Co-parenting.

bigbootyjudi · August 2013

What do you and your H/SO disagree on when it comes to parenting?

What have you compromised on (meaning something you did or didn't want to, but SO/H did)?

bigbootyjudi · August 2013

SO is pretty laid back, but childcare strikes a chord in him. He refuses to leave G for the night, in the church nursery, or anywhere for more than a few hours. He's still leery of the babysitter I hired as well, although she's proven to be completely trustworthy and is awesome with G.

He also wanted to shave G bald. He doesn't think his clothes need to match. He doesn't care about changing him out of his play sweats before leaving the house. He gives him anything and everything to eat...including hot sauce on Cheerios.

I've compromised on the food thing. If G eats it, he obviously likes it. The clothes thing still bugs me, but Im not making more work for myself by laying out outfits. I didn't fight him on the church daycare thing since G is only there for 15 minutes, but I'm working on the overnight thing. I need a night to just drink and have sex without hearing the damn FP seahorse play.

Oh and he wants to spank G. I'm not having that.

poppyseed1017 · August 2013

DH pretty much follows my lead on most things. At this point there isn't much we disagree on. I mean, he bathes her differently than I do and doesn't think too much about what she wears like I do (lol), but that's fine with me. He pushed me to leave her overnight so we could have time together and I'm actually really glad he did because now I'm totally comfortable with it and she does great. We parent very much the same way.

aimee1899 · August 2013

The car radio. He thinks it's NBD to blast any of Eminem's albums while we're in the car as a family and I rather the kids not hear it so young. The same with movies and TV shows. I think it's our job to delay exposure to certain topics until they're old enough to understand context.

Mrs. Rohde · August 2013

DH likes to "make deals" with C. Like in "if you eat this then you can have some dessert". I hate it. Eating 1/8 of her meal does not equal reward in my mind. Since he doesn't usually deal with the meal battles like I do he just goes with the easy fix. It's something I am constantly working on with him because he would rather have a peaceful happy meal (which I obviously want too) and give into the whining whereas I am in the "take it or leave it" boat with no rewards for bad behavior. We're working on it. And DD is getting better finally. It's only taken 2 years of picky eating. Ugh. She used to eat anything and everything we put in front of her and all of a sudden she hated something she used to love and would only have other things then those things she hated and went back to the previously hated food.
We were the problem. As the food suppliers we should have just stuck to our guns then but I was worried she wouldn't eat. Rookie mistake. She'll eat when she's hungry and then she'll eat what's put in front of her. We ave in too easily to start and then it became normal. I am so not looking forward to this with O. Hopefully we learn from our past mistakes.

BatDaughter4Eva · August 2013

We had a couple arguments on crib and car seat safety, and CIO before 6 months until he got educated on those. He mostly follows my lead because i do the research.

He never matches Js clothes (or his own) which drives me nuts when we are going out.

lady_tytah · August 2013

We are very on the same page. We have more issues with holidays than anything. I want to Halloween he doesnt despite him not consistently going to church. We both arent big on CIO, discipline style are quite similar. He takes longer to say/punish then me but regardless we've together. Clothing, Hubs in general isnt big on what he looks like so dressing the kids is more on me. Hubs originally wasn't into bedsharing but now loves it. Thoughhe is ready for him to be out the bed while I'm dragging my feet. Nene was in my bed till almost 2. I know hubs isn't about to let it go in that long lol.

JayandEmm · August 2013

Exposure to certain things on tv or radio is really the only thing we disagree on. He really doesn't think it's a big deal for young children to be playing Call of Duty, or for them to hear explicit lyrics on the radio, or to watch R rated movies because "they're going to be exposed to it anyways". I've explained that we can't control what they see outside home, but we can control what goes on inside. It's not our job to introduce sex and violence to our child.

He grew up with no parental control on those things, and he thinks that since he turned out fine, William will too. He knows this is a stupid way of thinking.

BatDaughter4Eva · August 2013

@jayandemm, the influence those games make is a BIG thing. My nephews are not allowed to even watch someone play them. A friend of mine allows her young children to play halo, and all they talk about is guns and killing.

