Hi ladies

staceymack · August 2013

Hello,

I've posted a couple of questions in the past, but here's a reintroduction.

I was pregnant with high risk mo/di twin girls. It was a long pregnancy as they were monitored for different things and I was having PTL issues.

Last Thursday at 33 weeks 4 days my girls made their appearance into the world.

Gratefully, neither girls need breathing assistance. I am trying to pump but having some trouble. Luckily, the hospital has very supportive LC's. They introduced formula and colostrum over the weekend. They are doing ok with it but baby A is having trouble keeping things down.

I was discharged yesterday. Leaving my girls was the hardest day of my life. We're only 20 minutes away from the hospital. I have so much to be thankful for, but I can't stop being upset because they're not home with me. I have so many mixed emotions. When I'm home I look at their pictures and cry. I miss them so much. Even if I just left the hospital. How did you all cope? Does it get easier? I know they're where they need to be but I'm so heartbroken.

Thank you :-)

direy25 · August 2013

Hi Stacey, congrats to you! So happy your girls don't need breathing assistance, that's wonderful!

I'm going to be honest with you, for me it's actually gotten harder for me to leave the hospital at night. We're at two months now and Griffin has gotten so much more awake & alert, it makes it even harder to be away from him. What keeps me going is to just keep telling myself this is temporary. Our family will all be together soon.

I hope your LO's progress quickly and that you can bring them home soon!

KTZ17 · August 2013

I used to look at DD's pictures and cry, too. It gets easier. I think at first the postpartum hormones play a huge role in how emotional you feel. Of course it's also that your babies are in the hospital, but after a week or two I definitely cried less. Sometimes my hubby would show me a picture of her and it would still make me start crying, though. Our DD was in the NICU for a month and it started to get easier once she was in an open crib and we could just pick her up when we wanted to and when we started getting to give her bottles/breastfeed her. Also seeing her in clothes made us feel like we were one step closer to home. Congratulations on your girls, and know that this is only temporary and they will come home with you forever.

hjweber · August 2013

To this day, leaving DD at the NICU was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. She just turned 2. I was literally powerless. Even being in the hospital without her in my room while I tried to sleep while DH snoozed away was heartbreaking. I felt a piece of me was missing and quietly broke down every night I was there. When I came home and DD didn't, I cried a lot and had a few breakdowns. I once got a whiff of her scent on a blanket I brought home and lost it. I am forever changed because of my experience with the NICU. I use hand sanitizer and get flashbacks of the NICU because of the scent. However, DD thrived tremendously and came home after 12 long (but short, compared to others babies stays) days. That was such a happy and nerve-wrecking day! Keep your focus on getting things ready for your girls to come home and taking care of yourself. Stay busy but stay rested. Read magazines, turn to these ladies on the preemie board, talk to your S/O, family, and friends. And visit your babies every chance you get and don't feel guilty when you can't be there. Have the doctor's given you ANY idea of when they might get to come home?

niftychick29 · August 2013

Congratulations on your girls!

Our little guy was born at 33 weeks, 6 days, and had to spend 3 weeks in the NICU. I was in the hospital for 7 long days after he was born, trying to get my BP under control after having severe Pre-E,and while I was so happy to be discharged, going home without our baby was so hard...harder than I thought it would be, actually. It was just such a strange feeling, going home not pregnant, but without a baby in my arms. Definitely broke down when I got home and saw all the baby items from my shower (which happened two days before being admitted to the hospital) sitting around, waiting to be put away. It got a little easier after a few days, once we got into a routine of visiting him in the NICU and whatnot. What helped me was reminding myself that the NICU was where he needed to be, to get healthy and strong, and that he was in good, capable hands with the wonderful NICU nurses. We visited him a lot, and almost always went for his 9pm feeding so we could hold him and say good-night. I kept myself busy during those few weeks getting things ready for him (since he was a bit earlier than expected, we still had some baby prep to do!), which made me feel productive, and also resting up and focusing on recovering from the Pre-E. It helped me to hang out with friends and family, too, and to talk about some of the feelings I was having.

Good luck, your little babies will be home before you know it!

Pips09 · August 2013

Congrats on your babies! It is, of course, the hardest thing you will have to do. Stay strong!

