Is DH being crazy? Taking separate flights.

2-Step · August 2013

My DH has a cousin getting married in San Diego this fall. It would be a fun quick weekend trip for us and a great opportunity for an adult getaway, which we haven't had since our kids were born. However, DH refuses to fly with me alone without our kids. He says if the plane goes down our kids will be orphans and he can't handle the idea of that happening. Personally I think this is crazy, because we drive together alone all the time and the same thing could be said for a car accident. He said we either shouldn't go or we should take separate flights, which sounds really lame to me. I thought he was insane, but then I talked to a few people who actually do this! They plan romantic getaways and then book different flights so their kids won't be orphaned if something happens. This would never cross my mind. He is not a paranoid person by any means and is actually pretty laid back in most aspects. Is this weird!? I think so, but maybe I am the crazy one.

MamaAllison · August 2013

I've heard of it before, but I tend to agree with you that it is on the crazy side. Like you said, you have a much better chance (unfortunately) of something happening when you are driving together in a car, and he does that!

shannm · August 2013

My ILs didn't fly until very recently citing this as the reason why.

I can see my DH thinking this way too although it hasn't been an issue yet.

If it makes him feel better and it isn't too much of a hassle, I would just let him have his way.

financialdiva · August 2013

You know, the thought would have crossed my mind to do something like this, bc I'm super paranoid when it comes to this, but I would never actually do it b/c when you say it out loud, it sounds silly.

Like you said, statistically, you are more likely to die in a car then on a plane. Although, I might not tell him that b/c then you will never be able to drive on a date together again!

EastCoastBride · August 2013

yeah.... as flying is safer than driving, I don't get the point of doing this if you don't drive in separate cars.

I did know a couple once, though, who actually did drive separately specifically for this reason.

LoCarb · August 2013

I understand the reasoning but catalog it under crazy.

Five Months to Plan · August 2013

DH and I have been on a plane together for at least 3 trips since DD was born. This came up the first time we flew. We drive together though all the time and I really feel that is less safe.

kristennd · August 2013

There are only two flights a day out of here, so we'd never be able to coordinate anything.

It's a concern I've heard of, but the disadvantages and inconveniences -- regardless of airport size -- totally outweigh it.

litzo27 · August 2013

Does anyone else remember a Mad About You episode where they did it?
Anyway. Crazy in my book but if DH insisted I would do it once. Seeing how much hassle it is he probably wouldn't insist in the future.

jlaOK · August 2013

I have a friend who does this, but I think it's crazy.

*sparky* · August 2013

The top executives at my old company did this for the same reason - so if there was a crash they would not all be killed. But they had multiple private jets at their disposal and pilots on standby so they could coordinate whatever flight times they wanted. I think for the average couple to never fly together for the same reason is a little paranoid and also a huge PITA as someone else brought up.

And using that logic, you shouldn't drive together either.

jf198400 · August 2013

My DH has suggested this also (I think his parents actually did this when he was a kid). We talked about it and decided that yes it does kinda make sense, but at the same time we're not going to let fear/paranoia control the way we live. We have only flown once since having kids (on a romantic getaway to Jamaica), we would not have been able to get such a great deal if we had to book the flights separately and it would have been a huge PITA.

SarahinMD · August 2013

We don't do that, but I know a couple who does (she is a flight attendant and he works in security for the govt)... They fly together if kids are with them, but if its just them, they fly separately. I think it's a bit much, but they're not otherwise weird people, so I think it just comes from their backgrounds.

2-Step · August 2013

Ok, so would you still go or say no? We live in Seattle, so it's fairly easy to coordinate flights at or near the same time of day, and I've flown alone a lot, so that doesn't really bother me. I just think it's silly so I said no. It might be the only way I get to getaway though!

He said he knows it is crazy but it is a fear of his and he is already nervous on flights and that would just make it too much. So, would you go and fly separately or plan a different getaway somewhere you could drive together? I'm indifferent about the wedding, but the place we would stay in SD is really nice and we have family/friends there to see, so it would be a fun destination.

EastCoastBride · August 2013

2-Step said:

Ok, so would you still go or say no? We live in Seattle, so it's fairly easy to coordinate flights at or near the same time of day, and I've flown alone a lot, so that doesn't really bother me. I just think it's silly so I said no. It might be the only way I get to getaway though!

