I hate my friend's kids

jenndub · August 2013

Maybe hate is too strong of a word, but I really don't like them. My very close friend has three kids. They are monsters. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and her children are roughly the same age as mine. They are mean little shits and they terrorize my kids. People are now not coming to DD1's birthday party because they know these kids are going to be there and they don't want their kids to be hit, yelled at, etc. I had two families not come to DS' party in May for the same reason.

I have tried talking to her about discipline with them before and she doesn't take it well. I hate the idea that her kids are influencing people to skip the party, the party is supposed to be about my daughter, not her 3 little terrorists. I don't want to hurt her feelings and ask her not to come, but I also don't want other people to avoid the party because of them. Advice? TIA.

KellersPrag · August 2013

I would explain the situation to her. You say she's a very close friend, you should be able to be honest with her. I would explain that you would enjoy her presence, but that if her children misbehave and she cannot control them, that you will expect her to leave.

hmp1 · August 2013

Are you guys close enough that you can discipline them. I had a talk with my parents as to what I expect them to discipline the kids for. I know they are going to be more lenient than us because they want to be the fun Grandparents. But if they are babysitting and James hits Leo, he needs to go to time out. Perhaps the opposite can be true at your house. Her kids can learn that they can't be assholes around you because you will nip it in the bud. If she is just wanting to be the good guy and that is why she isn't disciplining, perhaps she will be ok with you doing it.

Sorry dude, the situation sucks.

miss50 · August 2013

We have a couple friends that have rebellious kids. The rule is, we don't play with them when they act in a way that we find inappropriate (interrupting, throwing things, balls in the house, etc) If that means I won't have adult interaction with their parents than oh well. It sucks to discipline yourself, but that seems to be the only solution for us. After awhile the parents should understand to lay down the law with the children so they can enjoy themselves and have fun.

You could always not invite them. I won't be inviting two kids to Sage's party because I don't care for how they treat one another (brother/sister). They are mean, rude, and won't listen. I'm sure they won't even care because their mom will make it up to them by taking them else where.

jenndub · August 2013

@hmp1 I have disciplined them at parties before and she has completely contradicted me. Her son was hitting and kicking people in the bounce house at the last party so I told him he had to come out. She came running over and was upset that I made him get out. She told him to go back in while she talked to me. I guess I'm going to have to just lay down the law with her. Thanks for the help!

Cheenomae · August 2013

This is a shitty situation all around. It's pretty unfortunate that the party is no longer about your DD. Also, while I understand your other friends don't want their kids to be around your one friend's kids I think it's also important that you let them know that's not really fair to you and DD. Hopefully then they will still come and you can talk to your friend with shit kids about the behavior you expect from them at the party or they'll have to leave.

That's tough, I'm sorry.

MommaP12 · August 2013

thechimichanga said:

My nieces and nephews are like this, while they are not mean kids, they are misbehaved and can ruin gatherings quickly.

I had a chat with my SIL and said I don't know if you realize this, but your kids don't listen very well to you when they are in my home. I love them, but they run around, break things, and yell and scream. Its not acceptable behavior. Her response, I will watch them, but you are their aunt, feel free to discipline them however you see fit. I made it about the environment in MY home, not about her parenting, even though I think her and her husband need to be more proactive in their own home.

And honestly, they are more afraid of me/DH than they are of their own parents. If I say no running, I get sorry aunt chimi, and they stop.

But really, other people should not miss out on your kid because other kids can't behave.

I am saving this thread because I feel I'll be dealing with this. My nephew is almost two and my SIL and BIL NEVER discipline him. They just divert him to something else and he ends up whining and fussing until he gets his way. I forsee that I'll be having to lay down the law in my house.

OP - I'm sorry you're in this situation but I would definitely be honest with your friend and tell her that behavior is not acceptable and not just by you -others don't want to attend because of them. I would tell the others that it's not right to ditch out on your DDs day because of them and that you understand and agree with them and therefore you're talking to the mom.

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