When I have kids I will never.....

rowanthefrog · August 2013

This article made me laugh and laugh....a good read for you FTMs, a funny read for moms of 2+

https://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/7/22/when-i-have-kids-i-will-never-______.html

So....is there anything you will NEVER do??

A

jknigh8 · August 2013

I always said I would never let my kids sleep with me, and would make them eat what I made for the whole family...lol ya.. DD slept with us for a year and after dealing with getting her out of our bed when DD#2 came along, DD#2 was put in her bed immediately after feedings and learned right away to go back to sleep in her own bed! And DD#1 I still make cereal or something if she doesnt eat her dinner bc if I send her to bed hungry she wakes up 4 times a night crying for milk! I'd rather just feed her something she will eat and be able to sleep myself! I think at some point you realize you just do what you need to do and what works for you, and know that anything you dont love is just a phase and will pass. No one is going to kindergarten with a bottle in their back pack, or sleeping with mom and dad at 16.

Emily6778 · August 2013

jknigh8 said:
I always said I would never let my kids sleep with me, and would make them eat what I made for the whole family...lol ya.. DD slept with us for a year and after dealing with getting her out of our bed when DD#2 came along, DD#2 was put in her bed immediately after feedings and learned right away to go back to sleep in her own bed! And DD#1 I still make cereal or something if she doesnt eat her dinner bc if I send her to bed hungry she wakes up 4 times a night crying for milk! I'd rather just feed her something she will eat and be able to sleep myself! I think at some point you realize you just do what you need to do and what works for you, and know that anything you dont love is just a phase and will pass. No one is going to kindergarten with a bottle in their back pack, or sleeping with mom and dad at 16.

My youngest sister slept in my moms bed well into her teen years, so it definitely can happen. She has a 3 year old now who has never spent a night in her own bed.

MissMandyD · August 2013

I will never compare my kids to each other and make them feel like they are measured against the other.

Other than that...no idea!

jknigh8 · August 2013

Emily6778 said:

I always said I would never let my kids sleep with me, and would make them eat what I made for the whole family...lol ya.. DD slept with us for a year and after dealing with getting her out of our bed when DD#2 came along, DD#2 was put in her bed immediately after feedings and learned right away to go back to sleep in her own bed! And DD#1 I still make cereal or something if she doesnt eat her dinner bc if I send her to bed hungry she wakes up 4 times a night crying for milk! I'd rather just feed her something she will eat and be able to sleep myself! I think at some point you realize you just do what you need to do and what works for you, and know that anything you dont love is just a phase and will pass. No one is going to kindergarten with a bottle in their back pack, or sleeping with mom and dad at 16.
My youngest sister slept in my moms bed well into her teen years, so it definitely can happen. She has a 3 year old now who has never spent a night in her own bed.

That's hilarious! I have never heard of a teenager doing that! I would have been mortified if I had to sleep in my parents bed for any reason!

Ladams30 · August 2013

I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

BuckeyeANG · August 2013

Oh my God that blog post had me crying laughing...thank you for that. I was SUCH a judgmental asshole before I had kids. Now that I've done pretty much everything on my "never ever" list, in most scenarios (other than abuse), I usually think "yeah, I can see how she got to that point".

SweetPeaKate · August 2013

Ladams30 said:

I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

Umm yeah, good luck with that. You will either have to never take your kid anywhere, have a perfectly peaceful and totally easygoing kid, or leave whenever your kid gets upset. Hope you have a good plan for stopping it. I don't prefer to hear toddlers scream in stores, but having a toddler myself and needing to go places with him in tow, means he is very likely to have a meltdown at any given point because he is either a) strapped in a cart and wants to run around or b) is hungry, tired, or c) just being a toddler.

rowanthefrog · August 2013

Ladams30 said:

I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

Toddlers just scream sometimes. Are you really going to drop everything and leave the grocery store/target wherever every time your toddler gets upset about...whatever it is that happens to bother them at that minute? Once my toddler screamed because he saw an airplane and then he couldn't see it anymore. It happens. It's not like I don't try to calm my kids down, but sometimes life must go on, screaming toddler and all.

