What my young coworker told me

pastalady · August 2013

I work part time at a chocolate shop. Last night I worked with a young coworker who is 17. I really like her, she is a good kid. She has a strong ethic and seems to do great in school, super responsible etc. so she was heading to a party after work. She kept checking her texts and was getting distressed. She looked like she was going to cry, eyes were red and tearing up. I kept asking what was wrong. So eventually she tells me a guy she has been hooking up with was going to the party. She had her period so they couldn't have sex. So he told her he was going to have sex with her friend instead. She then told me maybe she could get to him and give him a be before he got to her friend. Of course I told her she needs to respect herself, and all that. She the. Told me no one dates anymore, it's just trading sexual favours. Like if she needs a ride somewhere she will give a guy oral sex as pay. Her friends have used sex for clothing, etc. basically prostitution. She said she doesn't know anyone in her high school who are boyfriend/girlfriend, it's just joking up. Ugh, I am so sad. Maybe by the time DD is in high school it's will revert back to olden days lol! I cannot even imagine being a teenager today.

pastalady · August 2013

Sorry for spelling mistakes, on iPad.

penguingrrl · August 2013

Ew! That's not how everyone is. My cousin's son is 18 and has been with his girlfriend for 2.5 years. Maybe that's how her group is, but that's not the norm. That's really disturbing and I would be getting in touch with her parents.

pastalady · August 2013

I know! She seems so smart yet so stupid!

Andrewsgal · August 2013

That is horrible but no the norm at all. I mentor several high school kids and get all the dirt. It might be the way her group functions but is not the way all do.

LoriLee14 · August 2013

that is disgusting and sad. And sad that she blames it on the times. Someone needs to teach her to stand up for herself and that there is more to life.

it sounds like a lifetime movie (thirteen)

pastalady · August 2013

She really wanted me to believe that everyone does this. I told her no, that is her choice. There are plenty of teenagers experiencing puppy love and actually dating or she can be celibate for awhile. She also told me that guys expect everything they do in pornos now. Ugh!

rockyrollgirl · August 2013

Ugh! I have a little sister around that age so this story pisses me off. What a little douchebag that boy is. It is sad that she thinks that is normal.

dairygirl19 · August 2013

That is so sad. I hope she soon realizes how awful and demoralizing to herself that is.

And yeah, definitely not the norm. I work in a HS and while there's sex for sure, there's a lot more focus on respecting yourself and being in a solid relationship before that happens. The people (both guys and girls) who do the "sexual favor" thing are really gossiped about and looked down upon in some ways by their peers.

pastalady · August 2013

I think she may also have issues with fitting in as she is a recent immigrant. Maybe she found this group and is desperate to belong. Who knows.

pitterpatter129 · August 2013

Kimbus22 said:

The Bump need a What The Fuck? button.

My reaction also. I'm not sure I could keep myself from paying a visit to her parent or calling the school counselor.

AimeeL85 · August 2013

That is so sad, I really hope she's wrong about that being what's normal now. My younger brother is 20, I really thought he would be the kind of kid to just want to hook up with girls, I'm thankful he surprised us and has been exclusive with a really nice girl for 6 years.

zbeesma86 · August 2013

I saw on some daytime talk show about girls wearing bracelets that signified what sexual acts they've preformed- they displayed them on their arms and were proud of it!! Some of the girls were 11 and 12!

Kids wanting to experiment with sex is starting wayyyyy toooooo young now!

Hollylb3 · August 2013

KateB1984 said:
One of our young employees told me that anal sex is the new oral sex - something you do before 'real' sex because you can't get pregnant from it, so it's not as serious.

I am so disturbed at the thought of 15 y/os having anal sex as lead-up step and less-serious alternative to the 'real deal.' o.O

I don't know how I'm going to survive parenting teens.

