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Family vent

kmcd23kmcd23 member
in May 2013 Moms
I don't have a relationship with my Dad, and I've been fine with that for years. But he randomly emailed me during third tri, wanting to know how I was doing. I'm always honest with him, so I told him I was pregnant, had moved to Cali, etc.
About a month ago, he emailed again, wanting to know how everything went. I added him to the birth announcement list, since I was still working on them, and sent his with everyone else's.
Even though we rarely speak, he knows me well, and he sent some of the cutest, most personal gifts we received.
Then I started to get sad, sad that even though he knows me so well, he chooses to not be a part of my life. Sad that my little boy is missing out on the experience of having a great Gramps like I did. He's even named after my Gramps because we were so close. 
One of my bff's said, I have to look at it like this - my son has an amazing father who would do anything for him, and that's more important. Touche. I got happy again.
But then today, my Dad emailed a picture of "G's cousin"... what? I should mention, I also don't have a relationship with my half brother and half sister, though I would like to. But they were much younger, so when my Dad cut me off, they got cut off too. So now I'm seeing that one of them has a baby too, and that makes me REALLY sad, that I have a niece or nephew I didn't even know existed.
My nieces and nephews from my full sister are so special to me. To think I have another that I don't even know the name of is making my heart hurt. And to think G has cousins he'll probably never meet sucks.
It's times like this that I wish he would just cut me off 100%. Because 5% is really hard sometimes.
:(
Vent over. 
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Re: Family vent

  • jayro10jayro10 member
    Sorry you're feeling bad about this. I didn't have much of a relationship with my dad either (he passed away almost 2 years ago) and I often felt like I wished it was all or nothing as well. It was hard to always hear about how awesome his "new" life was with his wife (not my mom) and her daughter who apparently was the daughter he never had in me. He even called her his daughter, which always stung. It sucked.
    Sending you creepy Internet hugs.
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  • CNJ4EVACNJ4EVA member
    missk0411 said:

    Are your half brother and sister old enough for you to reach out to to start to form a relationship with, independent of your father?  Having kids is an excellent branch to extend, I think.  You may be able to start a relationship with them that doesn't really involve your father, if you want.

    This was my thought as well. Maybe you could salvage (or renew) relationships there.

    I have no paternal relationship  (abusive alcoholic),  so I understand your sense of loss. It sucks, but sometimes we are better off. I once had a here today, gone tomorrow relationship with my father, but have been much happier since I ended it completely.  * hugs *
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  • mommatotwo2mommatotwo2 member
    I'm sorry, that sucks, and I can relate. My dad had an affair and left us all for the new woman when I was 21 and my bro was 17. She had a baby (not his) a couple of years later (they were on "a break" or something). She thinks he's her daddy. It's weird. We've been strained ever since. We talk on the phone every month or so and see eachother a few times a year. He hasn't met LO2 yet ,but then neither has my mother, I posted about that last week. Family sucks. :( *Hugs*
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  • trevinosnmtrevinosnm member
    I totally feel you.  I don't have much of a relationship anymore with my dad and my older sister because of religion issues.  I hardly ever hear from my dad so I was really shocked when they got us something off the gift registry.  I sent an email, a thank you card and birth announcement and I've gotten no response back at all.  My sister I've heard from a bit here and there.  I sent her an email letting her know we are going to Texas at the end of the year and plan on being there for about 2 1/2 weeks and the dates so that hopefully we can work something out and see everyone (dad included, they live within a few miles of each other). Have not heard one word from her.  It really hurts when I see her comment on my younger brother's (from my mom) baby picture posts who is just three months younger than J.  Never once has she said anything or liked a picture of J.  It's hard because there was a time when my sister and I were pretty close and my dad raised me as he got custody of me instead of my mom when they divorced when I was 6 years old.
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  • kmcd23kmcd23 member
    It's a shame that so many of you can relate. I don't know if there's a chance to have a relationship with my younger brother and sister. Sister lives with Dad still, and little brother, being the only son, is very close with him. My older sister tried to reach out several months ago and got no response.

    Since I posted, he emailed again, like nothing is odd about it all! I guess I'll just wait and see how long it lasts this time.
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  • PumpkinAndThePeanutPumpkinAndThePeanut member
    I'm really sorry for your situation with him. Also sending you Internet hugs.

    While I have a good relationship with my dad, he didn't come to my (overseas) wedding and if DH and I ever move back to the UK I know he wouldn't come visit. I just tell myself whenever I'm upset about it, that it's his loss. Hope you are able to someday establish a relationship with your siblings and nieces/ nephews if your dad never comes around and realizes his mistake.
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  • 1and1is31and1is3 member
    I'm really sorry you're going through this. I can also relate as I also have a distant dad. :::hugs:::


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  • MrsM1111MrsM1111 member
    I haven't talked to my dad since I was 15. Led to a lot of "daddy issues". I've come to terms that I am a better person now without him in my life.

    Since learning we were pregnant I've been having variations of a dream where we will be out as a family and randomly run into him - he doesn't recognize me and I spasm a "Dad" to him, he looks shocked then looks at husband and children like he can't figure the whole picture out and then kids ask who he is and I wake up. Very sad they won't know their grandfather and my mom isn't remarried so no grandpa on that side.

    When discussed with husband he says she will never know that type of abandonment and that we have enough love between us and the family that is present to completely overcome his absence.

    Also, when my dad completely severed ties to me and my 3 siblings (all his) his family followed suit. Via Facebook we know we have an adopted cousin but know we will never meet her and that my grandfather passed. Heartbreaking not to have even been thought of to be told of his passing and our young cousin (6yrs ish I think) will never know her only cousins.

    In the end I believe we will be better parents to our children because we know what it feels like to have an absentee parents.

    Sending lots of hugs your way.
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  • Boo0512Boo0512 member
    Hugs to you! That would be so hard. I'm sorry you have to go through that.
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  • LaxMOM44LaxMOM44 member
    That sounds really tough. As your friend reminded you, your LO is lucky to have a great dad and it sounds like an awesome mom. I had a terrible relationship with my mom and H's parents are really cold. We made a pact that when we had babies we were going to tell them every day that we love them even on the days when it was hard to. Your LO will grow up with so much love that a missing grandpa won't matter. Hugs
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