SAHM vs. Working

MommyAndHerLatte · August 2013

I posted this on the SAHM board too, but wanted to post it here because I really value the Feb 2013 board's opinions (and honestly, this board feels like "home").

I recently became a SAHM (well, about 6 months ago), and I've really been loving it. But I'm starting to worry about the future (i.e. how difficult it will be to find a job in a few years, what if something happens to DH, etc). I have great references from my previous job, but those references may not be there later if I decide to take a few years off. How did all you ladies reconcile these fears when deciding to be SAHMs?

In an ideal world, I would be a SAHM until my LO (and hopefully more LOs) grew up, but I know life can be unexpected. My aunt was a SAHM with 3 little ones when my uncle passed away suddenly. At the same time, it makes me sad to think about working, especially the fact that DS would be in daycare for most of the day and I wouldn't be able to see him grow up. Any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated!

theimpossibleastronaut · August 2013

Sterling13 said:

MommyAndHerLatte said:

I posted this on the SAHM board too, but wanted to post it here because I really value the Feb 2013 board's opinions (and honestly, this board feels like "home").

I recently became a SAHM (well, about 6 months ago), and I've really been loving it. But I'm starting to worry about the future (i.e. how difficult it will be to find a job in a few years, what if something happens to DH, etc). I have great references from my previous job, but those references may not be there later if I decide to take a few years off. How did all you ladies reconcile these fears when deciding to be SAHMs?

In an ideal world, I would be a SAHM until my LO (and hopefully more LOs) grew up, but I know life can be unexpected. My aunt was a SAHM with 3 little ones when my uncle passed away suddenly. At the same time, it makes me sad to think about working, especially the fact that DS would be in daycare for most of the day and I wouldn't be able to see him grow up. Any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated!

Okay, I get your concern and I'll let other ladies address it, but statements like this are a MAJOR pet peeve of mine. Working moms are not handing their children over until 18 and getting back whatever daycare spits out. We see our children grow up just like SAHMs do, we just don't see them for as many hours each day. I know you didn't mean it this way, but this is pretty offensive IMO.

Agree. OP I know you didn't mean it that way, but I hate statements like this too.

That being said, I'm sure you could talk to an accountant about setting up a savings plan so you would have some money put away in case your DH lost his job or something like that. We have an emergency fund we contribute to. Having a plan like that might help you feel better.

babywisher · August 2013

DC2London said:

We have a crapton of life insurance. We've made sure that, should the unthinkable happen, I would not need to go work outside the home for a while.

This is exactly where we are.

MommyAndHerLatte · August 2013

Sterling13 said:

MommyAndHerLatte said:

I posted this on the SAHM board too, but wanted to post it here because I really value the Feb 2013 board's opinions (and honestly, this board feels like "home").

I recently became a SAHM (well, about 6 months ago), and I've really been loving it. But I'm starting to worry about the future (i.e. how difficult it will be to find a job in a few years, what if something happens to DH, etc). I have great references from my previous job, but those references may not be there later if I decide to take a few years off. How did all you ladies reconcile these fears when deciding to be SAHMs?

In an ideal world, I would be a SAHM until my LO (and hopefully more LOs) grew up, but I know life can be unexpected. My aunt was a SAHM with 3 little ones when my uncle passed away suddenly. At the same time, it makes me sad to think about working, especially the fact that DS would be in daycare for most of the day and I wouldn't be able to see him grow up. Any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated!

Okay, I get your concern and I'll let other ladies address it, but statements like this are a MAJOR pet peeve of mine. Working moms are not handing their children over until 18 and getting back whatever daycare spits out. We see our children grow up just like SAHMs do, we just don't see them for as many hours each day. I know you didn't mean it this way, but this is pretty offensive IMO.

