Advice on gently telling family to back off social media?

marhuz · August 2013

We have had a problem throughout our pregnancy of our family members posting information online that we weren't really ready for. Multiple family members posted about us being pregnant when I was still really early and hadn't told work (my sister then became upset with me when I asked her to take the post down). Then at our family shower, 3 people had announced the gender of our baby online within minutes.

I know they are excited, and I am happy they are excited.

At the same time, I think this is my and my DH information, and that it should be up to us to announce information to the world when and how we are comfortable. As we are getting close to the actual due date I am nervous about the frenzy that will occur afterwards.

Any advice on how to gently talk to our family about letting us take the lead on the big news?

JenMatt2010 · August 2013

I wasn't gentle about it. When we called our family and texted our friends following DS's birth, I said no facebook until WE announce it.

My husband's cousin posted his info and full name before I had a chance to get in touch with my brother (he lives in Cali) and i sent her a text telling her to take it down.

Who cares about being firm about it, it's YOUR information to share, IMO

hartsl01 · August 2013

I guess I'm in a different boat than you. We shared with our family early (7 weeks) that we were expecting, I told all of them not to post anything until they saw us put up something. Although, parents and siblings are not that active on social media.

At our gender reveal, I made an announcement before we opened the box to stay off of social media because we had more family that couldn't make it that we wanted to share the news with. I told them that once we posted something, they could.

I think you should just tell them how you feel about it and that you don't want all the news out there for the world to see. Tell them that you'll share it when you are comfortable with it and they are free to post after that. I would hope that they would respect that request.

Stellabelle12 · August 2013

marhuz said:
I know they are excited, and I am happy they are excited.

At the same time, I think this is my and my DH information, and that it should be up to us to announce information to the world when and how we are comfortable.

I'd just say this. It's perfectly reasonable to want to be the ones to share your news...you're the parents! Your family should understand, especially if you make it clear you're happy they're so excited but it is your news to announce.

magicalbride2bee · August 2013

I agree with JenMatt2010. You can be nice but make sure you're stern. Be direct and tell them that you will post on Facebook when you are ready to.

JenMatt2010 · August 2013

Also I asked that no one post pictures of DS on FB without clearing them with me first. I have my profile locked down and I'm weird about having stuff online, and it made me really uncomfortable to think a few hundred people I didn't even know would have access to DS's baby pics the same day he was born...

hlb622 · August 2013

I actually wondered how to delicately handle this in advance so no one is tweeting and facebooking our LO's arrival and stats from the waiting room outside of L&D. Mainly because when we told my ILs, my sweet MIL immediately grabbed her phone to post the news before we had even finished hugging the room. Thankfully, my SIL (a new mom herself) took her phone away so that the extended family that didn't know we were expecting didn't find out through someone else's post/tag. Maybe I'm just overthinking it (which I admit to doing often).

Wino0920 · August 2013

Send a text to everyone, or email, telling people that you want to it announce it first. Plain and simple.

jamiegirlag04 · August 2013

When we told people we were expecting the very next thing I said was not to post on FB be I want to tell people. Unfortunately, my name has gotten out on FB and that made me mad but oh well.

tashad18 · August 2013

I was very open and blunt from the beginning about what I wanted. I told my family and told them not to put it on facebook. I also told them that if it would be a problem I would just not tell them things ahead of when I was ready to tell everyone else.

It is great that family is excited and we expect them to be, but they need to realize that this is YOUR pregnancy and things should be done on YOUR time. With me, I had suffered a loss with my previous pregnancy, and I knew it is much harder to grieve when you have told others and have to explain an early loss to them. So I was adamant this time to not let the general public know until I was comfortable in case. Despite your reasoning, it is your child and your choice and family should respect that.

kimbo1216 · August 2013

Um. Stop telling them stuff you don't want them to share online. Or make a point to tell them, "hey, we want to share something with you, but please keep fb quiet as we aren't ready to share yet". Don't just assume they know.

Mae208 · August 2013

When I had DS my SIL took some pictures of us all in the hospital. On her way out the door she said 'ill get these up on FB later today!' I was like UMMM NO YOU WON'T!!! It's seriously weird to me that people don't automatically assume to should keep things private.

Amcdonnel1028 · August 2013

I would def be firm about it. I will be telling my family the same thing. You'd think it's just common sense to let the parents share the news, but unfortunately it's not.

Weljadraak · August 2013

Make a Facebook post about it.

pmarie33 · August 2013

I was stern at the beginning. When I told my brothers, I specifically said nothing on FB unless they see it from me first. This wasn't really meant for them, but their wives, my SILs.

caseyp10 · August 2013

Ugh that's so annoying. I agree with PP - you have to tell them up front (I had to do this as well) - DO NOT PUT ANYTHING ON FACEBOOK UNTIL I DO. Otherwise don't tell them anything that you haven't already announced on social media yourself first.

skyla13 · August 2013

kimbo1216 said:

Um. Stop telling them stuff you don't want them to share online. Or make a point to tell them, "hey, we want to share something with you, but please keep fb quiet as we aren't ready to share yet". Don't just assume they know.

This, if you know they can't help themselves, it doesn't hurt to say - look, we want to keep you in the loop because you're family and whatnot, but we're going to stop sharing if you don't stop turning around and telling the world. We're telling YOU, not your 400 Facebook friends.

finnybooboo · August 2013

When we told our families we were expecting, we specifically said straight up no one better put it on facebook until we announce it ourselves. I'm planning on telling everyone the same exact thing when I go into labor/have the baby.

nortonmol · August 2013

I think some people are just dense about this and you need to constantly tell them not to share the news on facebook, especially since it is not their news to share. I see this all the time in our family with news about engagements, birth announcements, etc. So when we were telling our family, we just said, please don't post anything about this on facebook until we specifically tell you its okay to post on facebook or whatever they are using. Also, as soon as you see it, it's good to text/call and tell them to take the posts down, so they know you're serious.

ksimo6 · August 2013

I don't do gentle either. I flat out told them all that I did not want my pregnancy plastered all over FB. And when the baby comes... I plan to tell them to please wait until I post info in the kiddo before they do. The last thing I want is a hospital room full if my noisy friends and their families. I love them all but there are a ton of them and we want our families to be able to soak up this kid first.

HFrizzle · August 2013

Don't tell them anything. Let them find out when you decide to post about it. Very easily handled and no one feels left out. If they complain, then tell them why you are soon it. You can only be nice for so long while someone is stealing your thunder.

EmJ&B · August 2013

My sister posted on FB before I had a chance to announce it and I was furious. I've made sure the entire family knows that they may not put anything about my kid on facebook.

Wino0920 · August 2013

I also was glad that people were doing it for me because I was thinking nothing of Facebook at that time. When I got on for the first time the next day, it was so awesome having all the messages to me.

LetsGoToDisney · August 2013

We had a "no social media" discussion with the family and friends that knew we were expecting. We said we would post a public birth announcement when the time came and send email with links to private albums.

norbert5 · August 2013

We were pretty blunt with DD1 that we didn't want pictures or posts up without our permission. Once we set the ground rules for her we haven't had to be so tough for DD2 or 3.

Just let people know what you want and hopefully they have enough common sense to follow directions.

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