SO isn't allowed to play that stuff around J. Plus, it's over stimulating for J to be watching.

jillybean7582 · August 2013

The only major thing we disagree on is letting DS play with toy guns and if DS needs to take a gun and hunting safty class or not.

My DH is a big hunter and while I am totally fine with DS going with him after he turns five and being allowed to hunt himself when he is eight (our states age requirements) I said he had to take hunting and gun safety classes befoe he could go. My DH doesn't think it is a big deal and says he can teach him all that stuff. I just feel more comfortable with him taking a class.

Also I do not think he needs toy guns, especially since he will be exposed to real ones hunting. My DH says he will know the difference between the real thing and a toy so he doesn't see the harm. I disagree.

Whittyone12 · August 2013

We are on the same page for most things. DH likes to have the tv on cartoons all the time when he and Keith are home for "noise" but I really wish he wouldn't let him have so much screen time. Honestly it's not that big of a deal and if that's the biggest thing we disagree on I think we are doing good. He also doesn't like to babywear like I do but I think it more of a style thing than anything else.

ETA: posted before I was finished.

NeneCakies · August 2013

So far we agree on a strategic level but not so much a tactical level (too many cooks in the kitchen is our downfall). Like trying to change a diaper together quickly degrades to bickering about how, where and when to wipe. Did I mention I'm always on the stinky end?! DH is a little hands off (but still backseat drives) on all the girly business. He'll change and dress her but only if he can't stall her long enough for me to do it. I foresee a clear divide in duties as she develops. I kinda get it so I've let him off the hook a lot but don't want him or her to fall into a "mommy do it" gender trap. His feelings would be hurt if she never wanted him there for bath time or even to tie her shoe - my niece was like that and it took a long time to reverse it.

lady_tytah · August 2013

jillybean7582 said:

The only major thing we disagree on is letting DS play with toy guns and if DS needs to take a gun and hunting safty class or not. My DH is a big hunter and while I am totally fine with DS going with him after he turns five and being allowed to hunt himself when he is eight (our states age requirements) I said he had to take hunting and gun safety classes befoe he could go. My DH doesn't think it is a big deal and says he can teach him all that stuff. I just feel more comfortable with him taking a class. Also I do not think he needs toy guns, especially since he will be exposed to real ones hunting. My DH says he will know the difference between the real thing and a toy so he doesn't see the harm. I disagree.

Hubs family big pro gun. We plan on Nene taking a safety course despite his auncle being chief of police. We wa want them both to understand the severity of it.

lady_tytah · August 2013

LiliDragon said:

We are very on the same page. We have more issues with holidays than anything. I want to Halloween he doesnt despite him not consistently going to church. We both arent big on CIO, discipline style are quite similar. He takes longer to say/punish then me but regardless we've together. Clothing, Hubs in general isnt big on what he looks like so dressing the kids is more on me. Hubs originally wasn't into bedsharing but now loves it. Thoughhe is ready for him to be out the bed while I'm dragging my feet. Nene was in my bed till almost 2. I know hubs isn't about to let it go in that long lol.
Dude! I don't get the no Halloween thing! It's a Christian holy day FFS! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween So many in my town (Dutch Reforms) wouldn't celebrate it either. I always felt so bad for those kids!

His mom raised him borderline JW. So no christmas tree either. She used the verses fron Leviticus about no trees near an alter. It wasn't till she died that he didna tree at 17. They also never watched Disney movies because of the magic. Completely sheltered. On the Halloween thing, despite me giving him full background about thevtruth behind it he "just doesn't feel right aboutnit". We'll be having lots of discussion the closerbit gets because both kids will be going.

piphigirl · August 2013

We don't disagree on much. I do a lot of the reading and research; if something is important to me, I'll ask him to read it, too. Then we'll talk about what parts of the book/article we agreed and disagreed with and make a play. (Example: we just read Happiest Toddler on the Block and have talked about which parts of the book we'd like to follow with DD.)