Wow. Maybe someone should let them know the dangers of anal. They're be having bowel control issues by the time they're 35.

pastalady · August 2013

Yeah, it want to talk to her folks but have never met them. I work with her tonight. I think she stayed home from the party that's what she was leaning towards when we left so I hope so. I didn't want to get into too much detail but when she told me about how guys want what is in porn she said anal and facials. I can just shake my head.

Disneygeek77 · August 2013

Dear Lord,

I just want to give her a hug and cry.

Do whatever you can to convince her that this isn't normal.

Hollylb3 · August 2013

Disneygeek77 said:
Dear Lord,

I just want to give her a hug and cry.

Do whatever you can to convince her that this isn't normal.

This too. So sad.

pastalady · August 2013

And now I'm off to take my DD to buy jelly beans. She is sleeping over at her aunts and to her sleepovers mean jelly beans and nail painting. Please let it stay that way until she is 20 lol!

LoriLee14 · August 2013

I had a friend that considered herself a virgin because she had only done anal

Disneygeek77 · August 2013

@I Heart the 80s, I had similar experience except I graduated in the mid 90's. Went to a small school in a small town outside of a big city in the Midwest.

I just can't fathom this or maybe my social circle was sheltered, but even when I was growing up it felt like sex was everywhere, but this ? I am honestly bewildered. Sad and bewildered.

Hollylb3 · August 2013

I Heart The 80s said:
Can I ask a question? I'm sure we've discussed this before. But why are things so different. I went to high school in the late 80s. Yes, people had sex. My high school was very small. There were not a lot of secrets. And I swear, I never heard about anything crazy. Is it a different generation? Or was everything in secret? I'm perplexed, and a little disheartened. I am watching my 3 eat pizza on a Sat night, and life is so carefree. It breaks my heart to think of the teen years!

I think it just has to do with the mainstreaming of sex. All the porn now that boys have access to, and they expect girls to play into those fantasies. If one won't do it, the next will. Girls are growing up without fathers and have self-esteem issues, so they're looking for validation (I know not all girls without dads go looking for it, please don't take offense). Parents are becoming more and more disconnected and teens are taking advantage of it.

Just my opinion.

pastalady · August 2013

I don't know if I buy into the sexual inaction of society etc. I mean in the 80s we had Brook Shields doing her nothing comes between me and my Calvin's. wasn't she like 14 at the time? When I was a teen like pp said it was the hand up the sweater lol! I wouldn't have even know what anal was. Maybe it's the Internet? I mean, we had porn when I was young but you had to go to a store and buy it and show your ID. Some guys could get it off their brothers etc.

Hollylb3 · August 2013

pastalady said:
I don't know if I buy into the sexual inaction of society etc. I mean in the 80s we had Brook Shields doing her nothing comes between me and my Calvin's. wasn't she like 14 at the time? When I was a teen like pp said it was the hand up the sweater lol! I wouldn't have even know what anal was. Maybe it's the Internet? I mean, we had porn when I was young but you had to go to a store and buy it and show your ID. Some guys could get it off their brothers etc.

That just it - the porn is so much more intense (and some of it downright disturbing) than it used to be. Boys grow up watching it, thinking it's normal. It's not just dirty pictures in a magazine, or even just two people having sex.

LoriLee14 · August 2013

I graduated in 03 too. I remember there was a phrase that was "ass, grass, or cash" for giving someone a ride home. I always just laughed, I never took them serious.

You said she was an immigrant. Tell her that is not how it is and she should be seeking other peers.

strlitemiss · August 2013

I hope I am able to teach to my son to respect girls enough to know it is unacceptable in anyway to treat a girl like this regardless if everyone is doing it or even if she asks for it.

LoriLee14 · August 2013

Also, I know you said you thought she was smart, but she has already proven herself very naïve. If she will fall for the phrase "everyone is doing it" then she will fall for any excuse to not wear a condom. Make sure she knows about condoms, birth control, and planned parenthood. There is no need for her to be a mom anytime soon

penguingrrl · August 2013

I don't think it's different. There have always been girls lacking in self esteem who did whatever they had to to get attention.