A

BuckeyeANG · August 2013

Ladams30 said:

I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

I bet you will break this one when you have a full cart of groceries, you're about to checkout, and your toddler is screaming OUT and has run out of Cheerios (not that that's ever happened to me...ahem)

cyndilouwho77 · August 2013

Ladams30 said:

I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

AMEN!!!! I never ever let my kids throw a fit in public, I remove them from the scene immediately!! It doesnt matter if I am out to dinner, shopping, banking, or anything else. My kids throw a fit and it doesnt stop within one reprimand its out the door with us. Most of the time the kid is so shocked you took them outside it doesnt take long to calm them down and I am able to go back in and finish my business. We went out to dinner late last night and a family had their obviously overly tired toddler with them, that poor baby wouldnt shut up and finally a waiter went over and asked them to take the baby outside. The family was so pissed off they ignored the waiter...so the waiter moved everyone from one side of the rest. to the other to try and help with problem child who had started throwing utensils on the floor and at other cust. I would have been mortified if that had been my child, hence why I do not allow those things to ever happen.

BuckeyeANG · August 2013

Ladams30 said:

I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

AMEN!!!! I never ever let my kids throw a fit in public, I remove them from the scene immediately!! It doesnt matter if I am out to dinner, shopping, banking, or anything else. My kids throw a fit and it doesnt stop within one reprimand its out the door with us. Most of the time the kid is so shocked you took them outside it doesnt take long to calm them down and I am able to go back in and finish my business. We went out to dinner late last night and a family had their obviously overly tired toddler with them, that poor baby wouldnt shut up and finally a waiter went over and asked them to take the baby outside. The family was so pissed off they ignored the waiter...so the waiter moved everyone from one side of the rest. to the other to try and help with problem child who had started throwing utensils on the floor and at other cust. I would have been mortified if that had been my child, hence why I do not allow those things to ever happen.

That scenario is different, IMO. I don't let my child throw utensils or pitch a fit in a restaurant either. But sometimes we are at Kroger (and I'm by myself), with a cartload of groceries and he's mad about something or other. You would seriously abandon your groceries at that point and take the kid outside? People can deal with it if he's crying for a few more mins. I obviously try to calm him and expedite my shopping but I'm still going to finish what I'm doing.

Lena122 · August 2013

Ladams30 said:
I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

Hahahaahahaha!

cyndilouwho77 · August 2013

BuckeyeANG said:

Ladams30 said:

I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

AMEN!!!! I never ever let my kids throw a fit in public, I remove them from the scene immediately!! It doesnt matter if I am out to dinner, shopping, banking, or anything else. My kids throw a fit and it doesnt stop within one reprimand its out the door with us. Most of the time the kid is so shocked you took them outside it doesnt take long to calm them down and I am able to go back in and finish my business. We went out to dinner late last night and a family had their obviously overly tired toddler with them, that poor baby wouldnt shut up and finally a waiter went over and asked them to take the baby outside. The family was so pissed off they ignored the waiter...so the waiter moved everyone from one side of the rest. to the other to try and help with problem child who had started throwing utensils on the floor and at other cust. I would have been mortified if that had been my child, hence why I do not allow those things to ever happen.
That scenario is different, IMO. I don't let my child throw utensils or pitch a fit in a restaurant either. But sometimes we are at Kroger (and I'm by myself), with a cartload of groceries and he's mad about something or other. You would seriously abandon your groceries at that point and take the kid outside? People can deal with it if he's crying for a few more mins. I obviously try to calm him and expedite my shopping but I'm still going to finish what I'm doing.

I always take my kids outside if they through a fit...ALWAYS! I just tell the clerk that I will be right back and usually they are so thankful for the fact that they will get their quiet store back they have no problem holding onto a cart for a few minutes. Sometimes I dont get to completely finishes my shopping but handling my child is more important than that one thing I may have forgotten!

