More daycare issues, could use some feedback!

dhreczuck · August 2013

Seems like tonight is the night for daycare postings!

DS has been in Daycare going on his 2nd week now, so far I've been pretty relaxed about it because he seems happy when he gets there and when he gets picked up. Last week there were two days were we didn't get a daily report, since we had just started my husband and i both forgot to ask for it, no biggie our fault. Today when my husband got there, only one provider was there and when he picked DS up one of the usual women was there along with a new women he hadn't met before. DS had a ton of dried formula on his onsie and when we read the daily report it didn't really make sense, they said he napped from 9-10, had a 5oz bottle at 10:05 and then napped for another 1.5hrs from 10:10 on. My issue is that there's no way DS can finish a 5oz bottle in 5 minutes, it seems pretty inconceivable especially since it's a 4oz bottle so they would have had to refill it. I'm also concerned that noone thought to change him even though we have several extra clothes for him there and that we also weren't notified there would be a new person filling in for the day.

I felt like I had to send an email to the owner to let her know how important accuracy is on those daily reports and that DS should be changed if he gets fairly dirty. Now I'm freaked out that they'll take it out on DS that I complained!!! The women that are usually there seem very sweet so I can't imagine they'd ever do that but I'm totally paranoid. Just looking for a little feedback, what would it take for you to complain? Do you think I'm being hypersensitive new mom?

MNgirl326 · August 2013

I think you need to take a minute and think about it rationally-

The change of clothes- your kid is going to come home dirty sometimes, they have a ton of babies in the room and babies are going to spit up and get dirty. As much as they are going to try and keep your child spic and span for you, they are going to miss things.

The formula bottle 5 oz thing- Does it really matter? I mean, chances are they are estimating times. Its not an exact science.

And new people are going to fill in, they have to stay in ratio- so if someone is gone/sick/has to leave early/is on break they need to fill in with other people. Which can be other people floating into the room from other rooms, or it could be bringing in a sub for the day.

You need to relax. If you go looking for things to find fault with, you are going to always find them. They have lots of babies to take care of and they are going to make mistakes, miss things and are not going to do things as perfect as you do. But the important thing is that your baby is happy and safe. The rest, really isn't that big of a deal.

dhreczuck · August 2013

Thanks, I still have alot of FTM anxiety so it's helpful to get perspective, they only had three other kids to take care of today and according to the report my son slept for almost five hours, so I don't quite feel like that's too much for two people. I just feel like because it's only week two we kind of need to set expectations, to be honest it's just been a bit confusing in terms of how they handle things, the two providers are very soft spoken and it's like pulling teeth to get answers to stuff.. Now I feel bad for sending an email, ugggg

I was very kind about it though hopefully I'm not the only mom thats ever sent one..

AllieMag24 · August 2013

I don't think you should feel bad about emailing. I think communication with day care is super important. I know they have a lot of kids to take care of but honestly, I would be pretty annoyed if my kid was sitting around in seriously dirty clothes. And if they were dirty from formula, it probably means he was in wet clothes for some period of time. It's not that hard to change a onesie while doing a diaper.

LoCarb · August 2013

Communication is key on YOUR part. Yes, the DCP should provide accurate reports, however, it is also the responsibility of the parent to have a voice for your child. If you have questions about the report ask the DCP before asking the director. If there is a new teacher, introduce yourself. After, approaching the teachers if you do not see a change daily sheet accuracy then approach the director.

I'm not trying to be mean just offer advice-follow the chains of command just like your own work force. Avoid being 'that' mom.

dhreczuck · August 2013

I don't do drop off or pick up so I'm relying on DH to communicate with the DCP's which is a little bit of the issue. He spoke with them this morning and I think things are good. If the Director of the daycare was onsite I think it would be a different story, I wouldn't have felt the need to write her about it.

I don't think anyone is being mean, but I will also say I thought about it last night and I don't really care if I am 'that' mom if it means I feel as confident as possible that DS is in good care for 9 hours of the day.

hopefulmom81 · August 2013

dhreczuck said:

I don't do drop off or pick up so I'm relying on DH to communicate with the DCP's which is a little bit of the issue. He spoke with them this morning and I think things are good. If the Director of the daycare was onsite I think it would be a different story, I wouldn't have felt the need to write her about it.

