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Discipline suggestions for 2 year old

cyprissacyprissa member
in Attachment Parenting
My 2 yr old is testing limits big time. I try to use a mixture of natural consequences and 1-2-3 Magic but it doesn't always work. He's a great kid but we've been having issues with hitting, kicking and not listening (especially involving things that are dangerous like climbing on top of the table). Redirection and time out don't really work well for him most of the time and he tends to laugh in my face when i ask him to stop doing whatever naughty thing he's into.The only thing that reliably works is timeout for his things...the toy he threw or his art easel because he adores it. However, this also elicits a tantrum which we then need to deal with. Any suggestions?
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Re: Discipline suggestions for 2 year old

  • cyprissacyprissa member
    edited August 2013
    Oh and by deal with the tantrum I mean, wait it out then offer hugs and another short, clear explanation of why he lost his toy.
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  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    I'm right there with you, and DS isn't even 2 yet! He also tries to bite himself when he's mad. It's really tough. I understand your frustration!

    We are just trying to be very gentle and consistent in setting boundaries. Our thing right now is climbing and standing on the coffee table. We tell him that if he is going to climb up there, he must sit, and he cannot stand. Then he stands up. We tell him to sit, and he laughs. So we count to 3, and then we set him on the floor. He starts to cry, so we hug him close (part of this is to prevent the biting) and tell him that when we are upset, we get hugs, and that if we stand on the table when we are told not to, then we cannot be on the table at all.

    In general when DS is upset about something, we acknowledge his frustration ("I see you're upset") and offer to help him when he's ready, while hugging him if he lets us ("When we're upset, we need hugs. I would like to help you, and when you are calm I will help you"). I also try to get down to his level for this instead of bringing him up to mine...I spend a lot of time sitting on the floor with DS. ;)

    It is a daily struggle, but I do really think it's the age and you have to take it one day at a time. If you've been gentle but consistent, and you've managed to keep your cool and maintain control of your own emotions while helping LOs through expressing their big, uncontrollable emotions, then it has been a good day!
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  • pixieprincsspixieprincss member
    Have you read https://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/discipline-managing-toddler or the book The Emotional Life of the Toddler? We've had amazing success with learning to deal with the root emotional issue versus punishing a little person who is brand new to having any sort of self-control and from a child development perspective has nowhere near the maturity we culturally assume kids do. One quick example--your toddler laughing in your face developmentally is very likely not defiance, but rather a release of emotions that he doesn't know how to otherwise deal with. Laughing and crying release the same hormones. Biting, hitting, and temper tantrums are all along the same line of a little one not knowing how to appropriately express their big feelings. We are coming out of a biting phase with DS1 and when I got to the root cause, it was that my 2-year old didn't know how to get out anger and make his voice heard in a healthy way. Together, we were able to have "time ins" and sort it out as a team.

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  • Jennifer AnneJennifer Anne member
    The Emotional Life of the Toddler and Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson have been the two most helpful books for disciplining my DD. The first one really helped us understand why she was doing what she was doing, and Positive Discipline has a lot of practical suggestions. I still refer to them frequently when I need reminders, and it has worked well for my daughter. They were both worth every cent! 
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