Part of this is because I work in fast food and our place doesnt have a play place or any place for children to go run and play (not that this is a bad thing, play places are gross) but let me tell you as an employee when you have to listen to a kid scream for the entire meal because the parent wont take them outside or discipline it gives you a healthy respect for the right way to handle the sit.

aessary03 · August 2013

I totally never say never anymore .... who the heck knows?! lol.

Haha, I do find myself gravitating toward my parent's parenting style .... I never thought I'd be so routine/schedule oriented. But having an ADHD child, there's really no other way. She has to have structure, or it's melt down after melt down. Summer is a little more lax since there's nothing really going on for her to be on time for or have to do, but we still maintain the semblance of a structure, such as on weekdays gets up by a certain time, breakfast, morning chores, then to babysitter, pick up, dinner, go outside and play until 8, shower time, and bed by 9 (8:30 when school starts). It's amazing how you adapt to things you never saw yourself doing before.

juliasmama2010 · August 2013

I learned the hard way and at a very early age to never say never. There obviously things I strive to do or not do, but I'm also very realistic and know that a moment of weakness or tiredness may cause me to do something I wouldn't normally do. I just pray that there aren't many people there to witness it! Haha!

PreDempsey · August 2013

That article just made me choke on my lunch. Hilarious.

tesskerr · August 2013

I will never play kids music in the car. It drives me up the fucking wall! My friend, with 2 kids, picked me up for dinner the other night, and hasn't even noticed she had been driving for 30 minutes with the wheels on the bus playing.
She said I will change my mind, because they are naughty with out it and just cry. But if they have never heard it in the car, surely they can just like te radio?

Or maybe big comfy earphones on them, not too loud? Haha.

But other than that, I don't think I have a never. I would even do a DVD player in the car over kids music on the car stereo.

peanutmuse · August 2013

SweetPeaKate said:

Ladams30 said:

I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

Umm yeah, good luck with that. You will either have to never take your kid anywhere, have a perfectly peaceful and totally easygoing kid, or leave whenever your kid gets upset.

@SweetPeaKate
That's what my mother did (bolded), and it worked perfectly. And believe me, the middle sister was a pain in the ass. But she learned very quickly that she missed out on things if she screamed. Restaurants, grocery stores, pharmacies, doctor's offices -- you name the place, if one of us screamed, we were out of there immediately. I was 6 and 9 years older than my sisters, so I remember it well. I plan to follow her example.

(I'm not talking about crying babies, FYI, I'm talking about toddlers throwing temper tantrums.)

buckeyebride22 · August 2013

I love this thanks for sharing! My favorite was the throwing things in the toilet. DS has figured out how to lift the toilet seat and flush....

The only "never" that I've stuck too is no pop. I'm horribly addicted. I'm working on quitting so it won't even be in the house.

Jmattis · August 2013

This will definitely change once he's here, but I plan on not allowing him to sleep in our bed or watch tv all day long. I want him outside and playing with the neighborhood children like my husband and I did. I also refuse to get Him an iPhone when he's 6 years old like some parents do these days. I didn't have my first cell phone until college and got my first iPhone a few years ago.

aessary03 · August 2013

Jmattis said:

This will definitely change once he's here, but I plan on not allowing him to sleep in our bed or watch tv all day long. I want him outside and playing with the neighborhood children like my husband and I did. I also refuse to get Him an iPhone when he's 6 years old like some parents do these days. I didn't have my first cell phone until college and got my first iPhone a few years ago.

If your son is anything like my kid, she doesn't want to be inside. She wants to be outside! The only time this becomes a problem is when it is super stinkin' cold and it's just no fun playing outside. So I hope you get a kiddo like mine!

lol, my kid tries to hit me up for a cell phone all the time. I always tell her, when you start walking to school or playing after school sports (which won't happen until at least middle school), that's when you can bug me for a cell phone! I think it's crazy ridiculous to gave a child that young a cell phone.

DaniMiller · August 2013

I had a long list of "I will NEVER..." Almost all of these were forgotten about. My top ones were no pacifier, no baby in bed, and no specially made dinners. I had a very colicky baby who turned into a no meat eating toddler! I learned to Never say never! This article was a good laugh because it is so true!

cyndilouwho77 · August 2013

buckeyebride22 said:

I love this thanks for sharing! My favorite was the throwing things in the toilet. DS has figured out how to lift the toilet seat and flush.... The only "never" that I've stuck too is no pop. I'm horribly addicted. I'm working on quitting so it won't even be in the house.

