DH is in the dog house!

BB0214 · August 2013

So yesterday I get off work and I had been craving Taco Bell all day. I tell DH that's what I want for dinner and he tells me," I don't want you to eat fast food." And proceeds to tell me how that can't be healthy for the baby. So I go home and start making my own tacos and tostadas. We are really good at not using the AC. But the heat really effects me during pregnancy. It was over 90 degrees in the house, close to 100 outside, so I wanted the AC on. What does my husband say!?!?!?. Let's turn on the attic fan instead. So I'm swealtering in my house, making my own dinner, and he has the nerve to ask me why I'm pissy. So I told him that I'm tired, I'm hot and I'm hungry. Instead of being nicer, he tells me he can't handle it that I'm irritable.
So today I called him to let him know I was coming home from work. It sounded noisy on his end, so I asked him where he was. He told me he was having some beers with people at work.
Now I'm pissed. I just wonder when he was planning on at least texting me to let me know where he was. I'm not even sure he was going to let me know at all. To the dog house he goes!

MamaVantobe · August 2013

You should have stopped for Taco Bell on your way home and then ate it in your air conditioned house. Maybe I'm just passive aggressive, but that's what I would have done.

NikkiPHNIC · August 2013

Yikes. If a woman wants Taco Bell, you give her that damn Taco Bell!

Codypup · August 2013

I say it's Taco Bell drive-thru time, which you can then consume in a 60 degree air conditioned house. :-D Let him come home to THAT scene!

I'd be pissed, too. He has no right to dictate your food choices unless you're eating noting but mayonnaise out of the jar. And girl, crank that AC on! It has to be 68 degrees in my house in order for me to sleep, and even then I have a fan blowing right at my head.

You have every right to be happy and comfortable.

Kedra231 · August 2013

And please make sure that that Taco Bell is a mama-portion-only...he can make his own supper, or have it while he's out drinking beer (in an air-conditioned bar) with his buddies.

One thing DH doesn't mess with is my air when I'm pregnant (don't know about you, but I've taken my temp, & I'm running about 3 degrees higher than normal, & it doesn't budge, it's not a fever or low grade temp, it's just ME). But telling a pregnant woman what she can't eat (without ANY facts to back it up), followed by saying no air conditioning??? That's suicidal behavior right there.

BB0214 · August 2013

So he came home and I confronted him about not letting me know where he was going. His excuse was that he didn't think we were on speaking terms. I told him that's total bull crap. I've never cared if he goes out. I at least deserved a text message.
What's scaring me is that he usually cares when I'm upset with him. Right now he just doesn't seem to.

ZAngel · August 2013

The day my husband tries to tell me what to eat is the day he doesn't want to live to... and no AC?!?! That's insane. I would throw a fit if our AC ever got above 75. I can't handle the heat ever. I don't know how you put up with that. I wouldn't care if DH went out for beers but telling me what to do... OH NO honey! Not gonna fly.

Go get some Taco Bell and soak in all the AC you want!

RondackHiker · August 2013

Even if you're not on speaking terms, you text the other person and say, "going to the bar, home by 8", so they don't worry you were in an accident.

Also, who doesn't speak? I don't think I've seen couples do the silent treatment since middle school. You might walk away for a minute to regroup, but not speak the next day? Ridiculous.

I'd calm down and then ask him if everything is okay. Say he seems stressed. Usually that results in my H apologizing for being an ass and explaining.

blackbettieberrie · August 2013

Obviously he's never heard of the Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet.

Amyjoy1972 · August 2013

You can tell him that when I asked my mfm if I can have fast food she said all in moderation and that she had to have Wendy's every week when she was prego.

micaelasmakeup · August 2013

This is how men get killed in their sleep.

btrebus · August 2013

He can join my husband in the dog house. We can start our own animal shelter!

AshandThree · August 2013

I love all of these suggestions about getting your Bell on in your AC, but may I also suggest some modifications to the doghouse? Perhaps some boiled vegan tempeh with raw kale for his dinner, served in a house where some poor, sweet pregnant woman, perhaps while slightly dizzy from hunger, may have accidentally bumped the heat on?

BB0214 · August 2013

RondackHiker said:
Even if you're not on speaking terms, you text the other person and say, "going to the bar, home by 8", so they don't worry you were in an accident.

Also, who doesn't speak? I don't think I've seen couples do the silent treatment since middle school. You might walk away for a minute to regroup, but not speak the next day? Ridiculous.

I'd calm down and then ask him if everything is okay. Say he seems stressed. Usually that results in my H apologizing for being an ass and explaining.

I wasn't intentionally doing the silent treatment. He left before I woke up yesterday and my job being as busy as it is, I didn't have a chance to call him.
My pregnant brain being what it is these days hadn't even given Tuesday evening a second thought.
That's still no excuse for him to not text me. He goes ape sh*t when I don't call him on my way home.

Thanks for all your moral support ladies! We did talk. He agreed he should have at least texted me and he agreed that he should not be telling me what to eat or that I can't turn on the AC, especially in my condition. If he were really smart he'd have taco bell waiting for me when I get home!

RondackHiker · August 2013

BB0214 said:

RondackHiker said:
Even if you're not on speaking terms, you text the other person and say, "going to the bar, home by 8", so they don't worry you were in an accident.

Also, who doesn't speak? I don't think I've seen couples do the silent treatment since middle school. You might walk away for a minute to regroup, but not speak the next day? Ridiculous.

