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Since no one else is posting, I have something else to say

nuttybunchnuttybunch
in 2nd Trimester

I don't know what to think. DH has been pretty good about helping out around the house. He hasn't done a TON, but he has Swiffered and done dishes several times...and picked up some of the random things that are left out.

Last night I got my hair cut. It took me over an hour to make a 15-20 minute drive because of the 3 inches of snow we were getting. I had a piece of meat marinating and asked him to put it in the oven. First he complained a little beause he was watching a movie. Then when I said all he had to do was turn on the oven and put it in, he did it. But he didn't cook it in the same pan it was marinating in. Oh, no. He moved it to a different one because he "wanted it to lay straight." 2 dirty dishes. Then when it came time to clean up the kitchen, I had to do it by myself. AND I even said something about him helping and he just watched tv.

He said it was his first day off school (last final yesterday morning) and he wanted to relax like I did on the weekend, to which I replied with a list of everything I did over the weekend.

So I don't know if I should be mad that he was watching TV while I was doing dishes and cleaning the kitchen or forgive and forget because he has been helping out more than normal. I think it's more toward mad (but not hopping mad) because I work all day, make dinner and clean the kitchen while he watches tv. AND I don't really feel like him Swiffering is helping ME out because it's OUR house.

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Re: Since no one else is posting, I have something else to say

  • Temp159135562506975Temp159135562506975 member

    Men don't magically change b/c they are married, or b/c they have kids. they also can't read minds- and don't respond well to nagging.... if you need help you need to ask for it- in a nice way.

    or just don't do it at all - and let him see how you need help.  By just doing it you are enablinng him to be lazy and not help out.

     

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  • MeganBrianMeganBrian
    I would be mad. If my husband wants to eat he'll cook something. We take turns making dinner and the one who doesn't make it cleans the dishes. He lives in this house too, so he has an active role in keeping it nice. I guess I'm blessed to have a husband that wants to take care of the things that we've worked so hard for.?
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  • PlannedChaosPlannedChaos
    Yep - you've already said he's helping out more than is normal for him - so in his mind, he won't see what you're mad about.  You've set a precedent with him that he's living up to - the fact that you suddenly want MORE help isn't going to auto-translate into his head. 
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  • megpyesmegpyes

    I couldn't agree more... the home belongs to both of you, as do the responsibilities to keep it clean and tidy.  In fact, I think the guys should take on more responsibility since we're pregnant.  Some days are crappy... not just bad days, but really crappy, so they should want to help  out.

    As for me, I have to say that DH has also been helping out a lot more than usual, but it comes and goes.  He's responding a little faster to my requests, but I wish he could read my mind- it would make things so much easier.

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  • MegDCMegDC member
    How did he live/take care of the house before you came into the picture?  That's probably what it will look like if you let things be.  He will wait until its uncomfortable for him and then clean to his own requirements.  I'm lucky in that my DH will do things like laundry, dishes, make dinner, sweep the floor etc.  But I know he will never really clean the hardwood and if I let him go the bathrooms could go 2 months without any attention.  If he lived in filth before you met, you are probably going to have to have a longer talk.  If not, let things go that you know will bother him and he will probably do those.
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  • hugoboogiehugoboogie

    IMHO you're putting up with way too much lazy, selfish behavior.  I got this from Dr Phil who I find super duper cheesy..but on this he is right.  You teach people how to treat you.

     

    If you continue to slave away while he watches tv......how is he going to know that you want/need help? If I were you, I'd ask him for his help and have a serious heart to heart if you get grumbles and complaints.    He's being disrespectful.   If all else fails, I'd seriously consider a worker's strike.  Sucky to watch chores go undone, but it generally works after the first try.  Good luck. 

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  • brandistrionfo@gmail.combrandistrionfo@gmail.com

    I'm not sure how to reply.  My DH rarely does anything around the house, because I'm really into cleaning and doing laundry.

    He never takes the initiative to do anything, either, but he'll gripe and moan that I do everything and he never gets to help.

    It's a PITA.  I never know how to get him to do stuff, but when I ask he seems irritated.  I so wish I could just be a SAHM so then I could do it anyway.

    Maybe someday?

    Good luch with your DH.

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  • nuttybunchnuttybunch

    imageMegDC:
    How did he live/take care of the house before you came into the picture?  That's probably what it will look like if you let things be.  He will wait until its uncomfortable for him and then clean to his own requirements.  I'm lucky in that my DH will do things like laundry, dishes, make dinner, sweep the floor etc.  But I know he will never really clean the hardwood and if I let him go the bathrooms could go 2 months without any attention.  If he lived in filth before you met, you are probably going to have to have a longer talk.  If not, let things go that you know will bother him and he will probably do those.

    Before me, he lived with his parents. Same with me. Bummer, I know.

    He's doing more than he used to, but I still get stuck with most of it. Once he noticed the neighbors shoveling and said, "See? They do it together." I told him that if we did laundry together, THEN we could talk about shoveling together. He chuckled like he was joking (which he could have been) and walked away.

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  • nuttybunchnuttybunch
    imagehugoboogie:

    If you continue to slave away while he watches tv......how is he going to know that you want/need help? If all else fails, I'd seriously consider a worker's strike.  Sucky to watch chores go undone, but it generally works after the first try.  Good luck. 

    I mentioned yesterday that I needed help, and he said all that crap about wanting to relax for a day--his first day with no school--like I did on the weekend. Yeah. Right. Laundry and cooking and getting new tires is NOT relaxing.

    And I have gone on strike. For 3 weeks I told him all I would do was iron because I'm a wrinkle freak and he'd rather sit around and wait for the dryer to be done so he can take them out while they're still warm. I tell him I'd rather not let the dryer determine my schedule, so I iron and he doesn't. That worked for awhile. He usually helps for about 2 weeks and then 2 weeks later I have to remind him that I need help. Like clockwork. He's been doing more now that I'm not home as much and I'm tired more, but still.

    My main issue is that when he cleans, I'm at work. When I clean, he's watching TV. If you want to be lazy, fine. But do it when I'm not cleaning. Do it when I'm being lazy with you or when I'm at work. I don't want it to be rubbed in my face that I'm cleaning and he's being lazy.

    And then there are the comments, "Woah!!! Did you see that??? That was sooooo funny!!!" NO! I did NOT see that. I was CLEANING!!!

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