I use to think that we would be a no soda family too, but ha ha ha ha! My youngest wont touch it with a ten foot pole but my oldest is allergic to everything so she actually has to have soda when we eat out.....its been a real pain since she got braces a few weeks ago.

Ladams30 · August 2013

rowanthefrog said:

Ladams30 said:

I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

Toddlers just scream sometimes. Are you really going to drop everything and leave the grocery store/target wherever every time your toddler gets upset about...whatever it is that happens to bother them at that minute? Once my toddler screamed because he saw an airplane and then he couldn't see it anymore. It happens. It's not like I don't try to calm my kids down, but sometimes life must go on, screaming toddler and all.

A

Yes, I absolutely will. The only place I can think of where I would need to stay is the doctor's office. My mother dragged me out of where she needed to; I will do the same - full grocery cart or not. There is nothing I need so desperately that I will continue to let my child scream while I hurry up and finish.

casholmes · August 2013

I'm not saying 'no pacifier' but definitely not up to an older age! I had mine too long and ended up as a thumbsucker who needed braces.

Probably my biggest 'never' is the cell phone thing. I know too many bratty kids who got them way too young.

AnnikaD20 · August 2013

If you asked me a couple years ago, I would have had answers for all kinds of parenting things. But now that I'm pregnant I'm a lot more open-minded about different approaches to things. Maybe I will end up with the kid in bed with us at some point, or letting them watch a show while I cook dinner. There are still a couple of nevers that I'm holding onto. Ask me in a couple years how they're working out for me.

I'm still saying that I'll never be the mom who counts to 3, and then says don't make me count to ten, and then counts to 9 1/2, and then says I mean it this time, you'd better stop, and then starts counting again.

I'm pretty sure I'm never going to give in to a tantrum in a store. I cringe when I see parents buying whatever junk food or crappy toy their kid is pitching a fit over just to shut them up.

Deblondie1 · August 2013

Let's just say I was a kick-ass parent before I had Emme. Now I'm in survival mode. You really can't say how you will react to a situation until you know your kid.

DD has sensory issues. She throws a lot of fits and I have gotten many judgemental stares. But I suck it up and go about my business, with the exception of eating out. Please don't judge moms of screaming toddlers. You have no clue what might really be going on.

HappyDoc · August 2013

I will never force my child to eat something that she hates. That being said, she won't just be allowed to eat whatever she wants, but my mother forced me to eat onions as a child (she put them in EVERYTHING), and to this day, I cannot eat anything with onions. So, if we are eating meatloaf and she doesn't like meatloaf? She is welcome to eat the mashed potatoes and vegetables, and skip the meatloaf.

Lena122 · August 2013

Ladams30 said:

rowanthefrog said:

Ladams30 said:

I can't stand screaming toddlers in public. I don't care to hear your precious snookums testing his full lung capacity. My mom didn't let me do it, my kids won't do it. End. of. story.

Toddlers just scream sometimes. Are you really going to drop everything and leave the grocery store/target wherever every time your toddler gets upset about...whatever it is that happens to bother them at that minute? Once my toddler screamed because he saw an airplane and then he couldn't see it anymore. It happens. It's not like I don't try to calm my kids down, but sometimes life must go on, screaming toddler and all.

A

Yes, I absolutely will. The only place I can think of where I would need to stay is the doctor's office. My mother dragged me out of where she needed to; I will do the same - full grocery cart or not. There is nothing I need so desperately that I will continue to let my child scream while I hurry up and finish.

Sooo, let's say you're in the grocery store, you just loaded all your groceries on the conveyor belt and the cashier has started ringing you up. Your toddler gets upset because he/she can't reach the buttons of the card swipe and freaks out. You're just going to leave the store with your order half rung up and now a cashier who has to deal with cancelling your order and restocking your crap? How is that less obnoxious than letting a kid cry for 2 minutes? I absolutely don't "let" my 18 month old throw tantrums in public (and I ignore them at home) but kids cry. It's a fact of life.

