Vent: I just don't think hubby gets it

slmille4 · August 2013

Our weekends have been so busy I'm exhausted and my husband keeps doing the "I feel like we should get out and enjoy ourselves" and each time I tell him I'm really exhausted. Even tomorrow he was like do u want to go grocery shopping and I told him that its hard for me to do stuff after work because I'm tired at the end of the day. I feel like he thinks I'm making it up sometimes and just have become lazy. He also criticized me tonight for my second bowl of spaghetti.

Ladams30 · August 2013

Tell him next time he is welcome to carry the baby.

I get it though - I can't seem to get my DH to understand how badly my boobs hurt all the time.

HappyDoc · August 2013

I think my husband also has a hard time understanding how I can be exhausted all the time. He knows better than to say anything, but every now and then I remind him that I am growing a tiny human, and this seems to do the trick! Maybe have him read about pregnancy symptoms and how hard your body has to work? This might give him a little more understanding and empathy!

peanutmuse · August 2013

My husband did this kind of thing occasionally. After several times of telling him to lay off, he's finally gotten the picture. His change of heart also seemed to coincide with me leaving a baby book right next to the toilet in the bathroom. I know he's been reading it because he'll quote it occasionally.

Misskara19 · August 2013

Yeah I just had my husband read the chapters about growing life and he eased up on me as well, I hope yours can to with a little kick in the behind!

BrittNR · August 2013

My DH and I have an understanding.... He doesn't comment on my naps/ going to bed early, and I don't comment on the cold beer he drinks in the evenings. It works for us.

gina0485 · August 2013

peanutmuse said:
My husband did this kind of thing occasionally. After several times of telling him to lay off, he's finally gotten the picture. His change of heart also seemed to coincide with me leaving a baby book right next to the toilet in the bathroom. I know he's been reading it because he'll quote it occasionally.

I think peanutmuse's point is a good one. My DH started reading What to Expect alongside me and was well prepared for the fatigue, etc. For the majority of this pregnancy he has been exceptionally supportive, and will reference the book(s). Sometimes the words of an expert puts things into perspective for them!

kschref · August 2013

I bought my husband "Dude, you're going to be a Dad" or something like that when I first found out I was pregnant. It's funny, written from a guy's perspective, and my husband actually likes it. He read the second trimester bit and when I got back from Thailand he was all, "Do you want me to schedule a prenatal massage? Lets talk to the OB about safe at home massage in case you need a little bit, etc." I was in a bit of shock, but so happy he took it seriously. He's been tons better.

Amymarie13 · August 2013

I am in the same boat. Sometimes mine actually says, " why are you so tired" HAHAHAHA. I get the feeling he thinks I'm using preg as an excuse to be lazy which is so frustrating b/c i am a type a personality and far from lazy

COgirl29 · August 2013

peanutmuse said:
My husband did this kind of thing occasionally. After several times of telling him to lay off, he's finally gotten the picture. His change of heart also seemed to coincide with me leaving a baby book right next to the toilet in the bathroom. I know he's been reading it because he'll quote it occasionally.

This! I'm in the same boat as you at times, OP. There are certain times I feel like he totally gets it, and others where I feel like he thinks I'm being super lazy (he has never said that, just the vibe.)

I think @peanutmuse has the right idea. If he reads more about what you are actually going through, it might help. I subscribe to weekly updates that tell me what's going on with baby and my body that week, and I always forward those to him. I also think it's a great idea if you can somehow make him think reading the book or learning more was his idea, even if you planted it. I feel like men are always more open when that's the case!

pennstated912 · August 2013

kschref said:
I bought my husband "Dude, you're going to be a Dad" or something like that when I first found out I was pregnant. It's funny, written from a guy's perspective, and my husband actually likes it. He read the second trimester bit and when I got back from Thailand he was all, "Do you want me to schedule a prenatal massage? Lets talk to the OB about safe at home massage in case you need a little bit, etc." I was in a bit of shock, but so happy he took it seriously. He's been tons better.

I bought my husband this book for Father's Day. He read it cover to cover in four days. Haha! I complain almost every day about one thing or another because most days recently - it's just bad. It sucks.

Since reading it, he hasn't commented on my complaints, but still doesn't understand how I can't do the things that I used to as easily (ie laundry, overall house cleaning, stay out til 1am, etc).
One thing at a time I guess

MrsGraham06 · August 2013

I'm on Baby #4, and my DH finally gets it. As in, he just rolls his eyes about the condition of the house when he's gone rather than complain about "Wow, you couldn't do just 1 load of dishes? Or laundry?"

The 3rd trimester is usually really rough on me, and I've had a rough 1st and start to the 2nd, so we'll see how the rest of it goes.

RingOfFire11 · August 2013

peanutmuse said:

My husband did this kind of thing occasionally. After several times of telling him to lay off, he's finally gotten the picture. His change of heart also seemed to coincide with me leaving a baby book right next to the toilet in the bathroom. I know he's been reading it because he'll quote it occasionally.

This. With my last pregnancy, I bought MH Dad's Pregnant Too (I also put next to the toilet, lol) which was geared towards guys and actually quite funny. It put things into perspective for him and his tune totally changed. He "understood" what I was going through better and seemed to appreciate the process more.

LuGal623 · August 2013

DH finally has gotten the fact that even though it is the weekend, I don't have all the energy in the world to do what we normally would. So yesterday when I said how taking the dog for a 2 mile walk made me feel like I needed to nap along with our pup, he actually said, "Go ahead and lay down on the couch, I'll take care of the laundry"!! God I love that man. Though it was one A-ha moment for him, I know he'll still say something to the contrary.

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