annoyed at family (long rant)

topofthepeek · August 2013

I have 1 sibling, a brother whois 11months younger then me. We have always been close, and then he went off to college, met a girl, got married and moved away about a 6 or 7 hour flight away. I now see him maybe once a year. Anyhow so they don't have any kids. I am having the first grand baby on our side of the family. So I have been trying to get him to come to town in Oct or Nov when we get the family together and so he can meet his niece. Side note, our parents live here, but we have aunts and uncles and grandparents coming to town meet my LO in Nov and have an early family christmas /thankgiving. So my bro told my parents he is coming to town in a few weeks. I will be 36-37 weeks while he is here. I couldn't figure out why he is coming so early and not later to meet his niece, or be with his family. he made a comment that maybe I will go into labor early and he can meet her while he is there. Hello!!!! Then justnow it dawned on me that he is coming for his birthday! He is seriously skipping meeting his one and only niece just so he can spend his birthday down here. Like he couldn't wait 3-4 more weeks to come visit. I don't get it. Of course he has always been a big mamma's boy and so maybe in his mind, if he comes down, on his bday before LO arrives, my mom can splurge on his bday, take him out to places and what not. Sorry I just had to get this off my chest because its really bothering me that he would rather do this, then meet the child that took me 6 years to have

PongoLePond · August 2013

I'm sorry but you sound like a spoiled selfish brat. I understand you want him to meet your LO but to actually be mad at him for coming down for his birthday instead of a few weeks later cause that's what you want is really bratty. Have you offered to pay for his flight here if you want him to meet her that badly? I think you're being unreasonable.

shelliescove3 · August 2013

Unfortunately we are not the centre of all of our families worlds. Although I am sure your brother and you were close he probably doesn't think it's a big deal to meet new baby at a later time. This may be the only time he can take vacation and things.. Sometimes people have to accommodate their own lives. Sorry your feeling this way.

topofthepeek · August 2013

First off, I am not a spoiled brat. I work very hard and appreciate the few things I do have in life. Second think its perfectly understandable to be upset. If you had a close relative who didn't want to meet your child, you might feel the same way. And while I don't have tonsof money, I did send him and his wife $100 to help put towards airfare to fly them down. Mostly so they could be here when the whole family gets together in November. I don't think I am being unresonable, just upset and add in a few pregnancy hormones to go with it.

Amjoy25 · August 2013

Ugh. I hate when women blame pregnancy hormones. :-q

kirbabe · August 2013

Eh, sorry, you sound a little entitled. Maybe that's not the case, just how it's coming off. Kinda like my SIL, who threw a fit with both of her births, because we didn't drop everything going on in our lives to be there. Not like she put forth any effort to visit after Elijah was born, though.

Mae208 · August 2013

Yeah it's just that for the most part, guys don't really give a shit about babies unless its their own. I had the exact same thing happen when DS was born. My brother who I see about once a year (sometimes less) drove the 10 hour trek to come to surprise my dad for his birthday rather than wait a couple weeks and come when he could meet my LO. I didn't think twice about it really. Guys just don't really care about things like that.

LC122 · August 2013

Amjoy25 said:
Ugh. I hate when women blame pregnancy hormones. :-q

Yeah, it's worse when a woman who has never been pregnant tries to blame them for you.
My husband tries to keep this house like a sauna to save the power bill and most non-pregnant people would agree it's hot.
Don't tell me it's my hormones.
(Steps off soapbox)

HFrizzle · August 2013

I have 6 siblings and half of them have never met my kids and NO ONE, i mean no one, came when my last DD was born AND my husband was deployed. So suck it up and deal with it. It's his off loss, the baby could give a rip at this point.

zenjenjen · August 2013

Mae208 said:
Yeah it's just that for the most part, guys don't really give a shit about babies unless its their own.

This. I understand that your feelings may be hurt, but step outside of yourself and your priorities for a second.

A baby isn't really that exciting for a guy. He'll probably be much more excited about your son when he is big enough to play ball with or take him fun places.

msronzio · August 2013

I dunno, I would probably be a little hurt too, but I'm an only child so Idk. After getting the perspectives from PP above I can see that guys just don't really care and maybe that's the truth. Namecalling the OP a brat is a little dramatic... but that's just my opinion.

