fuck inlaws

Re: fuck inlaws

• FutureMrsCAF member

  August 2013

  Why did they take your LO? I'd be upset, too. You don't mess with bedtime.

  
  

  
  

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• CanukMam member

  August 2013 edited August 2013

  They just felt it was necessary to give him a bath, spur of the moment kind of thing. Call me paranoid but I want to be there if someone else is bathing my LO. Especially my MIL who does not respect my wishes at all and feels like she can do whatever she wants. Plus there are bath time things I needed to do...like treat his cradle cap and clean his ears (which she missed last time) and also put cream on his rash (which I can't do cause he's sleeping now).

  
  

  What bothers me most is they react to one incident and say I make a big deal out of everything, when I am looking at the whole picture and have made a decision to not just let them do whatever they want anymore. I will speak up about anything I don't like, now that I have a LO, I am not just letting it go anymore and they do not like it. Gave me the whole "I'm your elder" fucking bullshit.

  

  

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• Mandmeesh member

  August 2013

  Yikes. I don't think you're being irrational...I'd have flipped too. Your whole situation seems so foreign to me...my parents OR ILs have never even changed M's diaper, let alone bathed him or driven him anywhere. Your anger is justified

  

  
  

  

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• CanukMam member

  August 2013

  Mandmeesh said:

  Yikes. I don't think you're being irrational...I'd have flipped too. Your whole situation seems so foreign to me...my parents OR ILs have never even changed M's diaper, let alone bathed him or driven him anywhere. Your anger is justified

  Sarcasm??

  
  

  Don't get me wrong, I do not have anything to do with my side of the family so I appreciate that the in-laws are great grand parents but they are really shitty to me personally. 

  

  

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• FutureMrsCAF member

  August 2013

  CanukMam said:

  Gave me the whole "I'm your elder" fucking bullshit.

  Seriously? They may be your "elders", but YOU are the mom. You get final say of what happens to your child. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I think a discussion regarding boundaries needs to happen. Taking my child would definitely require my permission.
  
  

  
  

  
  

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• CanukMam member

  August 2013

  FutureMrsCAF said:

  Gave me the whole "I'm your elder" fucking bullshit.

  Seriously? They may be your "elders", but YOU are the mom. You get final say of what happens to your child. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I think a discussion regarding boundaries needs to happen. Taking my child would definitely require my permission.
  

  
  

  Quote fail^^

  
  

  Their defense was "dad was there and he didn't have a problem with it." Well it all happened so fast, he even thought it was weird but he tends not to speak up to them...he's likes to avoid confrontation unfortunately...

  

  

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• JSS1002 member

  August 2013

  Devil's advocate-- I'd be irritated too,but it sounds like they were just trying to help.

     

  
  

  
  

  

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• fireflyz56 member

  August 2013

  JSS1002 said:

  Devil's advocate-- I'd be irritated too,but it sounds like they were just trying to help.

  I agree. You are obviously stressed out about the move, etc. so I can see why they would have tried to help out.
  

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• CanukMam member

  August 2013 edited August 2013

  
  

  JSS1002 said:

  Devil's advocate-- I'd be irritated too,but it sounds like they were just trying to help.

  Sure but I am not allowed to dislike anything they do, if I say anything they get offended and leave. If they want to help (and stay with us for weeks, sometimes a month) then they have to learn to take feedback. They left tonight and are staying in a hotel because I said something.

  

  

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• CanukMam member

  August 2013

  If I had said anything about how to bathe LO properly, MIL would have been offended. I love that they try to help, but I just don't understand where they are coming from. If I was at their house doing something for them, I would ask them how they wanted not done, so that I wasn't doing something they didn't want me to do. I don't understand how they are so quick to offend, they just are extremely set in their ways and I think the whole "I'm your elder" thing sums it up. I'm sorry but I don't need their help if they see it like that. I think that might be the solution...next time they come if they can't take feedback then don't do anything...sit back and have a bottle of wine and stay out of my shit.

