Made the MIL mad!

Morgan5252 · August 2013

Last night was talking w/ my MIL and she made the comment that she is riding w/ my DH and I to the hospital when I go into labor. Well she lives about 15 minutes from our house. I told her that if labor starts in the middle of the night or in a storm of some sort (due Dec 31st) I am not waiting for ANYONE when I head to the hospital. She informed me that if I go w/out her she wont be speaking to me for a long time. Don't know any other BLUNT way to tell her that I refuse to wait around!lol

Any advice on how to handle an overbarring MIL?

lba0614 · August 2013

Does she not have her own vehicle? And yeah I'm with you, I sure wouldn't wait for anyone.

Although I find this odd anyway, and I guess I should count myself lucky that I don't have to deal with the crazy MIL problems. I'm sure my mom will get to the hospital soon after me and DH go in, and I'm planning on letting MIL come visit the day the baby is born as long as I'm feeling up to it within a couple hours.

Just weird lol.

BootsOrHearts · August 2013

Let her not speak to you then. It should be up to you how, when and with whom to go to the hospital, she has no right to make demands of you. It's up to you and your husband.

jamrosj · August 2013

Be blunt. Tell her who will be in the room, and tell her when you're ok with her visiting. If she doesn't talk to you consider it a break and don't go on her guilt trip.

bty19 · August 2013

lol......wow.
tell her to meet you there! goodness me.

lilypienmessimy · August 2013

Oh geeze. Let her not talk to you then. That's crazy, she can't make demands like that, I'm sorry. My MIL will be there right away too, along with all of my family, but no one is riding with us and were gonna have a few min with our baby before the craziness begins.

kittyh8r · August 2013

HA! What a joke. My MIL wouldn't want this, but if she did I would make it very clear that I am not waiting for her. I am assuming that she also wants to be in the delivery room..

Yeah, uh no.

2Dash · August 2013

(Lurking from January 2014) - why are you even letting her come??? I certainly wouldn't wait for her - maybe your DH could kindly remind her that this event will be about you and him and not her?

jy725 · August 2013

If she wants to spend the first few days of her grandchild's life sulking about you because she had to drive herself, let her. She is being really selfish.

mightymousy · August 2013

Your nicer than me, I would have been very tempted to say something rude lol. No freaking way would I put up with that. And honestly, threaten as she might, when the baby comes do you really think she'll refuse to talk to you and risk being refused to see her grandchild?

MamaHanna · August 2013

Umm yeah that is ...diffrent?!?!? Does she not know how long labor is? Could you not just call her and she could drive/have someone on stand by to drive/take a cab there in plenty of time?

bty19 · August 2013

Question - is she going to be in the delivery room with you?? was this a plan?

If it was decided that she is going to be in the room too, I can see why shed wan't to go with you........BUT, she can't demand you wait.
She can still meet you at the hospital and join you two if you are already there.

Mrbatesisinnocent · August 2013

Morgan5252 said:

Last night was talking w/ my MIL and she made the comment that she is riding w/ my DH and I to the hospital when I go into labor. Well she lives about 15 minutes from our house. I told her that if labor starts in the middle of the night or in a storm of some sort (due Dec 31st) I am not waiting for ANYONE when I head to the hospital. She informed me that if I go w/out her she wont be speaking to me for a long time. Don't know any other BLUNT way to tell her that I refuse to wait around!lol

Any advice on how to handle an overbarring MIL?

What is she 12? Silent treatment...really? I wouldn't want to pick anyone up either... maybe explain that if she doesn't have her own vehicle, she will not be able to run and pick up food or go home and shower during a long delivery. But seriously, grow up MIL...

nicholssquared · August 2013

If my MIL said that to me I would privately think "Sweet - I've gotten out of talking to her for a long time!"

Self-centered people like that aren't worth keeping around. Is your husband respecting your decision to not take her with you to the hospital? If yes (he should be), there's nothing left to discuss. If she wants to be in her grandchild's life, she's the one needing to make an adjustment.

MEP923 · August 2013

I am dropping my son off to my MIL on the way to the hospital and she will stay home with him. It makes it easier on me. This is one of the many reasons I just don't want anyone in the room besides me and DH this time around. I would set some boundaries with her and she can either follow them or not.

Eta: Also, wanted to add as a PP said if she has no car that means she is stuck in the hospital with you guys the whole time. What if you are in labor for 24 hours? Do you want her sitting there the entire time bothering you? You need space.

lp0 · August 2013

Yeah that would not fly with me at all. Seriously though it would be like vacation if my MIL wasn't talking to me lol. I'd have your DH remind her that this is not about her. Also if she's not talking to you I'd sure as hell not let her visit and see the baby until she apologized. It always blows my mind how self centered people can be.

Aycul18 · August 2013

Jeez! I would just say very nicely, "I'm sorry but we will go directly to the hospital, you can meet us there if you wish and wait in the waiting room". Glad my MIL isn't planning on it, she didn't even go see SIL baby until after she was born. My mother on the other hand, is a whole different story, and would probably do the same.

adawn1981 · August 2013

It's stories like this that make me thankful that my MIL already has 11 grandkids and is not overly involved with my pregnancy. Sure she will want to be called, but that is the extent! My Mom on the other hand is already bitching that we picked a hospital 40 minutes away from her and she doesn't know if she can make it because she does not take freeways. Well Mom, considering I live 50 minutes from you, I picked the closest hospital to ME! Get a ride!