Of course, we do little things differently. DH always puts shorts/pants and a t-shirt on her; I always put dresses or sunsuits on her. (He took her hiking last week in a green Beatles onesie and a bright pink skort... what?) We also do different activities with her, which I think is great.

It's nice to agree on all the big stuff, at least for now. It's also nice to be fairly logical people who talk about things openly, which I think is key to parenting.

AggieDaner · August 2013

I hope this doesn't make anyone want to punch me in the taco, but we have yet to disagree about anything in terms of raising her. Like, we'll play hot-potato sometimes with who has to change the cheese-poop diaper, but that's about it. He um....respects mah authoritay.

That sounds bad. It's just that we're really similar already in our views on child rearing, and for specific weird situations that we haven't previously discussed our approach for, he knows that I research the shit out of everything, and he trusts my judgment. We'll see how it goes once she's walking/talking like an actual person, though.

lady_tytah · August 2013

AggieDaner said:

I hope this doesn't make anyone want to punch me in the taco, but we have yet to disagree about anything in terms of raising her. Like, we'll play hot-potato sometimes with who has to change the cheese-poop diaper, but that's about it. He um....respects mah authoritay.

That sounds bad. It's just that we're really similar already in our views on child rearing, and for specific weird situations that we haven't previously discussed our approach for, he knows that I research the shit out of everything, and he trusts my judgment. We'll see how it goes once she's walking/talking like an actual person, though.

That's greTat! No hate here

mmknightly · August 2013

Ok, I'm going to say something and I want everyone to know that I am in no way trying to disrespect any of you. I applaud all of you for being educated women with mostly understanding husbands with whom you share the responsibilities. Reading through these, though, have made me think of my single parent confession the other day. I love that I don't have to discuss my parenting choices with someone else who has equal say. I make the decision and I handle the consequences. On the flip side, though, I am jealous of you guys sometimes because you do have someone there to help. I have my mom to help, but that's always an all day ordeal and we already see my parents at least 5 days a week, as it is. Sorry for the rambling disruption. Carry on!

lady_tytah · August 2013

mmknightly said:

Ok, I'm going to say something and I want everyone to know that I am in no way trying to disrespect any of you. I applaud all of you for being educated women with mostly understanding husbands with whom you share the responsibilities. Reading through these, though, have made me think of my single parent confession the other day. I love that I don't have to discuss my parenting choices with someone else who has equal say. I make the decision and I handle the consequences. On the flip side, though, I am jealous of you guys sometimes because you do have someone there to help. I have my mom to help, but that's always an all day ordeal and we already see my parents at least 5 days a week, as it is. Sorry for the rambling disruption. Carry on!

I was a single mom for 4 years and completely understand your rambling. It was great having sole responsibity but also realky dauntinand sometimes terrifying.

CLeigh03 · August 2013

We are pretty much on the same page. Sometimes DH can be more lax in discipline though - which I understand as he doesn't see the kids often during the week. Sometimes it's just for 5-10 minutes so he isn't going to 'lay down the law' during those moments.

tumblefluff · August 2013

AggieDaner said:

I hope this doesn't make anyone want to punch me in the taco, but we have yet to disagree about anything in terms of raising her. Like, we'll play hot-potato sometimes with who has to change the cheese-poop diaper, but that's about it. He um....respects mah authoritay.

That sounds bad. It's just that we're really similar already in our views on child rearing, and for specific weird situations that we haven't previously discussed our approach for, he knows that I research the shit out of everything, and he trusts my judgment. We'll see how it goes once she's walking/talking like an actual person, though.

This is exactly how we are.

PaisleyRuth · August 2013

We mostly agree. We have different styles just based on our personalities... he's more laid back & like others have said, he's not around them all day every day, so he might be more likely to bend the "rules" when he is (feed them less healthy stuff, keep them up past their bedtime, etc.).

When DS was first born, DH was way more anti-screen-time (I was sortof ambivalent), but we subsequently got rid of cable & screen time is almost nil by default & I'm totally fine with that. He also sometimes has more "ideal" ideas about how we should parent, but I'm the one who has to actually do it consistently every day and it's not always so easy!

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