Oh, sorry, I totally didn't mean it that way. No, I have the utmost respect for working moms and I know they're not just handing their children off to daycare to raise. I should have explained my situation more clearly. We recently moved and the closest job in my industry is 50 miles away. So for me, the commute, traffic, and work hours would prevent me from seeing DS when he wakes up, and I would probably miss his bedtime most days. Realistically, I would only see him on the weekends, which is a big change from how things have been. Sorry if you were offended...that wasn't what I meant at all.

MommyAndHerLatte · August 2013

DC2London said:
We have a crapton of life insurance. We've made sure that, should the unthinkable happen, I would not need to go work outside the home for a while.

We have actually been talking about this too. I'm so unfamiliar with life insurance though. What are good options? We were going to do life insurance and supplemental life insurance from DH's work...are their other options? And what life insurance companies are good/trustworthy? (Sorry, if this is too personal, feel free not to answer.)

DublinMama · August 2013

I work, but we also have life insurance. For us, we just called the company that did our car insurance, and they referred us to their life insurance branch. I had to answer a few health and wellness questions over the phone, then a visiting nurse came to our house and took a blood and urine sample from us, which was free of charge. Then we were quoted a price based on the type and length of coverage we wanted. FWIW, I have a 750k policy that I pay $260 a year for.

petere · August 2013

DC2London said:
We have a crapton of life insurance. We've made sure that, should the unthinkable happen, I would not need to go work outside the home for a while.

This is us exactly too

happylady5 · August 2013

DC2London said:
We have a crapton of life insurance. We've made sure that, should the unthinkable happen, I would not need to go work outside the home for a while.

This exactly. DH is an insurance agent and sells life insurance. So we have tons.

On a lighter note, I haven't thought that far ahead. I'm just going with what is right for right now. And trusting God's will and timing.

MommyAndHerLatte · August 2013

DublinMama said:

I work, but we also have life insurance. For us, we just called the company that did our car insurance, and they referred us to their life insurance branch. I had to answer a few health and wellness questions over the phone, then a visiting nurse came to our house and took a blood and urine sample from us, which was free of charge. Then we were quoted a price based on the type and length of coverage we wanted. FWIW, I have a 750k policy that I pay $260 a year for.

Thanks, that's a great tip. I don't know why I didn't think to call our car/home insurance company.

MommyAndHerLatte · August 2013

We have a crapton of life insurance. We've made sure that, should the unthinkable happen, I would not need to go work outside the home for a while.
This exactly. DH is an insurance agent and sells life insurance. So we have tons. On a lighter note, I haven't thought that far ahead. I'm just going with what is right for right now. And trusting God's will and timing.

Thanks for the good reminder. I needed to hear that. $:\$ ">

penguingrrl · August 2013

I've been home for almost 6 years. I was forced out of the workforce because childcare costs were so far above my income that we couldn't afford for me to work. Our situation is different (we moved) and I would love to return to work now. I miss the intellectual stimulation, I miss working and conversing with other adults, I miss a lot of it. Unfortunately taking this much time out of the workforce means an inability to return. People often think they can just opt out for a year or two or until their youngest starts school full time, but the reality is that it isn't that simple. Having a gap in your resume can be disastrous to finding a new position and you often have to start back at entry level instead of returning to the level you were at. This is not always true, of course, but most parents I met who took time off experienced this issue trying to go back in (men and women).

kelly321 · August 2013

I don't know what industry you're in, but is it possible for you to continue working part-time with very few hours a week or to do continuing education in your area so that when you're ready to go back, you can show that you kept up with your field? Since having DD1, I've gotten closer to finishing my terminal degree (should be done at the end of this year), gotten an online certificate in an area that is very promising for me as a work-from-home career, and done very consistent freelancing of between 10-20 hours per month. I feel like my chances of finding a job are pretty good because I haven't had any complete professional downtime even though I've been able to spend almost all of DD1's 2.5 years at home. I know that that is very industry-dependent, but it's an idea that might work for you!

pitterpatter129 · August 2013

coffeecream said:

DC2London said:

Re: your concerns about returning to the workforce, the profession I left is unique (teaching) in that there isn't really "entry level" or a career ladder for me to climb. I do have concerns taking several years off in that I'm missing out on accruing years' experience toward my retirement, and that my state license has now expired and I would have to do a couple of things to get it active again but, honestly, I'm not even sure that teaching is what I will do if/when I return to work. I loved it. LOVED it. But even in the 4 years I've been out, a lot has changed, not for the better...and it seems to be getting worse.

