Heart breaking

JordynLeighx3 · August 2013

A friend of line just lost her baby. He was born stillborn at 40wks. My heart is breaking for her. I'm at suck a loss on how to deal with it all, how do I send my condolence without hurting her more? Should I refrain from posting pictures of my girls?
I can not even imagine what she is going trough. Knowing that someone is living my biggest nightmare, makes me sick to my stomach.

tondraluv · August 2013

Im so sorry, I'm not sure if you remember my coworker losing his baby girl due to a detached placenta? This was early on in our pregnancies, his wife was 32 weeks pregnant. I had a hard time telling him that I was pregnant but I didn't want him to find out from someone else. If she is a close friend I personally would reach out to her & lend your support. If she declines then I would, just allow her to mourn. As far as posting the pictures go,I'm not sure what to do. I can tell you that one time I was sharing ultrasound pictures with other coworkers & put them away when I saw him. He then asked me to not tip toe around him because it was making him feel worse.

MsAmeera25 · August 2013

Forget being a mom and just be a friend. It's going to be hard for her and she may not want you around but be a system system anyway, hugs, calls, food if needed.

jss1482 · August 2013

sending prayers her way. Beyond heartbreaking.

JSS1002 · August 2013

Regarding your condolences -- I think you just stick to HER situation and not talk about your girls, ie don't say "I can't imagine if that happened to me" or anything like that. Just say "I love you and I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, if there is anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to ask, and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers."

Regarding your pics - I dunno. How many pics per day are you posting!? I would inundate somebody's newsfeed, but I think... maybe cool it for a day or two, but then just act normal. Life does have to go on. She's probably not on FB much rihgt now anyway, I'd think.

lilbit0910 · August 2013

i can't even begin to imagine the pain! My heart hurts for your friend. You should probably refrain from posting pics for a bit. and i think you should also reach out to her and offer your support.

kgs0505 · August 2013

I just want to say, don't ignore her, or think you need to leave her alone. I have a couple of friends who have had significant losses (one of a 9mo), and the one common denominator is they said that they felt like they must have contracted leprosy because everyone was avoiding them. Don't avoid because you don't know what to say, just sit with her or go shopping for her, or see if you can help with arrangements. She's going to be in a fog for awhile. But she'll need to know you are still there. As long as you don't disappear, she'll know you are a good friend.

My condolences to your friend.

JordynLeighx3 · August 2013

Thank you all for your replies. I let her know that I am here for her may she need or want anything that I can do to help.

As far as pictures, I usually post one or two a week, if that, but it will definitely be a while before we post anymore.

ehlersm · August 2013

I have unfortunately been in you friend's situation. My twin boys both passed shortly after they were born. There is not much you can do to make her feel any better; she is basically in a living nightmare right now. A lot of people brought us food and I guess that helped because I didn't have to think about making anything. I didn't want to talk to anyone for a few weeks and just wanted to be left alone. My friends and family texted me a lot which was best because I could respond at my own time. When she is ready to talk, acknowledge her as a mother ( always continue to do this, it is very important) and if she named her baby use it when you talk about him. It feels very unfair to a loss mom that everyone else can talk about their children but we feel like we can't because we don't want to make others uncomfortable. Also know that everyone grieves differently so take her cues... Feel free to let me know if you have any question.

JordynLeighx3 · August 2013

ehlersm said:
I have unfortunately been in you friend's situation. My twin boys both passed shortly after they were born. There is not much you can do to make her feel any better; she is basically in a living nightmare right now. A lot of people brought us food and I guess that helped because I didn't have to think about making anything. I didn't want to talk to anyone for a few weeks and just wanted to be left alone. My friends and family texted me a lot which was best because I could respond at my own time. When she is ready to talk, acknowledge her as a mother ( always continue to do this, it is very important) and if she named her baby use it when you talk about him. It feels very unfair to a loss mom that everyone else can talk about their children but we feel like we can't because we don't want to make others uncomfortable. Also know that everyone grieves differently so take her cues... Feel free to let me know if you have any question.

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Im so sorry to hear about the loss of your twin boys. I can't even begin to imagine. You and my friend are so so strong.

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