Community› The Bump Message Boards› Single Parents
Single Parents
New Discussion

Don't know what to do

NikkiNoo1804NikkiNoo1804
in Single Parents
Me and my partner have been together on and off for a year and a half. I got pregnant, accidentally, but we were still so happy about it. He uses drugs recreationally, he promised he would stop but he hasn't. He accuses me of cheating on him every weekend because I avoid him when he drinks and takes drugs as I don't enjoy to be around him. He always ends our relationship then when he is in a good mood again he will just act as if nothing's happened. People around us stir and he takes sides with them instead of me. My family hate him because he has been abusive in the past. I'm 32 weeks pregnant now and I don't know what to do. I can't keep going through a relationship where I'm being accused of lying and dumped all the time but I feel like I should try for the sake of my baby. He has ended it with me again today but I don't know if he is serious about it or not. Please help and don't judge me.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Don't know what to do

  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    You deserve better. Dont feel guilty about leaving. Not only do you deserve better your child deserves better.

    How do you think your partners actions will affect your child. Drugs, alcohol, abuse in any way shape or fom always repeats itself. Think of your child before your man child.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    No one is here to judge. It sounds like you need to kick him to the curb. That unnecessary stress along with the stress of a new baby might drive you to some sort of breaking point. Is your family a good source of support? You need to find people to be positive influences on your baby and possibly consider not letting your BD around your baby until he cleans up his act.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • NikkiNoo1804NikkiNoo1804
    My family are ok, not the most supportive though. It's hard because I love him, even though he can be a complete a**. He also threatens to ruin my life, make rumours up about me (we live in a really close-knit village where everyone knows each other) and to pretty much alienate me from everyone I know. I could never stop him seeing his child, it's something I don't agree with although I do want him to sort himself out.
    Report Reply
  • babymama619babymama619 member
    edited August 2013
    Since you say you don't know what to do, I'll tell you: run, don't walk, run from this relationship. You're dating a child. He's either with you 100% or he's not. Clearly he's not. Accusations are usually based off of guilt. I'd bet he's the one cheating.

    My last serious relationship was with a guy that constantly disappeared to "figure things out". I would cry all the time and thought we were happy when things were good. I'm SO much happier without the drama. You're friends and family are a good indicator of who you should be with. They don't hate him for no reason, they hate him because he's toxic to you.

    I'm not saying it will be easy or that you should keep LO from him. But you really need to think about the life you want for you and your baby and what kind of example you are going to set.

    Report Reply
  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    The previous ladies said it perfectly. And he can make threats all he wants. The people who know and love you willknow he is full of shit.
    image
    Report Reply
  • NikkiNoo1804NikkiNoo1804
    Well today I decided to reconnect with friends, seeing as I barely have any since we got into a relationship. (He has still left it as broken up) he found out and accused me of hiding things from him and being an attention seeker, said that I have no friends (we have the same group of friends) that nobody really likes me. He called me later to see if I wanted to talk things through-bear in mind all day I've been accused of messaging other men (pretty impressive for someone that's 8 months pregnant and 'ugly fat and slobby' to have moved on so quickly). I told him I was about to get into the bath, which to him means I need to wash to get rid of any, ahem, baby gravy? Sorry tmi! He's now saying I can't cope on my own and that he is my everything and he knows it and that he doesn't love me anymore. Why is it so hard to get rid of him when I know he treats me bad?!?!?
    Report Reply
  • EarthandFireEarthandFire member
    Wow. That one sounds seriously insecure. I may be old fashioned but I run from anyone who does drugs period. I'd have to say its hard for you to get rid of him because you probably make him feel secure. You're probably his safety net. So long as you're around he can do whatever he wants and never worry about being alone. You've always taken him back. He degrades you so you won't think you can do better. So you won't figure out you're the one dating below your class not him. It's a manipulation tactic just like accusing you of cheating. If he already accused you of cheating you're going to be extra careful not to do anything that could be misconstrued and therefore won't meet anyone new who might jeopardize his place in your life by showing you how you should be treated and he can do whatever he wants. I used to date a manipulator. He may just be insecure but this is what I'm picking up from what you've said. What he's doing could be considered abusive. If he's still calling it doesn't appear to have sunk in yet that he's lost possibly the best thing in his life. If I were you I'd stop answering his calls and only reply to texts about LO. As long as you reply he's getting the attention from you he craves.
    Report Reply
  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    EarthandFire said:

    Wow. That one sounds seriously insecure. I may be old fashioned but I run from anyone who does drugs period. I'd have to say its hard for you to get rid of him because you probably make him feel secure. You're probably his safety net. So long as you're around he can do whatever he wants and never worry about being alone. You've always taken him back. He degrades you so you won't think you can do better. So you won't figure out you're the one dating below your class not him. It's a manipulation tactic just like accusing you of cheating. If he already accused you of cheating you're going to be extra careful not to do anything that could be misconstrued and therefore won't meet anyone new who might jeopardize his place in your life by showing you how you should be treated and he can do whatever he wants. I used to date a manipulator. He may just be insecure but this is what I'm picking up from what you've said. What he's doing could be considered abusive. If he's still calling it doesn't appear to have sunk in yet that he's lost possibly the best thing in his life. If I were you I'd stop answering his calls and only reply to texts about LO. As long as you reply he's getting the attention from you he craves.

    This exactly. I my xh was very verbally abusive controlling and manipulative. He wanted to have total access to my life to the point hed break his phone and demand i let him use mine so he could control who i talked to.

    Dont let him cut you off from your friends. And dont be afraid to make new ones either :)
    image
    Report Reply
  • pregokatpregokat member
    You definately deserve more. 

    If something isn't positive in your life, get rid of it.. If it is positive, keep it

    Thats one of my things I use to judge situations that come about


    Since I've been pregnant, I've dropped the majority of negative influences or anything that was harmful or brought grief and my son is 8 months old now, My life hasn't been so good in a long  long time! I'm happy :) 

    Good luck to you 
    Report Reply
  • babymama619babymama619 member
    Wow! Could you imagine letting anyone else in you life talk to you like that? If your friend called you a liar or a fat slob wouldn't you dump them? Leave this guy ASAP.

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"