IVF Donations?

CaitS07 · August 2013

I had a good friend today ask me what I thought of this:

"I got a fb message yesterday from an acquaintance back home who is married to a friend of mine. They have had trouble with infertility and are now starting a facebook page and reaching out to folks to help fund their IVF. And then I got a direct message about buying a t-shirt that will go to fund their situation. While I sympathize, am I a terrible person for not wanting to donate?"

It's awful that couple has issues with fertility and I don't wish that on anyone, but I couldn't help tell her I thought it might be inappropriate for the couple to do this. Did I give the wrong advice?

Daysie · August 2013

It's not something I haven't heard of. Some people want to help, others don't. I don't think the advice you gave was wrong. If she doesn't want to/feel compelled to then she shouldn't. She shouldn't feel like she HAS to, no one should ever feel that way.

I'm someone who had funding from family and friends for my IVF, but I did that after a few people had come to me telling me they wanted to financial help and wanted to know how. However, I never made a facebook page specifically for the donations and sent messages. I just made one blog post about how they could help if they wanted to and left it at that. never messaged people individually, and never set up a FB page, and never PW'ed it around my blog.

Some people think it's tacky and that people shouldn't ask for that kind of help, while others see no problem in it. IMO, that's fine, everyone has the right to their opinion and thoughts and no one ever has to do what they don't want to, (well, except pay taxes....lol)

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · August 2013

I saw a post similar to this the other day. I wonder if it's the same one. I don't remember there being a t-shirt but I just sort of skimmed it. I think it's a little odd to basically have strangers donate to your fertility treatment (it becomes the "they tell 2 friends and then they tell 2 friends and so on" type thing). I could maybe see asking your parents or family members and even that seems odd to me, but at the same time, I don't know. I've never been in their situation so I don't know what I'd do. I do find it odd that these people are doing that. Interested to see what others have to say about it.

CarrieB. · August 2013

I would have never asked anyone for money for IVF. I didn't even ask my parents. We just paid for it ourselves.

If you want to so something nice for a couple dealing with IF buy them dinner and offer to be a supportive listening friend or donate money to Resolve.

fiddlefern · August 2013

Having never been through that situation I'm not one to judge, but IMHO I think a Facebook group is ok, but I hate when people send me PMs asking for money. It kind of puts me off. I think by having the FB Group you put it out there and whoever wants to help will. I think sending a PM also puts more pressure on the person to donate even if they wouldn't otherwise.

Although it is a completely different situation, I had a FB friend who would send PM's a few times a year asking for donations to charities they were participating in and then started to send them for 31 orders. Once she started doing it for 31 orders I de-friended her.

CaitS07 · August 2013

I feel like if it was a close friend or family member, I'd have no problem donating..but to send an invite out to the whole friends list? Idk about that.

sarenu1 · August 2013

Not my kind of thing.

But then I hate being pushed to donate to anything.

On the other hand, if I had the means and found out a close family member or friend was struggling with this, I might ask if I can help.

But, personally I could never ask for assistance on FB and then start private messaging people.

DebateThis · August 2013

Well first I have to say there's a huge difference between a couple fundraising (selling shirts, garage sales, bake sale, etc) for IVF and a straight up request for a donation.

The first scenario (and selling t-shirts) I have no problem with. The second scenario is totally not my style.

babymama619 · August 2013

I think it depends. If a friend of mine asked I'd probably donate, a stranger, no way. But that's just me. Some people have moral oppositions to IVF and some just donate money for everything.

I've walked in the Avon breast cancer walk 3 times, and asked for donations for that everytime. People either donated or didn't and that was fine. I figure it can't hurt to ask. What's the worst they'll say, no? If I had to pay for breast cancer treatment out of pocket perhaps is reach out to those same people for financial support.

I personally don't think it's inappropriate, but I don't know if I would do it, but I've never been in that situation.

michrocc · August 2013

I would be happy to support a close friend or family member in their fundraising efforts (walks, bake sales, yard sales, t-shirts) for adoption or IVF. In fact, I'd be honored to. Creating a FB solicitation isn't necessarily my style, but for a close friend or family member I'd participate there, too.

Now, getting one from someone I barely know is a little...odd. But that's true of any solicitation I get from random people, family-building or otherwise.

Frequent Scentsy invitations, anyone?

SweetLaura286 · August 2013

I've seen a page on Facebook of a couple trying to raise money for IVF. I did not side eye it in the slightest. The thing that would bother me is being PMed about it.. That is way too on the spot for me. But if people want to share the post or invite me to an event I wouldn't mind. Right now with school being out for the summer all $$ has to go towards bills & baby.. But there have even been some things I would love to donate towards and can't

AJCagle82 · August 2013

I have a friend who had a huge garage sale to help fund adopting her foster child. She didn't ask for money, only donations of stuff people no longer wanted around the house. I think they would even come pick it up for you or you could drop it off. She also had raffles at the garage sale. I thought it was a good idea and handled really well. I don't know how I would have felt if she had sent me a PM asking for money. I HATE being put on the spot like that. You don't know what financial issues others have, and now they might feel forced to give when they can't or feel like a jerk because they can't give even if they wanted to.

MannaPants · August 2013

SweetLaura286 said:

I've seen a page on Facebook of a couple trying to raise money for IVF. I did not side eye it in the slightest. The thing that would bother me is being PMed about it.. That is way too on the spot for me. But if people want to share the post or invite me to an event I wouldn't mind. Right now with school being out for the summer all $$ has to go towards bills & baby.. But there have even been some things I would love to donate towards and can't

This. I think it's fine to ask for donations in an event or just a shared post. But a private message? That's sort of rude.

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