I don't think anyone is being mean, but I will also say I thought about it last night and I don't really care if I am 'that' mom if it means I feel as confident as possible that DS is in good care for 9 hours of the day.

I think there is a difference between a few minor issues and having an overall sense that something is "off" there. For some reason, your original post kind of hit me that you feel like something might be off as far as fit? Or am I just reading too into it?

MNgirl326 · August 2013

Don't feel bad about emailing- you have the right to have the information. if there is something you are not understanding- you have the right to ask questions and get clarification. I just don't want you to feel like they are intentionally doing things, when chances are they aren't.

You will know if something is not a good fit, and you will know if you need to find somewhere else. Just keep an open mind in the meantime and try and keep the lines of communication open as much as possible, in a positive way and things will work themselves out.

RondackHiker · August 2013

I don't think you were 'wrong' to email, but try to ask the teachers about any issues or questions first. They're the ones in there with your child and can directly address concerns or answer questions. You guys are a team, working to care for your child. If you always go over their head to the director, then it feels like you're tattling on them rather than talking to them and treating them like an equal. To me, it doesn't matter if the director is on site or no. I would talk to the teachers first.

As for the issues... i would just ask. I know it seems like something simple to do, but even with three kids and two workers, things can still get jumbled. They should be careful, but perhaps they were writing down multiple kid's info at the same time and wrote the wrong time or amount on your son's sheet accidentally. I'm very good at meaning to write down one letter/number and writing another. Perhaps they meant four and accidentally wrote five. Perhaps he really sucked that bottle down and went right to sleep, and they estimated the time, and guessed wrong. Perhaps they glanced quickly at the amount in the bottle and messed up.

Just tell them that you really count on the sheets being accurate so that you know what he ate and how he slept. It could be that the other parents don't care that much about the sheets (I barely skimmed them) and once they know you do, they'll be more careful.

The outfit... meh. Again, I've seen some parents who complain that their kid gets changed after just a little mess and some parents who don't like their child to have any speck on their kid at all. Just tell them what your preferences are. It's not a big deal.

The new teacher... well, people get sick. People have emergencies and need to leave. I don't expect to be notified for every minor staff change. If the head teacher changed or a regular staff member left, I'd like to know. But minor? No. That is unreasonable to me.

As for talking to the teachers, just be very friendly and say hi. Ask questions and thank them or let them know your child seems happy or content or whatever. Being pleasant and interested in them and their classroom and your child's care, and approaching it like you're on the same team, makes a huge difference.

Karla CS · August 2013

Can you work it into your schedule to do pick up or drop off for a few days? Maybe that would help get you comfortable with things. It's important that you're 100% confident in the people caring for your child, so you may need to suck it up and make that happen.

And just as an aside, when it comes to the daily schedule sheets, they're not going to be precise - they're estimates. They're not standing with a stop watch and checking to see the exact time that each baby fell asleep or woke up. Remember back to when you were watching your son exclusively. Now add 3 more babies to the mix. And think about JUST how accurate you'd be in keeping records for all four children at once.

traveltheworld · August 2013

I know sending your child to DC is hard initially and I sympathize. However, I think you have to be more realistic about how accurate those daily reports can be. DS’s DC has a 1:3 ratio and also has extra staff on hand during meal time. Even so, I know that the daily reports are not accurate. There is just no way for them to keep track of what everyone ate at what time when they are busy dealing with multiple kids who may be screaming, crying, needing attention, needing to be fed or held. They usually won’t write the meal portions of the report till well after the kids are done eating, and by then, it’s only an estimate at best. Back when DS was still taking bottles, the information was slightly more accurate, but oftentimes I think they just wrote down how much was offered, and if DS didn’t finish it all, well, sometimes they remembered to subtract that amount but sometimes they didn’t.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

For naps, they’d report when they put him down for a nap, not when he actually fell asleep; so that one isn’t accurate either. As to the dirty clothes - I only expect DS to be changed if he had an explosive diaper that got onto his clothes. Otherwise, as long as his face hair is clean, I’m happy. Changing a kid head to toe is hard work. Overall, I think it may be better to gage generally how well your LO is doing vs. focusing too much on the daily sheets. You know best as mom if he is doing well.

dhreczuck · August 2013

hopefulmom81 said:

I think there is a difference between a few minor issues and having an overall sense that something is "off" there. For some reason, your original post kind of hit me that you feel like something might be off as far as fit? Or am I just reading too into it?