  

  

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• JSS1002 member

  August 2013

  CanukMam said:

  
  

  JSS1002 said:

  Devil's advocate-- I'd be irritated too,but it sounds like they were just trying to help.

  Sure but I am not allowed to dislike anything they do, if I say anything they get offended and leave. If they want to help (and stay with us for weeks, sometimes a month) then they have to learn to take feedback. They left tonight and are staying in a hotel because I said something.

  Well that sounds pretty perfect, if you ask me! :-)

     

  
  

  
  

  

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• MsAmeera25 member

  August 2013

  I kinda think you're over reacting. Seems like you were pissed that they took LO all the other stuff milk, bath was just adding fuel.

                                                                   

                               Baby on Board - My Blog 
  
  

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• Smartie26 member

  August 2013

  If my inlays took my baby without asking me I would flip the EFF out. I'm sorry you were in this situation girl! IMO, you are not overreacting.

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• kreeper611 member

  August 2013

  Maybe I am sleep deprived, but wasn't your husband there? So did they ask him if they could take the baby? I get the annoyance of being stranded and the upset to the bedtime routine. But it does seem they were trying to be helpful and if you're going to get pissed at someone maybe you and your DH need to have a conversation about them being alone with your LO. Because I doubt they took the baby without asking him. Tho I could be wrong.
  
  Also, as a STM my advice is to let things go. Not a single person will take care of your baby the way you do but the things they forget to do aren't the end of the world. Take some time to mention the out of the ordinary things you do (ears, cradle cap, etc) and let the rest of it go. It will make things easier in the long run.

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• PepperBug member

  August 2013

  kreeper611 said:

  Maybe I am sleep deprived, but wasn't your husband there? So did they ask him if they could take the baby? I get the annoyance of being stranded and the upset to the bedtime routine. But it does seem they were trying to be helpful and if you're going to get pissed at someone maybe you and your DH need to have a conversation about them being alone with your LO. Because I doubt they took the baby without asking him. Tho I could be wrong.
  
  Also, as a STM my advice is to let things go. Not a single person will take care of your baby the way you do but the things they forget to do aren't the end of the world. Take some time to mention the out of the ordinary things you do (ears, cradle cap, etc) and let the rest of it go. It will make things easier in the long run.

  I agree with all of this. Also, both of my kids are/were EBF, and I never let them out of my sight without giving explicit instructions how/what to feed or not to feed. In the situation you're describing, I would have told them I intended to feed the baby when I returned, so please make sure she's available and not fed around whatever time. I also always leave some milk just in case. It's hard for someone caring for a breast fed baby to know what to do without instructions. If, after I gave them the instructions, they did something way different, then I would be mad. Otherwise, I'd be silently annoyed and make a mental note to give express instructions next time.

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• lovelyday39 member

  August 2013

  You are NOT overreacting. This is your child and you were not in any way considered in this equation. That is disrespectful. And for them to try to invalidate you with the "we're your elders" bullshit. Um NO. That gets you a ticket straight to - getthefuckouttamyhouse. I had grandparents like this, totally self-absorbed, their way or the highway. It was always the worst when they were around and I did not have a close relationship with them. People like this don't get it, it's best to put up firm boundaries and they can just deal with themselves b/c they are not going to get any better or easier.

  
  Sorry that happened to you.

  

  

   

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• Mandmeesh member

  August 2013

  CanukMam said:

  Mandmeesh said:

  Yikes. I don't think you're being irrational...I'd have flipped too. Your whole situation seems so foreign to me...my parents OR ILs have never even changed M's diaper, let alone bathed him or driven him anywhere. Your anger is justified

  Sarcasm??

  
  

  Don't get me wrong, I do not have anything to do with my side of the family so I appreciate that the in-laws are great grand parents but they are really shitty to me personally. 

