he wants the whole time, which she loves because it is her special time with him. 2. He knows she is a softie and he can get her to react and feel bad when he does this.

I've tried taking things away and time outs. Time out doesn't work well since we are in the car for 20 min to drive home and if we do the timeout at her house then he gets what he wants, which is staying there longer. I feel bad telling him he can't see his grandmother anymore if he acts that way, especially because I depend on them for trusted childcare. I also feel like she is trying to do discipline, but it is just not part of her vocabulary to be really tough on him. She was very easy on us, but my dad was not and we also were not as "spirited" of children as DS can be.

How you would remedy this situation? My mom tries to help by telling him she doesn't want to see him acting like a baby etc. . but it doesn't really do anything, he just screams louder. We talk about it and he always says he isn't going to do it, but he always does.

LoriLee14 · August 2013

yes ask her to help with the leaving thing. Have her walk into another room. Tell him that he has one minute and to do his last thing. Remind him when he will be coming back to her house. Make sure your mom is on board and she isn't escalating the behavior at drop off time

Put him in the car while he is doing his fit. drive him home. when he does calm down talk about what he was feeling, relate to that and then try and give him suggestions on how to handle it next time.

Arnegard · August 2013

I assume this is your 4 year old?

He is old enough to reason with. I agree with the PP's that you need to give him a warning of 1 last thing and maybe have your Mom walk him to the car, help him buckle, etc.

I may even go as far as a sticker chart that if he leaves without a fit 5 times he can earn a special "extra" trip to Grandma's.

2-Step · August 2013

Arnegard said:

I assume this is your 4 year old?
He is old enough to reason with. I agree with the PP's that you need to give him a warning of 1 last thing and maybe have your Mom walk him to the car, help him buckle, etc.

I may even go as far as a sticker chart that if he leaves without a fit 5 times he can earn a special "extra" trip to Grandma's.

Yes, I'm going to try the sticker chart. I've tried having her buckle him, the "one last thing" trick and reasoning many times over. He always seems to understand and then he does it again anyway. Maybe some positive rewards will help.

MesmrEwe · August 2013

What a friend did with her grandbabies to avoid this when it started to be an issue... When Mom was on her way to pick the kids up, she had them waiting out on the porch steps, regardless of the season and locked the door behind her so they couldn't go running back in for something they "forgot", they were dressed and ready to go so there was no drama. It also might help if she had some sort of outside activity that they do when it's time for Mom to come pick up (bubbles, sidewalk chalk, small "catch" ball, etc.)

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