Shaking with anger right now (long rant)

kelly321 · August 2013

So I got on FB as a little break, and read this update from my aunt:
"What do you think?????
Why is it that people who are afraid of everything and think about the worst things that can happen feel they have to share with people who don't? It drives me a little nuts! Every time my preg. daughter talks to one person that person is such a negative person! ARGH!"

As part of the comments, my cousin wrote: "The benefit is that your pregnant daughter doesn't really get concerned about much. As long as my doctor isn't concerned neither am I."

I'm about 99.9% positive she's talking about me because my cousin posted on FB last week that she had such dramatic swelling that her boss sent her over to the medical department to get checked out. I PMd her and told her to keep an eye on her BP and other pre-e signs. I had HELLP with DD1, another one of our aunts had severe pre-e with both of her kids, and it's thought that there may be a genetic link. So I just told her to keep an eye out.

In further comments, my aunt wrote: "Thanks for your thoughts. I agree with you all...and *cousin* .. I know you don't pay any attention to that person. Good for you!"

W.T.H.

Do you think it's alarmist to tell a woman who's about 30 weeks pregnant to keep an eye on her BP if she has sudden swelling? My cousin said her BP was fine, and I said that's great but it can go up fast, so just keep monitoring it. What really makes me angry are the comments about "I know you don't pay any attention to that person" and that "that person is such a negative person." I disagree with my cousin a lot, but I don't think of myself as a negative person, and I really resent it being said that I try to bring people down because of my fears. Hi, I had HELLP, I had a DVT, I had a miscarriage, and I had a beginning uterine rupture. These things are not just imaginary possibilities that never actually happen. They happened to me. And if there's a genetic link, there's a higher possibility of them happening to people I'm related to.

I called my aunt out on it and said "Why do I have a feeling that this is directed at me because I told *cousin* to keep an eye on her blood pressure with her sudden swelling?" I'm now wondering what sort of fallout this is going to have.

end rant. Sorry.

Drea926 · August 2013

**Hugs**

I don't think you were being negative and I'm really sensitive with that sort of thing. I feel like being negative towards a pregnant lady is saying stupid stuff like, "Oh you'll never wear a bikini again!" not giving sage advice about a possible health risk.

jkuhmann · August 2013

Some people just like to close their eyes to potential badness rather than be brave and accept the possibility and prepare themselves. If that's how she needs to cope with this, that's her issue. I don't think you were being negative towards her; I think you were being a concerned family member. If you had told her and then sent her all kinds of links about it and then told her about your friend that this also happened to who lost her pregnancy in her third trimester, then yeah, I'd say that would be a little much, but it doesn't sound like you did that. At least now you know you don't have to waste your breath on her anymore. :-)

DublinMama · August 2013

Passive aggressive drama on FB is a huge pet-peeve of mine. I would be as livid as you are, and I would have absolutely called them out on it like you did. I think what you offered her was meant to be helpful and supportive. Like @Drea926 said, it's not like you were making the stupid remarks people make about never sleeping again or pregnancy wrecking your body. The thing that sucks is that your aunt probably won't have the courage to take you head on about it, bc she didn't have the courage to say something to your face the first time. Lame.

mishka29 · August 2013

That's annoying especially when you were just trying to be helpful. Maybe she'll say nothing bc she didn't think you were going to call her out.

kelly321 · August 2013

Thanks for let me vent. She answered me that the swelling wasn't sudden and pregnant women have swelling. I replied that my cousin had posted on FB that the swelling was so bad her boss sent her to the medical department (so obviously a bit more than normal swelling...). No answer to that yet. I'm out of the conversation, anyway. What I'm most hurt about is finding out via FB that my aunt apparently doesn't like me even though she's nice(ish) to my face. It shouldn't really surprise me because she even talks about her daughter behind her back. Still, it hurts. Blah.

Myaflowers · August 2013

I'm just lurking from January, but I also had HELLP and don't think you were being an alarmist. I would have said the same thing. Swelling was my first symptom, and I, like your cousin, brushed off everyone's comments re: my BP. I kept saying, 'My blood pressure is fine.' Boy was I clueless!

kleigh926 · August 2013

Oooh, I would have been steamed too! It doesn't sound like you were being negative at all, just helpful and concerned. And FWIW, I probably would have responded exactly like you did despite the fallout, because I just can't stand nonsense like that.

ericalee27 · August 2013

I'm also in the you can't be too careful camp. Having had pre-e with both pregnancies now, I definitely talk to others about it if warranted (i.e. symptoms seem consistent with pre-e, etc.) Why wouldn't I try to help someone out if I could?

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Shaking with anger right now (long rant)

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