It's one thing to carry on with your restaurant meal ignoring a screaming kid but it's not as simple as "my kids won't do it. End. of. story."

Mommasay0 · August 2013

MissMandyD said:
I will never compare my kids to each other and make them feel like they are measured against the other.

Other than that...no idea!

This exactly!

SweetPeaKate · August 2013

@peanutmuse I totally agree with restaurants!! We absolutely remove DS when he starts fighting/screaming.

It's not that I find DS's crying/screaming to be acceptable behavior, but right now he is almost always crying out of frustration for some reason or another. He has a very short temper and low frustration level. We are very much trying to help him work through it as much as we can. For example at the grocery store he cries because he wants out of the cart and if I would even try to remove him from the store it would of course fix the situation simply because he wants out of the cart which would be what he got just by picking him up. I hope that makes sense. And if I were to let him walk he would then be ripping all the items off the shelf or running like a maniac through the aisles. (Which also drives me crazy) I want him to learn that he can't always get his way. Will I let him scream bloody murder for 30 minutes while I casually finish shopping...absolutely not. But I won't remove him just to fix the situation, I think he needs to learn to be in situations appropriately and needs little opportunities to learn that.

If it worked for your mom or you or anyone else you know, I'm glad. It's obviously not for me.

But I definitely also agree with @Deblondie1, you really just don't know what else is going on "behind the scenes" to be able to fully understand the full scope of the picture.

peanutmuse · August 2013

SweetPeaKate said:

But I won't remove him just to fix the situation, I think he needs to learn to be in situations appropriately and needs little opportunities to learn that.

I get what you're saying overall, but my problem (specifically) with the above is that it affects other people too. And you are subjecting them to your son's issues whether they like it or not. They don't have a choice. That's the part that I have an issue with. I certainly don't know what the best answer is, and honestly, I don't think there is one. And you absolutely should do what you think is best, of course.

To be fair, though, I'm also jaded in this conversation because my SIL lets my niece run around in restaurants. Literally, run around. Scream. Talk to other people who are eating dinner. I find it extremely embarrassing. We've had waitresses come to our table and ask us to control her. I want to crawl under the table when that happens.

Deblondie1 · August 2013

peanutmuse said:

SweetPeaKate said:

But I won't remove him just to fix the situation, I think he needs to learn to be in situations appropriately and needs little opportunities to learn that.

I get what you're saying overall, but my problem (specifically) with the above is that it affects other people too. And you are subjecting them to your son's issues whether they like it or not. They don't have a choice. That's the part that I have an issue with. I certainly don't know what the best answer is, and honestly, I don't think there is one. And you absolutely should do what you think is best, of course.

To be fair, though, I'm also jaded in this conversation because my SIL lets my niece run around in restaurants. Literally, run around. Scream. Talk to other people who are eating dinner. I find it extremely embarrassing. We've had waitresses come to our table and ask us to control her. I want to crawl under the table when that happens.

That mind of behavior is bullshit and would NOT fly in our house. We avoided eating out with DD for almost a year because she didn't handle it well. But if I avoided everything she didn't handle well, we would be shut-ins. It sucks it affects others on a level but it's way worse being the mom.

blue_elle · August 2013

We'll see how all this goes later, but I agree with others on acting crazy in public. My mom never let her children throw fits in public. I tried once when I was two, threw myself on the floor of the store. She calmy told me to get up and that we were leaving, stepped over me, and kept walking. I was shocked I was being left so I shut my trap and jumped up to follow. I never tried that again. I think I would absolutely do the same.

She also did not allow us to run around with dirty faces, hands, or clothes (except during active messy play). I won't let my child either. Dirty, sticky kid hands make me cring.

Also on my list- no shoes inside and no jumping on furniture and I will keep control of my kid in other's homes. My step-brothers kids come over and try to jump (literally) on my sofa with their shoes on while mom and dad just stand by. Um, get the hell off!

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