I think part of my reservation is that the two DCP are extremely quiet women. After talking to other moms who use different Daycare it seemed to me that they are given alot more communication when doing pick up and drop offs, I think it might change and evolve as we get more accustomed to one another, they'll realize Dad doesn't always know to ask questions and that Mom likes to get the daily reports!!

RondackHiker · August 2013

dhreczuck said:

hopefulmom81 said:

I think there is a difference between a few minor issues and having an overall sense that something is "off" there. For some reason, your original post kind of hit me that you feel like something might be off as far as fit? Or am I just reading too into it?

I think part of my reservation is that the two DCP are extremely quiet women. After talking to other moms who use different Daycare it seemed to me that they are given alot more communication when doing pick up and drop offs, I think it might change and evolve as we get more accustomed to one another, they'll realize Dad doesn't always know to ask questions and that Mom likes to get the daily reports!!

I think you're going to have to accept that the daily reports are estimates.

And if you want your H to ask more questions, then he has to do it. Just tell him to ask how the day went and ask what they did that day. If he's reserved and your daycare providers are reserved, that's just kind of how it is. I don't think they're trying to hide things from you or keep things from you. They're just reserved.

You're not going to know everything that happened every day.

Have your H talk to the teachers if you have questions or concerns. Or give a call during the day and check in and see how your little one is doing and be super friendly and chatty to encourage the teachers to open up.

dhreczuck · August 2013

tas1883 said:

I totally understand why you want accurate reports or even just to know how your LO's day went. My H is responsible for pick ups during my busy tax season as I work way past closing time. I actually wrote a very nice note asking for the teachers to please give me an accurate accounting of what DD ate, slept, (we were PT at this point) if we had an accident and why we had one and which teacher she spent her day with. I just explained to them that H didn't know how to ask the right questions and by the time I got home DD was already in bed. This worked wonders and I got a better sheet after asking and explaining why. Once I went back to pick ups I told them they could discontinue writing out a report for her as if I had questions I could just ask. If your H is anything like mine when he does drop of and pick up he is trying to get in and out as quick as possible and is stressed by the whole thing. I would try and arrange it so you could do pick up at least and drop of at least once a week. That should help you feel better too. It does get better with time and the relationships to grow.

Yup, love DH but he's a typical guy and just doesn't think about these things sometimes, I do think it's important to at least know the basics, such as when DS napped or ate, he's only 3.5 months so knowing these things goes along way with dealing with appeasing him once he's at home. I gave DH clear instructions this morning and it seemed to work and he totally gets that he needs to be more conversative with the ladies so fingercrossed.

I guess I'm a little more uptight than everyone else but I do have an issue with DS sitting with the entire front of his onsie covered in formula, a bit of spit up here and there is fine but this was all down his side and front I'm just not ok with that unless it clearly had just happened.

KayteeGee · August 2013

So, I also think you need to relax a bit.
But I say that coming from a BTDT position. When DS started daycare at 8 mo I remember feeling really frustrated by not having more info about what "went on" during the day. Looking back I can say in truth, that even a glowing novel wouldn't have felt enough for me because what I really wanted was to know just as much as I knew before... which just isn't going to happen when they're in DC.
I simmered with it for a bit, cried to DH that I felt like I didn't know what was going on and I was "missing" things, then I talked with his main teacher - and just told her that I was new to all of this and that I would really love it if she could just give me a couple more "nuggets" of info. She gave me a big hug told me it was totally normal and then started keeping a little spiral journal of "notes" for me. Now, of course, 2 years later (different teachers/different classes, of course) I'm lucky if I remember to grab the report and if I do and I actually manage to read it I find it's sometimes near impossible to be accurate, and frankly, I don't care... because he loves it there, his teachers are great and I've now had 2 years of daycare experience so my frame of reference has changed.
So I guess my point is, don't worry about sending the email to the director (it's done and you are a new mom so you can't possibly be the first), talk to the teachers - get to know them (It will help your comfort level, esp as I see you are an older mom like me) - and know that you'll very likely develop a comfort level with the daycare "concept" and these things won't feel so "big." Of course, if your alarm ever goes off that's something different. But if the timing and bottle size notes are really part of a feeling of just not "knowing enough" - I think it's normal for FTMs ... and I can tell you from my experience that it passes.

