Balancing it all

CrazyMary77 · August 2013

Can we have a discussion about balancing it all? First some background about me and why I've been thinking a lot about this. I'm a new SAHM. Things happened sort of fast for me. I met my now husband in June 2009 at 31 years of age. One year later we were engaged. A year after that, married. And a year after that, pregnant. Before I got pregnant, I worked full time. I considered myself a very independent woman. DH has a demanding job, often working 14 hour days and taking many business trips on weekends. For the short amount of time that it was just the two of us, I still felt very independent because his work schedule allowed me to have a lot of free time to do whatever I wanted. Then enters the life altering event of having a baby, when I said good bye to the old "independent working woman" me and hello to the new SAHM me at 35.

After a period of adjustment, I now love being a SAHM. I love spending the vast majority of my time with my little girl. Slowly but surely, I've been figuring out how to go from being consumed by caring for a newborn/infant to including other important things. Just recently I started dieting and exercising. I'm trying to be better about keeping up with cleaning and not putting off important things for too long. I've also joined a couple mommy groups and am working on being more social.

The tough part at the moment is making time for DH. I get up in the middle of the night with LO (Not complaining. I don't mind doing it at all.) I get up with her at 6:30am. Keeping her entertained, carrying her around (she's currently 18 lbs), plus when she naps I'm catching up on chores, keeping busy around the house, by the time she goes to bed at 7:30pm, I'm exhausted. Now I've added doing exercise after she goes to bed. So after exercise, then shower, I'm pooped. Then DH comes home from work. He wants to have lengthy conversations at 10pm when all I want to do is sleep. I feel bad for him. We have gone out on a few dates since LO is born, but I know he would like more of my attention.

How have you handled life transitions and balancing life?

ChicagoBroad26 · August 2013

I'm mostly a lurker on this board, but I left a high profile job and became a SAHM (like I'm sure many here did). In my experience and what's worked best for me is, even if I'm exhausted, I plan on making (intimate) time with H at least two times a week. Even if I don't really feel like it beforehand, I always get into the moment and enjoy myself and I find that it really connects us. Likewise, every night in bed we talk about our days for a while. I try and mentally note funny things the kids did or said to tell him in bed and he loves hearing about it. Good for you for taking time for yourself to exercise and get yourself in shape. I really need to make an effort there, especially now that I'm four months pp.

ETA: making time for intimacy came later than four months the first time around. I'd say H and I got into a good rhythm around 6-8 months pp. It just takes time but things do get better, in all aspects.

MomIn2013 · August 2013

I just want to say I'm in the same boat, down to the timeline (dated for a year, engaged for five months, got married then got pregnant a month later). Also, we lived in separate cities until just a couple of months before DS was born (we were together every weekend), so we only had a couple of months to live just the two of us as a married couple. I haven't figured out a solution yet, and wish I felt more like staying up late to talk, etc., but I'm ready for bed by 10pm at the latest. I'm just hoping that DS will start STTN soon so I won't be so exhausted at night. Sorry no advice, just commiseration!

Louiej · August 2013

Happy mommy...happy family. Try to put yourself first when possible, maybe schedule a day or a few hours just for you on a weekend. Join a gym with daycare...work out during the day? Pencil your DH in there too, being a new dad takes its toll too. ::hugs:: it gets better

blushingbride_08 · August 2013

I like to make lists with goals. Do one small thing each day to work towards the goals in each area. Right now my personal goals are to be healthy spiritually and physically. Some days just taking a nice long shower was a goal because I got to have "me time." One of my family goals is to make healthy homemade meals. Don't try to be perfect just one small goal each day.

MountaineerMomma · August 2013

It really does take a lot of time and practice to get it down, and even then you can't expect perfection. With dd1, it was close to her first birthday before DH and i really got back to normal (or new normal, I guess). Dd2 has been a whole other ballgame.

She will be eight months old tomorrow, and I am seriously considering hiring a cleaning lady just so I have some energy to devote to DH. You're doing a great job though!

Arnegard · August 2013

I think it is unfair to expect to do it all with a 4 month old. I have been there 3x and never had it all together after 4 months.

I think you have to take care of you and DH will understand. I know my DH will take care of shiz around the house to let me know he appreciates me.

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2013

It's one of those things that will get easier with time. Your lo will grow, start sttn, gain mobility and not be so dependent on you, etc. just some food for thought-you say you do it all and that it works with you which is a fine choice. However, if you allow your dh to help out a little more it may give you more time/energy to focus on him.

CrazyMary77 · August 2013

I love the gym suggestion. I used to belong to a gym for many many years. But at the moment, I feel that LO is too young to put her in the gym's daycare for just an hour. She has been having a really hard time when we go anywhere new, so I'm pretty sure she'll just be crying the entire time. Hopefully she'll get better with this and I can rejoin. Going to a gym class a couple times a week would make a huge difference for me!

trizzie · August 2013

Give yourself sometime. At 4 months, you are still in survival mode! You will get there and find your rhythm, but give it a little more time. And don't be so hard on yourself!

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