While I'm being a PW...WWPALD?

MickeyM04 · August 2013

OK so here's the situation.

DH's family is all over the country. Over Labor Day weekend, a good chunk of them are all going to be in Ohio (an 8 hour drive from us to get there, and about an hour and 15 mins by flight). DH really wants to go. REALLY REALLY wants to go. He never gets to see most of his family, they've never met DS, etc. The dilemma is, I really do not want to go, AT ALL. Number 1, I don't get along with his parents. Number 2, I do not like traveling with DS unless it's somewhere "worth it" so to speak. Like Disney or something for example. I mean he is at the toddler age where the idea of him in a car for 8 hours or even at an airport, on a plane for a short time kind of makes me super tense and anxious. And to go to freaking Ohio to visit DH's family, you can see where I'm like, the "risk" is not worth the "reward," so to speak. To top it off, I know what's going to happen is that I'm going to be the one who takes DS back to the hotel at bedtime, naptime, etc. I'm going to be the one who tries to get him to sleep in a PNP which he freaking hates, in a strange place, and then I'm going to be the one tip toeing around the hotel room until he wakes up (which at bedtime, will obviously be until I personally go to bed). DH meanwhile would obviously be the one spending time with his family. I would never dream of being like, OK you go back to the hotel with DS, I'll hang out with your family. Just doesn't make sense.

So to me, us going means DH gets to introduce DS to everyone, show him off, etc. and then I am the one who is cleaning up the mess, i.e. dealing with the shitty parts of traveling, like trying to get DS to sleep in a PNP, which apparently he equates with me trying to put him in a pool of pirahnas and sharks. DH is open to going on the trip without us but he's really disappointed because he wants us to come with so everyone can meet DS and so he doesn't have to awkwardly explain why we aren't there (i.e. that I didn't want to come and I didn't want DS to be away from me for the whole weekend). I know I am probably being a huge B but I just can't close my eyes to the fact that I know what's going to happen when we are there, and DH doesn't disagree with me when I talk about it.

So what would you ladies do? Go and suck it up for a few days? Or stand your ground and say it's just not a fair situation to put me/DS in? I am open to hearing what a snotty brat I am being as well

Ladiebug710 · August 2013

Even if it sucks I would go. He should get a chance to show off his little man to the family that has never gotten to see him. 8 hours in a car at that age makes me think bad thoughts about hurting myself so I would spend the money and fly. I know, I know, flying is also not fun, but at least it is less time traveling. So yes, I think you do need to do this one for your DH, I'm sure there will be an opportunity for him to return the favor sometime in the future.

s0ulchicken · August 2013

Most of the ladies here know that I despise my IL's. That being said, unfortunately, I would suck it up and go. See if the hotel can provide an actual crib vs. PNP, which might make it a little easier. I know it stinks though, and I am so, so sorry!

hopefulmom81 · August 2013

Ladiebug710 said:

Even if it sucks I would go. He should get a chance to show off his little man to the family that has never gotten to see him. 8 hours in a car at that age makes me think bad thoughts about hurting myself so I would spend the money and fly. I know, I know, flying is also not fun, but at least it is less time traveling. So yes, I think you do need to do this one for your DH, I'm sure there will be an opportunity for him to return the favor sometime in the future.

This. We took DD on a 13 hour car drive, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I anticipated. We scooped her out of her crib at 4AM and put her in the carseat, and she slept for 4 more hours, we stopped for breakfast and let her run around for about an hour, got back in the car. She slept a bit more and played with DH in the back seat.

The early morning timing worked really well for us, but I would say DH should get to show her off to the fam.

MickeyM04 · August 2013

Thanks, I do appreciate everyone's input, even if I was surely hoping everyone would agree with me!

I was definitely eager to get everyone's input because I know a lot of ladies on here have IL issues so I wanted to get input from people who could relate, since most everyone I know IRL does not have horrible relationships with their ILs, so of course those people are like, you should just go, no problem!

ProfessorPedals825 · August 2013

I agree with @Ladiebug710. I would suck it up and go. Yes, it's going to be difficult, but he wants you to go because he wants to show you off. Trips like this probably don't happen often. Personally, I also can't stand DH's father and wife. I've already made Thanksgiving and Christmas plans to be with my family and MIL, so I know I have to try to fit in a weekend with the FIL. Sucks, but they are family, and I feel obligated. Would it be possible to get a babysitter for one night so you both can be out for the evening? Maybe he'll be so grateful and help you out more when you get back home. I know I would probably milk it a bit and maybe even plan a massage for yourself for the day you get back. Good luck with the decision!

VeilSdeGTO · August 2013

If it were me in your situation, I would not go. BUT... I just had a terrible weekend in a similar situation of DH showing off DD, then it was me and her for the rest of the time so I am a little jaded.

I can see why it would be important for DH's family to meet your DS. I would also fly and try and arrange the time to coincide with nap, or just after if possible. (Side question: Why have they never come to see DS?)

Is there a way for DH to take DS while you stay home? I know that is a scary thought as you are leaving total control to DH. Heh. It is just another option.

