DH Vent/ WWPALD? (mrsjessicamitchell)

MJM3108 · August 2013

Okay, ladies, so last night, DH and I had a little tiff over B's hair. He wants to cut it, I don't. He kept saying, "One day when I have a rain day, you're going to come home and it's just going to be cut." I told him no way in hell is he going behind my back to do that. I am simply not ready to cut his hair. I told him if he did that he could expect to be in the sh*t house with me for a while, and be sleeping on the couch. (I was only half joking... well, really I was dead serious.) DH had been holding B during this exchange, and after I said that, DH got all pissy and gave B to me and said "Well here, then. Take YOUR son back!" and stormed outside to go smoke a cigarette. I rolled my eyes and let it go...

FF about a half hour, 45 minutes and we are in B's nursery getting him ready for bed. DH says to me "I just want you to know when you say sh*t like that to me, it makes me feel like a sperm donor, and not his dad." (Dramatic much?) I said, "When you threaten to do things I'm not comfortable with behind my back, it makes me feel like you don't respect me as his mother." That was it. Nothing else said about the whole haircut topic.

So, my question is- is DH really being as much of a drama queen over this as I feel he is? Or am I the one overreacting? I know the whole pick your battles thing, but I really feel like he is the one who should let this go. I mean, WTF is the big deal with letting his hair be long? Not only is it ridiculously adorable, I am just not ready emotionally to give him his first hair cut. (If you ask me why, I couldn't honestly tell you, but the thought of cutting his hair makes me want to cry.)

What say the ladies of PAL???

ETA- put name in title line

ksyknelvr73 · August 2013

He is definitely overreacting. But if it helps, my DH says things like this too. He just gets in the heat of the moment and lets his emotions drive his comments. We usually have the same exact kind of interaction yall just did, and then later we actually talk about it calmly and handle it. It gets resolved that way. For what it's worth, we have had this exact same argument before and my DH actually DID go and get DS' hair cut SUPER SUPER SHORT without my consent (I love it longish).

adoxyinherear · August 2013

It sounds like you both definitely have a lot of feelings about the situation, and I wouldn't say either of you is wrong (though I wouldn't stand for DH doing things behind my back, for sure, and that wasn't a fair comment on his part). I know my DH often gets VERY sensitive about stuff and I'm not sure why, but I feel like the "your" child thing comes up a lot for new parents. You're now responsible for this little being that you both love a whole lot, but you're also human and don't agree on everything. But who is right? Is either parent more entitled to their opinion? It's tricky. I would say when you've both had a chance to calm down, talk to him about why he's so adamant about cutting your son's hair. Explain to him how you feel. I hope it helps. *hugs*

MJM3108 · August 2013

Thanks, ladies! This has come up before, and I think what frustrates DH is that I can't specify exactly why I don't want his hair cut... He says he wants it cut because it's starting to go in DS's eyes. I say that's why we have combs/ brushes, just brush it out of his eyes, NBD.

I guess I may just need to really think about why the thought of cutting his hair gets me so upset. Also, I personally love longer hair on kids in general, boy or girl. DH's mom made him keep his hair long when he was young and he hated it, so I think he is transferring some of that onto DS.

You ladies are wonderful sounding boards, and full of sage advice! Thanks!

adoxyinherear · August 2013

mrsjessicamitchell said:

Thanks, ladies! This has come up before, and I think what frustrates DH is that I can't specify exactly why I don't want his hair cut... He says he wants it cut because it's starting to go in DS's eyes. I say that's why we have combs/ brushes, just brush it out of his eyes, NBD.

I guess I may just need to really think about why the thought of cutting his hair gets me so upset. Also, I personally love longer hair on kids in general, boy or girl. DH's mom made him keep his hair long when he was young and he hated it, so I think he is transferring some of that onto DS.

You ladies are wonderful sounding boards, and full of sage advice! Thanks!

Hope you two can find a happy medium!

orangegoggles · August 2013

I agree it's something to discus again, maybe just trim the hair out of his eyes? I'm with you though, I don't think a 6 month old needs a haircut, it's adorable!

JulyMomma2U2 · August 2013

Have you thought about trimming it yourself? So, then he isn't getting "a big boy haircut", but also his hair isn't in his eyes. DS1 has some super fast growing weeds on his head... They grow and grow.. We have yet to take him for a haircut (I'm not ready for him to look like a little boy as opposed to my baby), but, we trim it every few weeks... We have to. As far as who's being over sensitive,it sounds like you are both strongly opinionated, neither right nor wrong. I would be pissed though if DH cut DSs hair behind my back, but I also would make an effort to have a discussion with him aut why we each feel its necessary or not necessary.. And, honestly, if his hair is covering his eyes, I'd have a hard time arguing against trimming it... Though I think his comment about the "our son" and feeling like a sperm donor are extremes, I can see where he's coming from a bit.. He's asking you to cut it and your blatantly saying no... It makes him feel like you aren't giving him a say.. And,you are feeling the same way., you're saying no, but he's still pressing the issue.. I agree with PPs.. A cool headed convoys definitely needed.. Again,m all about trimming it yourself.. Still looks like a baby hair do' and the hair is out of his eyes.. Good luck!!

MJM3108 · August 2013

Perhaps I an being a little stubborn...

I'm totally an innocent victim of genetics on that one!
I'll offer a trim at home as a compromise tomorrow and see where that goes.
Thanks again, ladies!

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