He gets it!
=Lee=B
member
He totally gets it. Our 5 month old has had some difficult evenings this week. She and I travelled to visit my family for 2 weeks and she had 4 airplane rides, many large family events (35plus family members), tons of extended family meeting her for the first time, off schedule etc. So naturally she is readjusting.
I have a twin bed set up in her nursery and she sleeps either in her crib or in the bed with me. She is the most easy going baby but when she gets upset she goes from zero to melt down very quick and needs me (not my husband) to calm her. She does calm very quickly when I come...even seeing me calms her.
Anyways this week I have spent much of my evenings from 6:30-11pm (when my husband goes to bed) in the room with her. She sleeps but wakes if I leave the room (how does she know I leave). I send my husband in when I need a break to eat but she gets so upset I end up going in anyways. A few times he commented we need to get tough, "we have to get tough she making us too soft".
Point being. Our friends with a 4month old are having a rough time with their baby and they were excited to get permission from their doctor to start cry it out. I was worried that if my husband heard that they got doctors permission to do that with a baby one month younger he'd be thinking we should be doing the same.
Tonight after a long evening of being in and out of her room I snuggled with my husband a bit before he went to bed (and I retreated to the nursery). I commented to him that "she isn't trying to be a pain" and he gave me the weirdest look and was like "of course not, what you think our 5 month old wakes up and says ok what can I do to piss them off today" then he went on and on making up funny baby scenarios "mommy, come here, closer, closer poop hahahahah got ya"
I realized he totally understands her. He totally accepts that she needs a ton of care and attention. I told him how our friends were starting cry it out. He was like what's that. I explained its when you pop the baby in the crib and leave them to scream themselves asleep. He seemed uncomfortable with such a thing for our little girl. I told him I was nowhere near ready for that. That she needs help to calm, she can't find and put her own soother in, can't have blankets in bed with her etc...she has no way to calm down but us.
He totally understands. Life ain't glamorous right now. I spend most nights completely in the baby room. He works so just seems easier for us not to wake him with many night feeds. In calm periods I start the night off with him then come and stay in nursery after the first feed...but frankly it's just easier to start off here! So, since baby came along we sleep in separate rooms. Who'd have thought. SO not something I envisioned us doing.
But, we have such an amazing little girl who is so happy and calm 95% of the time. When she does get upset she just melts into me and instantly calms. She goes to sleep within seconds of me snuggling with her at nap time or in the baby carrier. She lights up at the sight of us.
I know we must be doing something right!! It was just so reassuring to hear that my husband knows we are doing it right and isn't feeling resentful to the baby for how much life has changed the last few months!! And it is so comforting to know I won't be getting pressure from him to leave our little girl to cry it out!
Re: He gets it!
I know part of it is just the baby's nature but I do fully believe how we respond is making a HUGE impact in how she behaves already. I think I just worried that my husband would start to see how other people are doing things with their babies. We had my brother and SIL stay with us for 2 weeks with their 8 month old. It was exhausting. They are great parents and my nephew is adorable but he cried, non-stop, the whole time. I was drained. He cried himself to sleep every single time. He woke up crying, every single time. He cried and cried and cried. They would wait till he cried then say we'll give him another half hour till he's really tired. The kid would be exhausted and melting down and eventually they'd drop him in the crib and he'd cry and cry till he passed out...he'd sleep 30min, then he'd wake up crying. I swear he is beyond sleep deprived. He's always been that way, with the crying...and I had been told he outgrew it and was sooooo much better now (we live 19hrs away). I soon realized they had just completely tuned the poor boy out and he was no better than the last time I saw him!!
Anyways...I don't doubt they feel I spoil our daughter. I respond before she has a chance to cry because I know if she starts I am too late and she will melt down. She does not cry herself to sleep. She goes down for naps before she melts down. I wear her and bedshare and nurse on demand etc. etc. It may be spoiling in other peoples eyes...but it isn't and we have a really happy calm baby as a result.
Anyways my husband has been great from the start I think I just started to get worried as our friends are starting down the path my brother is on. And it seems to be becoming the "norm". As well, I think having travelled for 2 weeks and staying/visiting family that didn't say anything but I'm sure think I am nuts for doing things the way I do...I just really needed to hear that my husband is so on board!
I do plan to try and help my daughter seek comfort from my husband too though! She is very happy with other people holding her. It's just those moments when she's upset. I feed on demand but it isn't usually nursing she is seeking...she wants me to hold her and kiss her forehead. I need to start slowly getting her used to my husband calming her though, Partly because it'll be good for her to have both of us...and because I can see my husband is a bit sad when he has to pass her off to me. He tries so hard, but eventually has to pass her off. She has so melted his heart lol. Pretty sure in another year I will be having to remind him HE needs to toughen up, that she is making him too soft lol.
Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear
Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
Beta 5/3 = BFP, 87 Beta #2 5/7 560.9 Beta #3 5/9 1376.5 First u/s One Baby, 125bpm!
Second u/s, 176bmp! Kicked over to the OB by the RE at 8w. Team Green!!