He said he knows it is crazy but it is a fear of his and he is already nervous on flights and that would just make it too much. So, would you go and fly separately or plan a different getaway somewhere you could drive together? I'm indifferent about the wedding, but the place we would stay in SD is really nice and we have family/friends there to see, so it would be a fun destination.

For a wedding, I'd probably suck it up and go, even if on separate flights. But moving forward? It would probably affect my desire to really do anywhere that involved a flight in the future. I've traveled plenty by myself. That's not the issue- but I just LIKE to have company on a flight. especially the longer the flight! And for DH and I, vacation usually starts on the flight w/ drinks! I'm not going to be getting into the spirit if I'm by myself.

And on another note, in exactly one week, I'll be on my way to Seattle!

We're visiting friends and i've never been. I'm SUPER excited!

Mustardseed2007 · August 2013

I work for a closely held corporation that is owned by 2 family members 50-50. They never fly on the same plane together b/c of the plane crash fear. They also don't usually ride in cars together.

However, if they go on a trip with their spouse they fly on the plane with them. Now that we're talking about spouses flying together it makes me giggle a little bit. Like it's okay if the owner's kids are orphaned but not okay if the company is left without an owner. I never thought about it before.

Mustardseed2007 · August 2013

You know, maybe it might be smarter if you just make sure your wills and life insurance are up to date before you take a trip.

My boss actually always does this before he and his wife go on a trip. I guess I work for a company of paranoid people.

Fullcircle06 · August 2013

I do understand the logic, but like you said, the car is more unsafe. That being said, if you can work it out to travel separately and it's not crazy expensive, I'd probably go. Leave first and book yourself a massage while you wait

.

MidwestGidget · August 2013

Two of my parents' friends do this. 30 years later (and the youngest in grad school), they're still doing it.

Two flights, double the chance now of one of you having a late takeoff/stranded someplace else/getting bumped whathaveyou. Ick.

I second Mustardseed's opinion about updating wills and ECB about going this time, but trying to come to a more sustainable long-term solution for future trips.

mexicolombiana · August 2013

Like Locarb above I understand but catalog it under "crazy". Then you can never travel in the same car as your spouse again. I mean the president and VP do this, but you know, they're the PRESIDENT AND VP of the US.

Curls218 · August 2013

We just talked about this the other day because SIL & BIL do the separate flight thing when they travel w/o the kids. DH and I think it's ridiculous for all the reasons people said above.

bullybutt · August 2013

What if you take two different flights and one of them goes down...then you do the "what ifs" afterwards...If we had only taken Flight A together, we would both still be here to raise our children. We should never had him/her take Flight B..yada yada yada. Like PP said, it's ridiculous to live your life in fear of the improbable. When it's your time, it's your time!

thedash · August 2013

2-Step said:

Ok, so would you still go or say no? We live in Seattle, so it's fairly easy to coordinate flights at or near the same time of day, and I've flown alone a lot, so that doesn't really bother me. I just think it's silly so I said no. It might be the only way I get to getaway though!

He said he knows it is crazy but it is a fear of his and he is already nervous on flights and that would just make it too much. So, would you go and fly separately or plan a different getaway somewhere you could drive together? I'm indifferent about the wedding, but the place we would stay in SD is really nice and we have family/friends there to see, so it would be a fun destination.

I'd be willing to fly separately if it's not a major inconvenience since he is admitting it's a fear of his.

Mustardseed2007 · August 2013

Ok, so would you still go or say no? We live in Seattle, so it's fairly easy to coordinate flights at or near the same time of day, and I've flown alone a lot, so that doesn't really bother me. I just think it's silly so I said no. It might be the only way I get to getaway though!

He said he knows it is crazy but it is a fear of his and he is already nervous on flights and that would just make it too much. So, would you go and fly separately or plan a different getaway somewhere you could drive together? I'm indifferent about the wedding, but the place we would stay in SD is really nice and we have family/friends there to see, so it would be a fun destination.

--------

I would do it THIS TIME. But after that then I would not do it anymore. For me I would make him seek professional help b/c I couldn't live like that. And I definitely would not say to myself - oh well it's a fear of my husband's so I guess we won't take flying trips. No way. I want to take a big trip at least once per year that involves flying so this would not work for me. Plus I HATE driving long distances. So boring. But that's me.