And please, spare me the no daddy crap. "Single" mother stats are up, but so are stats of couples who choose not to marry despite being both committed and monogamous. There's also an increase of gay couples raising children (through adoption, surrogate, donor sperm, etc). Between those two cases, plenty of children appear on paper to be in a single parent household when in reality they aren't.

And my father wasn't around at all. That never drove my sister or I to promiscuous behavior. In fact, the most promiscuous girls I knew in HS had seemingly perfect home lives.

shortstuff15 · August 2013

@pastalady I think I remember from another post that you live where my husband grew up. His entire family still lives there and his couple cousins are 17 and 19 (or around there). Both have steady relationships (one better then the other, but still, not a "trading sexual favors" type relationship) and are nothing really like what you have described. Hopefully you can keep influencing her for the better as you work together though.

Louiej · August 2013

Lord...anal? I barely have an idea what that is NOW. My DD...oh god. I can't even say it. Just no. No. Ugh. This whole topic gives me the skeevies.

vlagrl29 · August 2013

I was in HS in the mid/late 90s and never heard of any of that. That's just soooo sad to read.

I hung out with a bunch of orchestra/band nerds and nothing dirty ever went on. I never even had sex in HS and my parents wouldn't let me go to boy/girl parties let alone stay out past 9pm. I want to make sure we teach DD to have respect for herself and not act like that.

pastalady · August 2013

So I worked with her last night. She did stay home from the party. Her friend hooked up with the guy she liked. Then she forwarded her a text the guy sent her saying he would continue to hook up with my coworker as she easy. That seems to have gotten through to her. Oh and I think her home life may be influencing things. She told me her parents are not speaking as her dad gave her mom an std. So yeah, hopefully not indicative of all teens lol!

Minipenguin · August 2013

I seriously doubt the problem is parents becoming "more disconnected". How can you know what your kids are doing at parties? You could lock them in the house but I don't think that is going to solve anything.

stgn01 · August 2013

I Heart The 80s said:

Can I ask a question? I'm sure we've discussed this before. But why are things so different. I went to high school in the late 80s. Yes, people had sex. My high school was very small. There were not a lot of secrets. And I swear, I never heard about anything crazy. Is it a different generation? Or was everything in secret? I'm perplexed, and a little disheartened. I am watching my 3 eat pizza on a Sat night, and life is so carefree. It breaks my heart to think of the teen years!

It's definitely a different generation. Everything is so quick now. You want the weather, look at your phone. Need an answer to a question, there's an app for that. Same thing with sex. Porn is everywhere. On the computer, on your tv, even on your smart phone. When I was in school, the only porn we had was stealing our dad's Playboy's or raunchy VHS tapes. Or you could get certain tv channels, but they were expensive and only one family on our whole block had it. Remember the "back room" they had in Blockbuster just for the XXX tapes?

Yeah, well it's so accessible now. Porn and sex is everywhere. Because it's everywhere, it's more mainstream. Because it's more mainstream, it's more accepted and more casual. Thus, BJ's for a ride to school. It's sad that this is what it has come to. I don't think it's everywhere, but I think it's more common than I would care to admit.

Mama-Bear · August 2013

I graduated in '02 and don't remember anything like this. Again, yes many were having sex, but nothing like OP mentioned. Honestly, I'd defintiely go to the parents. Sure it will piss her off and make work uncomfortable, but if she keeps up this behavior it's going to catch up with her and bite her in the ass (pregnancy, STD, HIV, or being looked at like a slut by everyone and nobody will ever want to actually marry her, DH would never have married a person that behaved like that at any point in their life).

pastalady · August 2013

I get what your saying but what about the boys responsibility? Kind of funny to say no man will want to marry her lol.honestly, I am all for sexual empowerment. What she is doing is not it. I think teaching girls to own their sexuality for themselves is the way to go. Not to give it away for rides or clothing.

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