Loss Check In

Mrs Nice · August 2013

Welcome to our checkin!

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Do you have any friends/family that have stopped talking to you since your loss? How have you dealt with this silence?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

amandager99 · August 2013

I'm just trying to continue to move forward as best as I can. Trying to get healthy again, I've joined MFP again in hopes of losing some weight.

Don't currently have a "next" goal. Just continue to work on relationship with dh and moving forward in this new life of ours.

I haven't had any stop talking to me luckily, but I have pulled away greatly. When I met my husband last year, my best friend completely pulled away. So while she was gone already, I really miss her at times and wish she could get over things and have been there for me.

DH and I were having a hard time for awhile, but we are in a better place now. I feel like I'm able to think about Daniel again. While we were struggling, I was so focused on dh, afraid of losing what was right in front of me.

bunnybun4 · August 2013

Hope everyone is having a good week. Thinking about you all.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I felt like this week was a good move forward week...I feel like my healing is in a really good place for now.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? DH and I decided to stay on the bench for one more month (one month longer than my dr. benched us) so I have one month to really focus hard on losing weight and working out (due to the craziness of my first loss my dr. doesn't want me doing anything strenuous exercisewise- so when we TTC she wants me to only walk and not lift anything over 5lbs...i guess this is just for my own stress level) I would love to start out my next pregnancy weighing less than I did before I got pregnant with bunny. I am not weighing now (my therapist's rule) and I won't know how much weight I have lost until I go to the dr. again.
Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? running several times a week and lifting weights
QOTW: Do you have any friends/family that have stopped talking to you since your loss? How have you dealt with this silence? my friends have been wonderful for the most part...no one has really stopped talking to me...a lot of people don't mention Bunny because they don't know what to say and that is sad to me and frustrating. Just the other day I got a thank you note from a friend for a baby gift and normally people will say they are still thinking about us and are praying for us...this friend said, "we are praying for ya'll to have a baby"....it really rubbed me the wrong way...like Bunny means nothing and is forgotten. I know people don't mean anything by it and are just trying to be nice but it hurts. I just try to understand that they don't get it and that I prob. wouldn't have either if the tables were turned.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? i'm a little disappointed that we aren't TTCing this month but in my heart I know it is the right thing to do...I found out I was pregnant almost a year ago to the day and it makes me feel like I am "behind" for not being pregnant now...but I think also letting a little time pass between the pregnancies is a good thing, plus I can be confident that my body is ready and that I am doing all I can to have a healthy rainbow.

BrittianyM · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Just trying to focus on Brooke's life, not her death. How much she taught me in her 11 weeks about love.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself?

Surving one day at a time.

Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Yes, trying to focus on thr present day.

QOTW: Do you have any friends/family that have stopped talking to you since your loss? How have you dealt with this silence?

No, I have been the one that has pulled away. New friends have come into my life.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Brooke is turning 6 months old tomorrow the 17th! We are going to be tieing balloons outside so she can see them blowing in the wind. She really liked balloons.

shandorfml2 · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Went to group, and opened her room for a while. I moved her memory box from our living area to her bedroom. That was a big step.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Nothing big I guess. Continue to get healthy. We're doing a prayer flag for her for Aug 19th day of hope with Carly Marie
QOTW: Do you have any friends/family that have stopped talking to you since your loss? How have you dealt with this silence?
Yes. A lot of people don't know how to handle it, or me. Some friends don't necessarily avoid me, but don't talk to me either. Some co workers never acknowledged my loss. I get mad, actually. It makes me angry when they do this.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Doing pretty well, remembering my daughter and not getting to upset.

JessicaG220 · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I have really been trying to focus on the things that I am grateful for in my life. I am lucky for so many reasons and I have been trying not to let my grief consume me. I keep trying to remember that I was lucky to have carried Ava for 7 months. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Our next goal is to get pregnant again. I feel that another baby will help fill this giant hole that was left after we lost Ava. QOTW: Do you have any friends/family that have stopped talking to you since your loss? How have you dealt with this silence? I don't think it has anything to do with what happened, but my best friend from HS has become super distant. She was this way before we lost Ava, but it hurts even more that she's continued after we experienced something so awful. You'd think she'd be more supportive, but I just think she doesn't think about anyone but herself. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'd really like to conceive this month. Our families really need the first grandbaby that we all long for.