  
  Not sarcasm at all. I really would've freaked

  

  
  

  

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• CanukMam member

  August 2013

  NandaB said:

  MsAmeera25 said:

  I kinda think you're over reacting. Seems like you were pissed that they took LO all the other stuff milk, bath was just adding fuel.

  I'm sorry, but I trust my husband is able to make decisions about our child without my approval. I would be annoyed if they used pumped milk w/o checking if I would rather nurse (assuming I am close enough) but to say they can't bathe my child without me present because they won't clean his ears right makes you sound kinda crazy. And they may have taken her without YOUR permission, but its not like they kidnapped her. Your husband said they could.
  
  Sounds like you already have issues with them, so it made this seem worse, but it really isn't as big of a deal as you are making it. They were trying to help.

  I trust my hubby and my in laws to take care of LO but at this point I am off work and with him all the time. Hubby wouldn't think of half of what needs to be done and he needs his mamma for bedtime or he gets very sad and it breaks my heart.

  

  

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• danuli8 member

  August 2013

  lovelyday39 said:

  You are NOT overreacting. This is your child and you were not in any way considered in this equation. That is disrespectful. And for them to try to invalidate you with the "we're your elders" bullshit. Um NO. That gets you a ticket straight to - getthefuckouttamyhouse. I had grandparents like this, totally self-absorbed, their way or the highway. It was always the worst when they were around and I did not have a close relationship with them. People like this don't get it, it's best to put up firm boundaries and they can just deal with themselves b/c they are not going to get any better or easier.

  
  Sorry that happened to you.

  This, this, a thousand times this! You were right to be upset.
  

  
  Over-40 parents...what we lack in vigor, we make up for with cunning.
  

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• keado member

  August 2013

  So let me get this straight . . . These people adore your son, are at your home helping you and your hubby during a move, drive back to your old home so as not to let your son go to bed dirty, and are (heaven forbid) feeding him while he is upset?? And doing all this with your husbands permission?
  
  I totally get that mama bear thing. But they grow so, so fast, and your inlaws sound like they are trying. Cut them some slack, have a rational conversation, and dont burn bridges that you need as your son gets older.
  
  Many of us on here that don't have that help would probably trade you in a millisecond.

  

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• CanukMam member

  August 2013

  In writing they sound wonderful, and as I mentioned my family is not present whatsoever so I know I should appreciate them (and do to an extent) but there is a long history here and they go out of their way to disrespect me and disregard my opinion. I put my foot down with my child.
  I don't mind everyone else's post but yours @keado I do find offensive. Sounds like you think I am an ungrateful brat. Luckily my in-laws live over 3000km away, so I don't have to deal with them on a regular basis but nor do I receive help. We have no family near by, so I am one of those who 'doesn't have help' and what little help I am getting at the moment is not worth all the grief.

  

  

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• CanukMam member

  August 2013

  It also makes a difference that we are EBF and no one should touch my milk. They wouldn't have needed to feed him if they didn't take him. He didn't even need to be fed as I had just fed him. They took my breast milk to soothe him because he was upset mom wasn't around, which again would not have happened. I tried to have a conversation and got the 'I'm your elder' BS. These people think they can do no wrong.

  

  

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• lovelyday39 member

  August 2013

  It's the insidious "we're just helping" excuse that gets me. No, they are riding rough shod over your routine and you. If they were just helping, why do you feel so stressed out? Pay attention to those feelings, they are important.

  

  

   

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• lovelyday39 member

  August 2013

  PS- Ultimately this is a big discussion between you and DH. B/c he was the main reason this actually happened. They wouldn't have been allowed to do this unless he had enabled them. So, he needs to understand why you feel the way you do and maybe the best course of action for the future.
  
  I find that things I take for granted that DH "should" know or do, he actually does not. Part of it is that we don't think about things the same way. And it's also very hard to be objective about one's own parents and that can be quite an obstacle at times. It has required us to have many a conversation at points to make sure we are on the same page!

  

  

   

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