Morgan5252 · August 2013

I will try and sum up everyones questions. We live in a small town outside of the city is wshy she does not want to drive to the hospital. Okay that is fine but my FIL CAN!! So like eveyone was saying I did laugh at her lastnight and so did my DH. I was warned that she will be overbarring when it comes to the baby. I was fine w/ her being in the room for delivery and my FIL was to meet her there so she wasn't stuck w/ us. But last night kinda put me over the edge when I mentioned that if my water breaks or something Im going straight there and she came back w/ the no talking to me! (which one can only wish would really happen)

Morgan5252 · August 2013

"My Mom on the other hand is already bitching that we picked a hospital 40 minutes away from her and she doesn't know if she can make it because she does not take freeways. Well Mom, considering I live 50 minutes from you, I picked the closest hospital to ME! Get a ride! "

OMG that sounds just like her!lol

Morgan5252 · August 2013

I think it will come down to her and I really bumping heads the closer it gets. Will keep you guys updated on the craziness!lol

Brandi81012 · August 2013

Does she know that if she isn't talking to you "for a very long time" she wouldn't be see her grandchild for a very long time. What does your DH think of this? Some people are crazy.

Edit: sorry posted before OP replied about what DH thought. Oops!

lollipoppoop · August 2013

So glad my MIL lives 13 hours away lol no riding with us

utlawgirl · August 2013

Wow, no. Just no. I would be tempted to just laugh at my MIL if she suggested such a thing... and tell her we'll call her after the baby is born. Boundaries, people. Then again, I don't even want anyone visiting at the hospital, so I get that this is a personal decision. But she can find her own ride.

Edit: words

Morgan5252 · August 2013

I have not understood why she can't just get ride w/ FIL have actually been avoiding asking about but the clock is ticking closer so stuff is needing to be hashed out. When I made the joke about not going to deliver on the side of the road b/c I have to wait for her she still demanded that I wait! I just laughed and changed the subject thinking she was kidding but I honestly think she wasn't joking!

mlwerts · August 2013

BootsOrHearts said:

Let her not speak to you then. It should be up to you how, when and with whom to go to the hospital, she has no right to make demands of you. It's up to you and your husband.

This! My MIL lives next door and if she was at my house when I went into labor I would still make her drive separately! I will not be in labor and be worrying about my MIL need a car/driver to go anywhere at any time. I mean what if I'm in labor for more than 24 hours... What if DH decides he wants to stay with me in the hospital from check-in to check-out...

TheSloppySwish · August 2013

utlawgirl said:

Wow, no. Just no. I would be tempted to just laugh at my MIL if she suggested such a thing... and tell her we'll call her after the baby is born. Boundaries, people. Then again, I don't even want anyone visiting at the hospital, so I get that this is a personal decision. But she can find her own ride.

Edit: words

This, exactly. Don't negotiate with terrorists. Do you really think you're going to be in the mood to tolerate this kind of bullshit if you're in active labor?

SoMoNY · August 2013

Stuff like this is why 99% of folks won't be contacted till LO arrives and we are ready to see folks.

What balls she has!

Morgan5252 · August 2013

TheSloppySwish said:

utlawgirl said:

Wow, no. Just no. I would be tempted to just laugh at my MIL if she suggested such a thing... and tell her we'll call her after the baby is born. Boundaries, people. Then again, I don't even want anyone visiting at the hospital, so I get that this is a personal decision. But she can find her own ride.

Edit: words

This, exactly. Don't negotiate with terrorists. Do you really think you're going to be in the mood to tolerate this kind of bullshit if you're in active labor?

I have a feeling no matter how she gets there I will be freaking out on her being over barring sometime in the hospital. I think I will call security if she is there 2 long!lmao

jaykay627 · August 2013

mightymousy said:

Your nicer than me, I would have been very tempted to say something rude lol. No freaking way would I put up with that. And honestly, threaten as she might, when the baby comes do you really think she'll refuse to talk to you and risk being refused to see her grandchild?

This, exactly.

vorse · August 2013

Don't even call her when you go into labor! She can find out once you're already at the hospital or the baby is born. I think that if you give in on this one, and let her ride with you to the hospital, then this is just the beginning of how she's going to manipulate you and your family. Threatening to not talk to you if she doesn't get her way is just childish and ignorant. Doesn't she have a clue that this isn't about her, it's about you and your husband and YOUR new baby? Did she have someone telling her how it was going to go when she had her kids? Doubt it. You need to call her out and tell her she's being childish and she can't direct your decisions with your baby. God, for some reason this really got me fired up.

EmJacks0n · August 2013

Morgan5252 said:
I have not understood why she can't just get ride w/ FIL have actually been avoiding asking about but the clock is ticking closer so stuff is needing to be hashed out. When I made the joke about not going to deliver on the side of the road b/c I have to wait for her she still demanded that I wait! I just laughed and changed the subject thinking she was kidding but I honestly think she wasn't joking!

You need to have your husband stand up to her. His mother, his problem. She is being so unreasonable. You should ask her if she went to pick up her MIL when she was in labor? No? Ok then. If she says yes, how did she feel about it? Bottom line, make him grow up and tell his mom where she can go.

Lyzza350 · August 2013

Craziness! We not talking to you is her choice. If she decided that there is nothing you can do. I would not wait that's crazy for her to expec that!

Morgan5252 · August 2013

Thank you for the advice ladies I will definitely be using it. I was just amazed that those words came from her!

m88bloom · August 2013

I'm always so confused when people want to wait around with you and be there when you deliver. The only one that will be with me while in labor is my SO. I'll shoot my family a text when I go in and again when he's born after that I'll see you the next day this mama is expecting to be tired and in need of some family time.

Mrsfernandez625 · August 2013

Wow! Im dying! This is extremely hilarious

) the solution is simple, tell her not to talk to you then. She has no right to make demands. Be blunt, and don't feel guilty about it.

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