I don't mean to take over the thread, OP--just wanted to say that I feel the exact same way. I LOVE teaching, but from what I've experienced at this point, I'd really rather homeschool than go back to teaching. My state has pretty relaxed laws about homeschooling, so maybe I'll take on a few other kids, too. We'll see.

Same. My school district allows a 2 yr leave without having to return as entry level pay. However, with the current state of education, I think I'd rather do something else. I'm going to look into WIC breastfeeding peer counselor. That sounds more "up my alley".

DC - You let your certificate expire!!! I should hang mine up so I don't forget to renew...

OP: It can be difficult to get back into the workforce, but I'd probably stay home too if I had a 50mi commute! Can you find something else closer?

ally2011 · August 2013

I do volunteer work to keep my skills up. My main thing at the moment is that I co-lead a ministry called Women of Vision through World Vision and it helps me to develop new skills and build the ones I already have. My career was in development.

If your skills/career are something you could maintain a little through volunteering, you could look at serving on non-profit boards or as a volunteer in another capacity. It is nice to have a mental outlet and the stuff I am doing I can (and will) include on a resume. The lack of a paycheck has nothing to do with it building my experience.

dorlala · August 2013

My firm hires woman who are just returning to the workforce after being SAHMs all the time! It takes a lot of patience, nerves, and time management to be a SAHM and often those women return to the workforce with something to prove! I know my firm can't be the only employer that feels this way.

pitterpatter129 · August 2013

DC2London said:

pitterpatter129 said:

coffeecream said:

DC2London said:

Re: your concerns about returning to the workforce, the profession I left is unique (teaching) in that there isn't really "entry level" or a career ladder for me to climb. I do have concerns taking several years off in that I'm missing out on accruing years' experience toward my retirement, and that my state license has now expired and I would have to do a couple of things to get it active again but, honestly, I'm not even sure that teaching is what I will do if/when I return to work. I loved it. LOVED it. But even in the 4 years I've been out, a lot has changed, not for the better...and it seems to be getting worse.

I don't mean to take over the thread, OP--just wanted to say that I feel the exact same way. I LOVE teaching, but from what I've experienced at this point, I'd really rather homeschool than go back to teaching. My state has pretty relaxed laws about homeschooling, so maybe I'll take on a few other kids, too. We'll see.

Same. My school district allows a 2 yr leave without having to return as entry level pay. However, with the current state of education, I think I'd rather do something else. I'm going to look into WIC breastfeeding peer counselor. That sounds more "up my alley". DC - You let your certificate expire!!! I should hang mine up so I don't forget to renew...

OP: It can be difficult to get back into the workforce, but I'd probably stay home too if I had a 50mi commute! Can you find something else closer?

@pitterpatter129, I was told by the VA DoE (and I really hope this is true) that teachers who stop work to stay home with their kids can basically "pause" their certificate. I didn't have the resources at the time to do the last couple of things I needed to keep my cert up (I needed like 2 or 3 college courses, which, um, $$$$) , so I just called and asked what my options were. Since I left the field with 2 years remaining on my certificate, according to them, when I go back into the field I have 2 years to renew it.
We'll see.

That's good! In OK you just pay $25 every four years.

Nothing else required.

pitterpatter129 · August 2013

That's good! In OK you just pay $25 every four years. Nothing else required.

jealous.

Right? I'm sure I'll have oodles of PD and classes to make-up though, it's just done outside of requirements for the certificate.

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