RondackHiker · August 2013

dhreczuck said:

tas1883 said:

I totally understand why you want accurate reports or even just to know how your LO's day went. My H is responsible for pick ups during my busy tax season as I work way past closing time. I actually wrote a very nice note asking for the teachers to please give me an accurate accounting of what DD ate, slept, (we were PT at this point) if we had an accident and why we had one and which teacher she spent her day with. I just explained to them that H didn't know how to ask the right questions and by the time I got home DD was already in bed. This worked wonders and I got a better sheet after asking and explaining why. Once I went back to pick ups I told them they could discontinue writing out a report for her as if I had questions I could just ask. If your H is anything like mine when he does drop of and pick up he is trying to get in and out as quick as possible and is stressed by the whole thing. I would try and arrange it so you could do pick up at least and drop of at least once a week. That should help you feel better too. It does get better with time and the relationships to grow.

Yup, love DH but he's a typical guy and just doesn't think about these things sometimes, I do think it's important to at least know the basics, such as when DS napped or ate, he's only 3.5 months so knowing these things goes along way with dealing with appeasing him once he's at home. I gave DH clear instructions this morning and it seemed to work and he totally gets that he needs to be more conversative with the ladies so fingercrossed.

I guess I'm a little more uptight than everyone else but I do have an issue with DS sitting with the entire front of his onsie covered in formula, a bit of spit up here and there is fine but this was all down his side and front I'm just not ok with that unless it clearly had just happened.

So then tell his teachers that. They have no way of knowing if you're the type to be mad you "wasted" his clean clothes or if you're upset he's dirty. Just tell them, don't go over their head.

MNgirl326 · August 2013

RondackHiker said:

dhreczuck said:

tas1883 said:

I totally understand why you want accurate reports or even just to know how your LO's day went. My H is responsible for pick ups during my busy tax season as I work way past closing time. I actually wrote a very nice note asking for the teachers to please give me an accurate accounting of what DD ate, slept, (we were PT at this point) if we had an accident and why we had one and which teacher she spent her day with. I just explained to them that H didn't know how to ask the right questions and by the time I got home DD was already in bed. This worked wonders and I got a better sheet after asking and explaining why. Once I went back to pick ups I told them they could discontinue writing out a report for her as if I had questions I could just ask. If your H is anything like mine when he does drop of and pick up he is trying to get in and out as quick as possible and is stressed by the whole thing. I would try and arrange it so you could do pick up at least and drop of at least once a week. That should help you feel better too. It does get better with time and the relationships to grow.

Yup, love DH but he's a typical guy and just doesn't think about these things sometimes, I do think it's important to at least know the basics, such as when DS napped or ate, he's only 3.5 months so knowing these things goes along way with dealing with appeasing him once he's at home. I gave DH clear instructions this morning and it seemed to work and he totally gets that he needs to be more conversative with the ladies so fingercrossed.

I guess I'm a little more uptight than everyone else but I do have an issue with DS sitting with the entire front of his onsie covered in formula, a bit of spit up here and there is fine but this was all down his side and front I'm just not ok with that unless it clearly had just happened.

So then tell his teachers that. They have no way of knowing if you're the type to be mad you "wasted" his clean clothes or if you're upset he's dirty. Just tell them, don't go over their head.

Then tell them. This is not this hard. If you don't see the classroom teachers during drop off and dh doesn't talk to them at pick up. Pick up the phone and call. Let them know if you have noticed he's coming home pretty dirty, voice that you are concerned maybe LO is spitting up a lot and you are curious about it. If he's not spitting up more then normal, just ask if they are can change him if he gets dirty. But once again you are going to need to accept that they are human and they can't do everything as perfectly as you because they have other babies to take care of. Once again, you need to relax a bit otherwise you are going to be miserable and over analyzing every little thing. Is your baby healthy? Yes. Getting fed? Yes. Safe? Yes. Happy? Yes. The rest is really not that big of a deal.