Dixon813 · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I finally finished painting our spare bedroom (AKA Would've have been/will someday be nursery) and then moved their memory boxes, bear, and blanket up there. Currently, only the piano and their things are in the room and I want to keep it that way. It sort of allows me to let them "live" in the space for now...

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I go back to work tomorrow and I'm really anxious. I'm most anxious that no one will say ANYTHING. It also sucks that DH is traveling (for work) for the first time since mid-April - bad timing... I'm thinking about going to a support group this week (even though DH will be gone...)... still not sure...

QOTW: Do you have any friends/family that have stopped talking to you since your loss? How have you dealt with this silence?
Ummmm...I've had some friends and family that I've become less close with, but no one that has completely stopped talking. Like many have said, most people just don't even bring it up anymore...which pisses me off...

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
Just want to get through this first week of school and have DH home...

christie212 · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
We just buried Hope this weekend. Her casket/vault was so tiny. We had a small funeral for Hope in DH's hometown. I broke down and sobbed and told Hope I was so sorry. It provides some closure that the burial is done. Now we just need to get her marker/monument, which will be October timeframe.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? As mentioned getting Hope's marker/monument squared away will be nice. The funeral home is supposed to get us a drawing and wording this week. They haven't been the most "on the ball" type so far, so not expecting much. But, again, trying to get that done by October because once winter starts, they can't place the headstone until all the ice/snow is gone. Emotionally, it would be nice to stop feeling so guilty for losing her. Not sure if I can stop myself from feeling that way though.

QOTW: Do you have any friends/family that have stopped talking to you since your loss? How have you dealt with this silence?
DH's best friends wife, we are not close, but I do enjoy her company. She has a 1 year old, and maybe its me and my jealousy, but I feel like I don't want to hang out with her anymore. I feel like she doesnt acknowledge the loss of Hope, she diminishes it but not recognizing it. I would rather have DH hang out with his best friend alone now.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I can't believe how hard it still is (I know its only been over 3 weeks). I still cry so much. Time seems to be going by so slow when it seems like its been forever since we lost Hope. The pain is still so raw and fresh, I want to be numb to it, I hate feeling this way.

angelsnight · August 2013

ticker warning

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I put together Kayla's memory box. It was sad to go through all of her stuff and read all the cards people sent, but I am glad I got it done and have this momento for her. I had a good cry.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I want to finish cleaning the nursery. I need to decide what of hers to keep in there, and what will be the new baby's. I've been struggling with what to do about the clothes that were specifically bought for her, but if this baby is a girl, I think I'll give them to her. I think it will be nice if the new baby is a girl and can wear some of her sister's clothes.

QOTW: Do you have any friends/family that have stopped talking to you since your loss? How have you dealt with this silence? Not stopped talking to me, but much of my family is very nervous to bring it up, or comment when we bring it up. It's hurtful, but I try to tell myself they just don't know what to say and are trying not to do or say anything that will hurt us further.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Conflicting feelings with this new pregnancy. Trying to walk the line of remembering Kayla and loving her, and giving this baby it's own attention and excitement. It's hard.

princezjk · August 2013

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Sorry I am so late to check-in. My weekend was rough, it marked 3 months since losing my Izzie girl. Saturday was months since we were told she was gone, Sunday was 3 months since I delivered her and Today is 3 months since I last held her, kissed her and saw her pretty face. Definitely no steps forward, just trying not to slide too far back.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My goals are just to work on my grief. Work on reaching a place of acceptance. Just trying to take life one step at a time.

QOTW: Do you have any friends/family that have stopped talking to you since your loss? How have you dealt with this silence? Not really, I feel like I have distanced myself from a lot of people. So, if they have stopped talking to us, I haven't really noticed.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Always my Izzie

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