SWA80 · August 2013

I guess I kind of get it. My sister is talking about maybe coming down in January if she is able to combine with a vacation. It disappoints me because I did fly up after the birth of both of hers. At the same time, I get that she has two small children so it is hard for her to get away. I just hate that the boys will be 4+ months old before she meets them.

CarolinaGirl411 · August 2013

I don't understand how coming down for his birthday equals not wanting to meet the LO, but maybe I missed something.

If they're coming down then, maybe that's when they had already planned to do. Maybe your EDD isn't a good time for them to travel, you don't know their whole situation. You say you only maybe see him 1 x a year so why not let him come down and enjoy his birthday and who knows, maybe he'll come next year and actually get to hang out with y'all verses all the family in the world at a time when they'll all want to be with the LO.

AshleighW13 · August 2013

Me and my uncle grew up sibling pretty much because he was 10 when I was born. He isn't coming into town for this kid and didn't come into town to see DS either. Nor did I drive to Charleston when his kids were born. His DD1 and DS are only 3 months apart so we waited a few months until Christmas to get together. His DD2 turned a year in March and I haven't even met her yet, since we rotate out holidays and last year was DH's families turn. I don't feel hurt and neither does he. We have lives to attend to, with work and spouses and our kids.

blondolphn · August 2013

At what point did your brother say he didn't want to meet the baby?
My brother and my twin probably won't meet my lo until we do our family Christmas. I don't expect them to fly out here just to see a newborn spit up and hold them for 5 minutes. Airfare is expensive! Plus hopefully by then I will have some my sanity back.
Also, you mentioned he doesn't have any kids. Has having kids been an issue for him? Maybe he feels awkward being around newborns, maybe his wife is jealous that you are having one. It sounds like to me like you have your head up your ass.

skyla13 · August 2013

I really don't mean to jump on the bandwagon and pile on, but have you actually called your brother and talked to him? I would be super frustrated if my sister jumped to a bunch of conclusions about why he is coming, when he is coming. It seems like you've made it out to be a bad thing - but seriously, having babies changes things. Have you stopped to think maybe he wanted some time with you and the family before all the changes? Or that (as others have said) he has other things going on with his life? For all you know his wife is struggling with fertility and they decided as their own family unit visiting a newborn would be too much.

The point is, if you hadn't talked to him - you just.dont.know. And bashing and getting pouty without talking to HIM is just immature.

TashnBabii · August 2013

Have you talked to him about how you feel? Perhaps he will come down twice, once when you are 36-37 weeks and once when your baby is born. If I were you, I would talk to him about how you feel. I love my brothers, but sometimes they can be so obvious! He may not have really thought that much into it. Try to nudge his brain a bit by suggesting that he come visit a few weeks later. GL!

yesthisiskim0401 · August 2013

You guise, my brother is going to a concert 3 hours away the day before my EDD. Should I stomp my feet and demand he sells his ticket because I'm having a baby? HE'S SO SELFISH. I can't believe he wasn't thinking about me when he is splurging on something special for himself!!!

babydoll22308 · August 2013

I also will add that men, unless the father or grandfather, don't feel importance to meet the LO immediately. Newborns don't do much anyways. Our children are more important to US than anyone else. Other people won't change their lives or thoughts bc WE had a kid. You may be hurt he doesn't care as much, but that's how it goes. My 2 year old has an uncle and a grandfather who have never met her. And who have never even asked to meet her.

tencheer · August 2013

To be honest, when my sister had my nephew I was very much like your brother. I didn't see it as a big deal to immediately meet him and now that I'm going through the process I don't see it as a huge deal for people to prioritize meeting my kid either. Let your brother be unless you are paying for the ticket.

shelley1002 · August 2013

DH's brother flew into town a few weeks before DS1 was born - the first nephew for this brother. We didn't think anything of it. Flights are expensive especially in November and December and $100 towards the ticket isn't going to make it that much more affordable. He was really excited we were having a baby but he had other things going on in his life, and budget, to be able to postpone his trip or come back out after DS1 was born.

I think you are just being a whiney brat about this.

amsat · August 2013

Visiting from March 2014

A few years ago, I flew my husband up to see his family for his birthday in October. It really meant a lot for his mom to get to spend his birthday with him - he was military and hadn't spent his birthday with her in 8 or 9 years.

We got a lot of grief from some in the family who wished we would have came at Thanksgiving to spend time with the extended family. Frankly, it was worth everything to his mom to get to spend that day with her son.

Maybe it will mean as much to your mom.

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