Veittobe · August 2013

I could have written your post 2 years ago when my LO first started daycare. I completely understand how you feel and honestly would have done/thought and worried about the same things.

During the first month we were at daycare I asked for clarification on the sheets multiple times and often had to ask who was watching my LO through the day because there would be someone new I didn't know. There will be teachers coming in that you may have not met yet. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to ask who they are and how often they will be there.

I think communication is important. And they are going to be used to first time Mom's asking more questions than the "seasoned Mom's". Just be polite and respectful about your questions. But do not hesitate to ask.

RibbitGrl930 · August 2013

I agree with pretty much every sentiment here. It is perfectly fine to have concerns that the reports you're getting may not be accurate, but, as PP have said, those times are usually estimates. When I was on leave, I vowed I would keep detailed feeding, diaper change, and sleep schedule info. Yeah. That lasted all of a day, and that was just one baby. I also second going to the teachers with concerns rather than going straight to the director. Short of outright negligence or abuse, any concerns or questions about your child's care should be discussed directly with the source. Don't worry too much, and take it easy on yourself too. FTM anxiety is killer, but it does get better.

JennaNAaron · August 2013

dhreczuck said:

Thanks, I still have alot of FTM anxiety so it's helpful to get perspective, they only had three other kids to take care of today and according to the report my son slept for almost five hours, so I don't quite feel like that's too much for two people. I just feel like because it's only week two we kind of need to set expectations, to be honest it's just been a bit confusing in terms of how they handle things, the two providers are very soft spoken and it's like pulling teeth to get answers to stuff.. Now I feel bad for sending an email, ugggg I was very kind about it though hopefully I'm not the only mom thats ever sent one..

I understand how hard it is to start DC. I would communicate with them, but I think if you're really concerned about "setting expectations" and want things exactly your way, that a nanny may be a better fit for you. At a DC they have multiple children and while they do take into account what you say, things will still often get done in their way. It's not individualized care and you have to keep that in mind.

ASmallWonder · August 2013

I'll just ditto what most others have said. In the grand scheme of things, 4 ounces or 5, 10:05 or 10:15 - is it really that big a deal? I absolutely understand wanting to know what their day is like and if there's a legitimate concern about his sleep or eating then yes, accuracy becomes more important but really, I couldn't tell you on any given day exactly how much my kid ate or slept. If it seems within the realm of normal, it falls into the "normal day" category and daycare is no different.

SunAndRain · August 2013

From one FTM to another, I found great success in talking, not emailing, the teachers and directors. I get that you don't do drop off and pick up but I would encourage you to try to squeeze it in a few times per week.

I always made a point to stop in to the directors office to say hi and ask how their day was. Amazing what I would find out just through casual conversation. They would tell me stories about what they observed my DD doing that day or about what she did when they visited with her. I wouldn't have know that they spent time with her from her dailies - and it made me happy to know that she was getting the extra attention.

With her teachers, same thing. I'd ask how their day was, in addition to how DD"s day was. Just building that rapport and level of comfort with one another made it so easy and comfortable for me to ask questions and they never felt like they were walking on egg shells with me.

Also, building those relationships gave me more resources to tap in to with parenting questions. I would ask their advice regularly. The assistant director raised five children - that is a lot of experience from which I could gain insight!

The best approach, IMO, is to view this as a team effort. And to let the little things go like precision on dailies and changing clothes when they get some food on them. If it isn't a health, safety or development issue, and your child is happy and thriving, then that should be indicative of a good situation.

Dacey · August 2013

Communication is important, and I think DCPs expect FTMs to be a little more worried and concerned. I remember one day, my mom (who I trust above anyone else in the world, including myself!) was watching Luke (3 months at the time) all day while I worked. I got home, and he was still in the pajamas from the night before. I had an emotional breakdown after she left, and called my husband, freaking out about why she wouldn't have done something as simple as change his clothes. Well, the next day, she was telling me how when he woke up the morning before, in those jammies, he looked just like me when I was a baby, and how she loved those jammies so much, she kept him in them all day because it reminded her of taking care of me. Of course, I felt terrible for ever doubting her... so, all that to say hopefully when you talk with them, they'll say something that will make you feel all better.

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