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jamiegrenz
member
Ex's gf won't put LO in carseat, just booster
jamiegrenz
member
My ex-husbands girlfriend has picked my son up twice from daycare in the last three weeks for my ex-husband because he is "busy". She only has a booster seat in her car for her son who is 7. My son is 3. My son told me he rode in the booster seat in "gf's car". I sent my ex a text about the safety guidelines for boosters vs. carseats. He picked my son up from me two days later and tried to justify his gf using the booster. When I tried to interupt, he told me to "shut up and listen" and proceeded to tell me that our soon was going to be 4 in four months and that he was only 8 lbs away from being the 40lb minimum limit. He won't listen to reason.
His gf is picking my son up today from daycare (I was just informed of this) and I KNOW she only has the booster seat in her car. What can I do about this since the ex won't listen to be about the guidelines. God forbid anything happens to LO if they get in a car accident and he is in a booster that he doesn't qualify for.
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Re: Ex's gf won't put LO in carseat, just booster
Contact your day care provider and tell them that your son is not to go home in a car that does not have a car seat. In my state they can get in trouble for releasing a child if they know that child will not be protected.
Also contact your lawyer and tell him to draft a letter.
I don't mean to sound stupid but what do I have the lawyer draft a letter saying?
When ex-DH and I got divorced, we wrote our own divorce decree, I had my lawyer look it over and we never had to go to court. We got along fine. Never had any issues.
For the last year ex-DH has had this gf who is SUPER insescure when it comes to me even though I am remarried. She won't pick my son up from our house, she won't let ex-DH do joint birthday parties with everyone line we have up until this point. She barely has 20% custody of her child for some reason and I just don't think she thinks like a mom does about car seat safety etc and ex-DH is a "big bark" kind of man where he won't ever be wrong so he just starts yelling.
Also, if this is an issue of not being able to afford another seat, I would offer to buy a standard seat for them.
Does your EX use the proper seat? IF he does he should be giving it to her if she is picking the child up. All BS aside, if it came down to it I would provide the additional seat and dare her a$$ to pick him up and not use it.
I'd def. show up and make sure it was being utilized and then raise holy hell if she did not.
I'm not one to be confrontational or stir the pot if it isn't necessary. However, in this case it is your child's safety and well worth the effort. I would do as the others suggested and contact the daycare provider. I would also go to pick up your child today with a copy of the state laws relating to car seats highlighted and tell them that they are not to release your child without the appropriate car seat.
Just like we always tell SMs who complain about the BM spending money on crazy things, you can't control if XH buys his GF Coach bags or doesn't want to have joint birthday parties. I understand how that can be frustatrating to see she has a new expensive bag and your XH says he can't afford a car seat, but you'll drive youself crazy trying to figure out their priorities. You can't control at least try to make the situation safer for your son by either buying a carseat or having a lawyer contact XH to tell him he must provide safe transportation for your child.
Tell your lawyer the situation - let him do the drafting. He's a lawyer. He knows what to do, that's why you pay him.
Notify daycare as the PP's stated.
Notify your XH and tell him if it happens again, you'll be reporting her to the cops.
I would NOT offer to buy a car seat. They should do it and care enough to put your child in the proper flippin' seat.
I would so be all over this in a heartbeat.
XH showed up with DD in the front seat. I immediately told him if I found out he did it again, I'll be reporting his a$$ to the cops. DD was impossible on the way home trying to get her to stay in her car seat. Tantrums for an hour an a half the whole way home and every time I pulled over to put her back in because after sitting up front with Daddy, she thought she could do it in my car. No flipping way. She hasn't tried to get out of her car seat since. She knows I won't mess around.
You have got to be kidding me?! There's no way I'd let DS sit with just a seat belt at 4YO, especially since he is very small for his age.
OP - I agree with everyone else. I'd make sure I was there when gf came to pick LO up, documenting her not having a proper car seat. Also, at your daycare can just anyone pick the kids up?! DS's daycare has a list of people allowed to pick him up, not the other way around.
I would do as other said and first have the daycare provider check to make sure your LO is in the proper carseat. If the gf does not have the proper carseat, are you availible to pick your LO up?
This past weekend we had my SD (she is 7) and my H put her in the car without a booster seat. I questioned him and he didn't seem to think it was a big deal, then SD says that she never uses a booster and her BM lets her ride in the front seat too.
This may be someone you will need to interact with for the next 14 years...do you want to start on the slippery slope of threats and calling the police because I promise that will come back around.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Kill her with kindness until she proves she can't respond to that
Buy a carseat. Document the purchase and giving it to XH, i.e via e-mail, in a polite non-chalant way. If you don't want to spend 'that much' for a carseat to 'give away' then buy yourself a new one and give your old one to XH.
I'm of the opinion that while yes, it's his responsibility to provide for his child, if you know the child is lacking the proper necessities and do nothing to provide them, you're just as wrong. You aren't hurting EXH you're hurting DS.
I agree w PP, calling the cops, etc will quickly turn into a tit for tat between you and XH.
I probably can't explain my thinking as well as I'd like, but I would rather buy something for my DS to ensure his safety than b****ing about how unsafe it is. (Especially in situations like my state where it is NOT a law).
Instead of complaining that BD doesn't have shoes that fit, clothes that fit, etc. buy some to send. It's not illegal & I get parents want to document the neglect but I don't see where that is beneficial at all to the child to let them go without.
Child Passenger Restraint Law <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
· All children under age 8 must ride in a federally approved car seat or booster seat, unless the child is 4'9" or taller.
· Safety seats must be installed and used according to the manufacturer's instructions.
· Infants (under 20 pounds and one year of age) must be in a rear-facing safety seat.
· Law applies to all motor vehicles originally equipped with factory-installed seat belts.
· Law applies to all seating positions.
· Driver is responsible.
· Petty misdemeanor fine for violation is $50 (may be waived if violator shows proof of obtaining a safety seat within 14 days).
· Applies to both residents and non-residents of Minnesota.
Suspected non-use is a valid basis to stop a motor vehicleAnd BTW who here uses a 40 dollar car seat? Mine cost well over 100!
5 point harness carseats, thick padding, etc are expensive here but at the local Walmart, Target, etc you can buy a high backed booster for 20-30 and a regular carseat that isn't name brand, and may not be as "fancy" can be purchased for 40-50.