JulyMomma2U2 · August 2013

I think you should go, too. Like PPs said.. DH has every right to be able to "show off" his son.. And, family is tricky.. Sometimes you just have to suck t up and smile even though you're gritting your teeth on the inside... Good luck! I would, however, make a point to DH that parenting goes both ways, and its not fair for you to always have to go back to the hotel room alone while DS naps.. I would totally make him come back, too, sometimes so I'm not always alone.. Maybe pick up take out, head back and put DS down for a nap and then you and DH enjoy lunch together, ya know? Tough to do it quiet, but better than sitting all alone all the time... Just my opinion

MickeyM04 · August 2013

The reason they have never come to see DS is not clear to me. After he was born we made it clear that anyone was welcome to visit us and stay with us so they could meet him, and no one took us up on it. That's the other reason I'm "meh" about it probably. I kind of am like, why should we have to go to them if they want to meet DS so badly? KWIM? I mean that's like on the bottom of the list of reasons why I'm irritated, but it is another reason I'm not super gung ho about it.

I agree that he should either agree to help me out more when we go (like coming back at naptime and hanging out with us) or that he should be open to "treating" me when we come back, like allowing me to have some me time or something like that.

The idea of him taking DS alone was discussed but ultimately I do not want to be away from DS for the weekend. Between commuting and work, I am gone 55 hours a week, and I only see DS a couple hours a day during the week and the thought of him being away for a couple of days just kills me. DH agreed that would be unfair so it was dropped as an idea right away.

Thanks for all the thoughts ladies!!!

ksyknelvr73 · August 2013

I agree with the others.....just prepare yourself for the worst and then hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised (or if not, at least you were prepared). Also, tell DH that you would like to have a day to yourself or something when you get back, so you can recover from the trip

MJM3108 · August 2013

Sad to say, but I agree with PP. You've just gotta suck it up and go... Can you maybe plan something fun to do either on the way out or the way back? This may be easier if you drive versus fly out. If you can, plan extra time for the trip and do something as a family together. Ohio isn't exactly the most thrilling state, but make the best of it. Like PP said, ask the hotel for a crib for your room, maybe find a hotel w/ spa services and have DH stay with DS while he naps and you go for some "mommy time."

Andplusalso, just because you're going to visit his family doesn't mean you have to spend every waking hour with them- carve out some family time just for the 3 of you while you're there!

Found this link after a quick google search- not sure where in Ohio you'll be, but HTH:

https://www.familydaysout.com/kids-things-to-do-usa/ohio

MickeyM04 · August 2013

That is actually a great idea, to plan some family vacation type stuff while we are there. Thanks for the link!!!

Junebug060609 · August 2013

I would go. He wants his family to meet his son, and I very much 'get' that. I would consider flying, or at least plan some exhaust-the-toddler rest stops into the drive. I would insist that DH take some of the shitty parenting portions. He wants to go, he needs to experience the upheaval it causes too. Even if you don't want to hang with the ILs, you could get some time to yourself.

damabo80 · August 2013

I'd suck it up. If the situation were reversed, in sure you'd be writing in stating that you were hurt that DH couldn't make this accommodation for your family.

Or, send DH with DS and take a nice relaxing weekend for yourself. Actually this would be my ideal.

Regarding the drama with the pnp, what about just bed sharing? When we travel we just bed share with the kids. Makes life much easier.

And an hour long flight is cake. If I can do a 5 hour flight cross country with 2u2 so the ILs can see our kids, you can do an hour long flight with two adults and a toddler. Really

amidkiff · August 2013

I have to agree with the others, that you should suck it up. It's only a few days and in the grand scheme of things isn't very long. I'd also milk it though, like be very nice and agreeable but let him know he owes you at the same time. I wish you luck!

adoxyinherear · August 2013

Well, I definitely don't think you're a snotty brat. Dealing with family is hard, and traveling long distances with little ones is really hard. That said, I would probably suck it up. If it's something you guys have never done and probably won't have to do more than once a year (or less, it sounds like), it would be a really boss mom and wife move on your part. When it comes to dealing with difficult family (and DH does NOT like my parents, and I have issues with some of his immediate family, too), I try to tell myself that they'll only be with us for part of DD's life, and that whatever our beefs are, she should get to enjoy being loved on and making fond memories.

Teresa1896 · August 2013

Id go too even though I totally get where you're coming from with DH having all the fun times and you being stuck with the hard work... That's totally how it is with me and my DH, which sucks especially when traveling.

densquared · August 2013

Sorry, but I have to agree with everyone else. You have to suck it up and go. I was ust in the same position this past weekend (it's not that I don't like DH's family, I'm just not very comfortable around them). I was secretly glad to take DS back to the room so I could get away. Think of your time with DS napping as time you don't have to be around the ILs. Good luck!

orangegoggles · August 2013

I agree with the others though I completely get it! It will stink for sure but I think you'll be happy you made the decision and won't feel guilty about not going. Plus you can totally do the "I told ya so!" if you need to

MickeyM04 · August 2013

Thanks for all the thoughts, suggestions, input and understanding. I LOVE the idea of bedsharing for a couple of days just to avoid PNP hell (in the event the hotel doesn't have a crib). Thanks again ladies!

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