2-Step · August 2013

EastCoastBride said:

2-Step said:

Ok, so would you still go or say no? We live in Seattle, so it's fairly easy to coordinate flights at or near the same time of day, and I've flown alone a lot, so that doesn't really bother me. I just think it's silly so I said no. It might be the only way I get to getaway though!

He said he knows it is crazy but it is a fear of his and he is already nervous on flights and that would just make it too much. So, would you go and fly separately or plan a different getaway somewhere you could drive together? I'm indifferent about the wedding, but the place we would stay in SD is really nice and we have family/friends there to see, so it would be a fun destination.

For a wedding, I'd probably suck it up and go, even if on separate flights. But moving forward? It would probably affect my desire to really do anywhere that involved a flight in the future. I've traveled plenty by myself. That's not the issue- but I just LIKE to have company on a flight. especially the longer the flight! And for DH and I, vacation usually starts on the flight w/ drinks! I'm not going to be getting into the spirit if I'm by myself.

And on another note, in exactly one week, I'll be on my way to Seattle! We're visiting friends and i've never been. I'm SUPER excited!

You are coming at the best time of year! We have a lot of great stuff within driving distance (whistler, portland, coast, mountains, lakes, san juan islands etc.) so it's not a huge deal for us to find places for getaways that are fun nearby in the future, but yeah it is a little more restrictive. I agree the fun starts on the plane (provided children are not there).

2-Step · August 2013

Fullcircle06 said:

I do understand the logic, but like you said, the car is more unsafe. That being said, if you can work it out to travel separately and it's not crazy expensive, I'd probably go. Leave first and book yourself a massage while you wait .

I like you. This is a great solution

2-Step · August 2013

Mustardseed2007 said:

Ok, so would you still go or say no? We live in Seattle, so it's fairly easy to coordinate flights at or near the same time of day, and I've flown alone a lot, so that doesn't really bother me. I just think it's silly so I said no. It might be the only way I get to getaway though!

He said he knows it is crazy but it is a fear of his and he is already nervous on flights and that would just make it too much. So, would you go and fly separately or plan a different getaway somewhere you could drive together? I'm indifferent about the wedding, but the place we would stay in SD is really nice and we have family/friends there to see, so it would be a fun destination.

--------

I would do it THIS TIME. But after that then I would not do it anymore. For me I would make him seek professional help b/c I couldn't live like that. And I definitely would not say to myself - oh well it's a fear of my husband's so I guess we won't take flying trips. No way. I want to take a big trip at least once per year that involves flying so this would not work for me. Plus I HATE driving long distances. So boring. But that's me.

Eh. I don't see it being something that he needs professional help for. We would likely only fly places together without the kids maybe every five years. 99% of the time we take our kids with us and there are a ton of local places to explore that are great for adults only trips, so to me its not a huge quality of life issue. He is not paranoid in any other area of life, we have up to date wills. I catalog this under a quirk that he feels strongly about. I know I have a few that he doesn't agree with, but accommodates.

SparkySharky · August 2013

Just take the LO with you. Boom. Problem solved.

(If this was in the appropriate font, the letters would be dripping.)

Fortunately this hasn't occurred to my husband and I'm going to try to keep it that way. But I would give into him if flying separately is what he wanted, b/c it's hard enough getting him on a plane at all. Since he's normally rational, just let him have this thing. Maybe he'll see what crazy feels like and not like it. Or maybe something else will happen that had a microscopic chance of ever happening and he'll gain some perspective. Or have a second and third kid so he loosens up altogether. But, seriously, bottomline: let him have it and work on it on a case-by-case basis. At some point it will be horribly impractical and you'll have a better chance of bringing him around then.

SparkySharky · August 2013

I just noticed you had two kids already (and one is 4! You haven't flown in 4 years!?! I'm so in danger of that being me, too...

( ), so start working on that 3rd one!

2-Step · August 2013

SparkySharky said:

I just noticed you had two kids already (and one is 4! You haven't flown in 4 years!?! I'm so in danger of that being me, too... ( ), so start working on that 3rd one!

We've flown in the last four years, to hawaii, san diego twice, sacramento. We just always brought our kids with us, or I was flying alone for my work or one of us was on a girls/guys trip. We do get away together, but we haven't flown with just us two and not the kids.

st.augbride · August 2013

This whole post makes me paranoid and has messed with my head! We have our first alone trip booked for June to Kauai and now you all have me freaked out!

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