JTA2426 · August 2013

Congrats! My little guys were 34 weeks and in the NICU where I usually work for 10 days. My coworkers and friends were caring for them when I wasn't there and it was still hard! I cried every night when I got home without them. I figure it was mostly hormones, and the fact that it was completely and totally opposite of what is "normal." It was rough, but 2 months later it seems like it hardly ever happened. And I got a chance to sleep and recover myself, which in retrospect made a huge difference. So best of luck to you and I hope your girls come home soon!

staceymack · August 2013

Thank you ladies so much for your wisdom and words. They haven't given us an eta yet. I will definitely take your words and seek support here. Thank you!

DrRx · August 2013

Congratulations on your little girls! I'm glad to hear that they don't need breathing assistance, but I'm sorry for all the emotional havoc that you are going through right now.

My daughter was born at 26w2d and spent 83 days in the NICU. Like @CeeBug said, we made it a point to celebrate the smallest of victories--gaining 30 grams, needing less breathing assistance, etc. I had a calendar book thing and I would note her weight and any major development, etc (ie, only 30% O2, first time Kangaroo, etc). It helped me take it 1 day at a time and for me to ask what the next step was--not what the ultimate step was or what the next 7 steps were, just what the very next step.

It is so hard to be away from your LO and to leave them at the hospital. We also lived about 20 minutes away and at first we could only interact with Adalyn every 6 hours (at 8a, 2p, 8p, and 2a). Since I had to be up anyway to pump, we would make it a point to be at the hospital during those times, since it was each about 10 minutes that we would get to interact with her. As she got older/bigger and was finally extubated and on CPAP, I finally got to hold her and do Kangaroo time. Her hands-on time also changed to every 3 hours, and I would usually go in the morning, take a break in the afternoon, and then return in the evening and leave after her 11pm/12pm Hands On with DH. As @BostonKisses said, you do get into a routine and it seems to work. DH and I look back at our time and we just can't comprehend how we were able to manage it, but we did. Those first 2 weeks PP were probably the most emotional for me, and it didn't help that it was also her hardest time in the NICU with pneumonia and needing more vent support, etc. I remember that I literally had a "Get it together" speech with myself in the mirror because it wasn't helping me with my feelings of despair and unfairness to keep feeling that way. I resolved to focus on the little steps and to not worry about what could happen until if it actually happened.

The ladies on this board, and my BMB and PAIF board at the time, along with my IRL friends and family, really helped me get through it. I would post an update every couple of days, and it really helped me understand all that was going on and it helped me to share it with others.

(((hugs))) Going through the NICU is the hardest thing that DH or I have ever faced in our lives, and now I feel that I can pretty much handle anything that life throws at me. I hope your daughters have a short and uneventful NICU stay. Know that we are here cheering you all on!

mrs_chewie · August 2013

Stacy, I'm also a Sept 13 mom! I'm in the same boat, leaving my twins in NICU, delivered around the same time. It's been so hard, especially with everyone asking when they will be home. But it gets easier! I have awful days, then I have great days. My daughter is weaker than son, but they improve everyday. I keep reminding myself everyday is one day closer to home. Please pm me if you need someone who is there with you. I know it feels like you are alone, but the ladies on this board are inspirational.

kennazebrowsky · August 2013

Hey stacy we were on the same board. With me I was kind if an emotional wreck until she came home.

The only thing that kept me strong was her nurses being so amazing. She had an awesome group of ladies taking care of her. They also really helped me cope. When I visited with her they would update me on everything and were very encouraging with her day to day progress.

We were lucky her issues were minimal compared to some other ladies who have had their babies early.

AshleyL923 · August 2013

Stacey - were going through the exact same thing. At first I was staying overnight in her room (out hospital has private nicu rooms with a couch), but then my husband convinced me to start going home at night because I was so exhausted. I cry everytime I leave her but I know that I'm being a better mom by getting at least a little sleep. Pumping has been really tough for me too - my supply was virtually non-existent. LC said it was totally stress related so I'm trying to calm down as much as possible. At 11 days old, it's getting a little better. Don't have much advice besides to hang in there. I often think about how in a few months this will all be a distant memory and she'll be home in our arms. Seems to help

jcsntms06 · August 2013

Congratulations Stacey on the birth of your girls.

Your feelings are totally normally and I truly didn't didn't get over those feelings of failing them and crying constantly until they were home. Hang in there Mama.

Praying that they have a short and uneventful NICU stay. Definitely keep us posted.

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