I'd calm down and then ask him if everything is okay. Say he seems stressed. Usually that results in my H apologizing for being an ass and explaining.
I wasn't intentionally doing the silent treatment. He left before I woke up yesterday and my job being as busy as it is, I didn't have a chance to call him.
My pregnant brain being what it is these days hadn't even given Tuesday evening a second thought.
That's still no excuse for him to not text me. He goes ape sh*t when I don't call him on my way home.

Thanks for all your moral support ladies! We did talk. He agreed he should have at least texted me and he agreed that he should not be telling me what to eat or that I can't turn on the AC, especially in my condition. If he were really smart he'd have taco bell waiting for me when I get home!

I wasn't slamming you for not talking. I was slamming him for assuming that you were giving him the silent treatment. In a similar situation I feel like most people would ask, "are you okay? We haven't talked yet today?", not assume that you didn't talk because you're pissed.

I don't know. Maybe silent treatment is more common than I thought, but I feel like it's an immature response to a fight. It would drive me mad if I had an argument with him or her, and rather than talk, he or she ignored me. How does that fix anything?

I'm glad he came around!

btrebus · August 2013

My husband gives me the silent treatment. It hurts me more than actually fighting. I think the longest he's ever given it to me was 5 days. He's such a teenage girl when he's mad at me. And NEVER expect an apology out of him (or any man???)

RondackHiker · August 2013

btrebus said:
My husband gives me the silent treatment. It hurts me more than actually fighting. I think the longest he's ever given it to me was 5 days. He's such a teenage girl when he's mad at me. And NEVER expect an apology out of him (or any man???)

Men can apologize. Real men at least. It's part of being an adult.

I'm going to be really honest here. I wouldn't be with someone who gave me the silent treatment (giving each other space to cool off post fight is differ bet). Silent treatment for five days would have me packing my bags on day two or three. How can I have a healthy relationship with someone who won't talk to me? Failing to talk over issues would be a sign that he doesn't care about fixing problems, only about "winning".

Have you guys considered counseling?

btrebus · August 2013

We went to counseling together when we first got married. But the whole "silent treatment" was actually a suggestion from a counselor from when my husband got back from Iraq and had issues. We hadn't met at that point, but that's how he handles his issues. Gotta love VA doctors- friggin idiots.

RondackHiker · August 2013

btrebus said:
We went to counseling together when we first got married. But the whole "silent treatment" was actually a suggestion from a counselor from when my husband got back from Iraq and had issues. We hadn't met at that point, but that's how he handles his issues. Gotta love VA doctors- friggin idiots.

Does he have PTSD? Has he been treated for that? If so, early in my PTSD rehab I was advised to walk away and avoid things that were stressful or triggering. Then I learned to cope that and no longer had to do that.

If he has PTSD, he needs treatment. And five days of silent treatment is so far from okay that you guys need counseling before the ridiculous tensions and stresses of a new baby.

Kedra231 · August 2013

btrebus said:

My husband gives me the silent treatment. It hurts me more than actually fighting. I think the longest he's ever given it to me was 5 days. He's such a teenage girl when he's mad at me. And NEVER expect an apology out of him (or any man???)

I'd rather fight it out than do the silent treatment. And you know, it's pretty difficult if not impossible to keep a home running with kids in if the two responsible parties aren't communicating. I actually couldn't keep my mouth shut that long...we either clear the air & get it settled, or figure out a different way to mediate, but I don't have time for adult tantrums when it's coming from someone I'm supposed to be able to trust & rely on.

And mine apologizes. Sometimes it takes him awhile & I can see the wheels turning, but he does say it, & with words, not a gift or something so I'll let it go or forgive him without him actually admitting he was wrong.

If he tries to freeze you out over the Bro's wknd thing, I wouldn't let him get by with it, or like Rondack, I'd be packing my stuff until he decided to grow up & be a part of an adult relationship.

btrebus · August 2013

Yeah, he does have it. I agree, 5 days is ridiculous. I did pack my bags and stay at a hotel, and he didn't even care that I was gone. That was 2 years ago, and It's only happened once. Our average is 2 days. He's normally a pretty easy going guy, and treats me okay. I mean, last weekend he did the entire nursery for me when I was out of town. Sweetest thing ever! But when he's mad all bets are off.

RondackHiker · August 2013

btrebus said:
Yeah, he does have it. I agree, 5 days is ridiculous. I did pack my bags and stay at a hotel, and he didn't even care that I was gone. That was 2 years ago, and It's only happened once. Our average is 2 days. He's normally a pretty easy going guy, and treats me okay. I mean, last weekend he did the entire nursery for me when I was out of town. Sweetest thing ever! But when he's mad all bets are off.

So are you willing to consider counseling again?

Have you tried talking to him about it when he isn't mad?

BB0214 · August 2013

I'm a therapist so lack of communicating drives me crazy. Hence the issue DH and I ran into.
But I see a lot of people who misconstrue the message of taking space to calm down if things are getting heated or you feel yourself losing control, to giving someone the silent treatment. Taking space is sometimes necessary, but failing to resolve an issue or using silence to hurt someone is destructive.

Have you thought about seeing a recommended couples therapist? Is your hubby in any treatment? PTSD really can compromise a person's ability to regulate and be in relationships.

btrebus · August 2013

He hates going to therapy, and hates talking about his PTSD. We tried couples therapy a couple years ago about a different issue, but he was cynical the entire time- we quit going after 3 times bc he was not taking it seriously. He said he feels under attack all the time.

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DH is in the dog house!

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