Community› The Bump Month Clubs› April 2013 Moms
April 2013 Moms
New Discussion

Just can't agree

WooTob12WooTob12 member
in April 2013 Moms
I'm want to make it clear that this is not a bash DH thread but what do you do when you just don't agree on decisions for LO.. Do you feel there is anything you have veto power over DH?  For example: breastfeeding, sleeping arrangements, when to give meds etc. 
DH and I can't agree on when to start solids, how to transition out of swaddling or when to give LO pain relief for teething.  He once gave me a hard time about breastfeeding but I made it very clear that I will stop breastfeeding when I'm ready (it made his family too uncomfortable, tough!). DH is a great father and husband but a bit more laid back than I am.  DH is going to be SAHD so I want him to be really confident when taking care of DS but I'm a bit nervous he'll try to feed a cheeseburger at 6 months lol (ok a bit of an exaggeration but you get the point).
So how do you decide when you can't agree about important decisions? 

imageBaby Birthday Ticker Tickerimage
image

Report Reply to Post

Re: Just can't agree

  • JSS1002JSS1002 member
    Luckily we didn't disagree on those things at all, when it came to breastfeeding, he left it 100% up to me how i wanted to handle it... he wanted me to do it as long as I wanted to but he was also clear that he had absolutely no vested interest in whether I did it or not, and if I wanted to do 100% formula from day one, he had no problem with that either.

    I don't even know what to tell you on that topic -- when it comes to OTHER issues (ie, personal beliefs or actions that we don't agree on), there are some topics where we just have to pick our battles and agree not to discuss it... but in regards to your kid, I don't really think that is a good idea. 

    I guess when it comes to things like swaddling, solids, etc -- could you agree to defer to your doctor?  That way neither one of you is right or wrong, you're just taking professional advice.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker   

     BabyFruit Ticker

    BabyFetus Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • JSS1002JSS1002 member
    melandjames14 said:
    I agree with making the doctor the neutral party. And if there is a decision you're really passionate about, there has to be a reason. So show him what you're basing your opinion on, but be willing to listen when he does the same. I think we as mothers (not specifically you) often think we have all the answers. Our Hs deserve a say too!
    Agreed -- I also think, though, that some (most?) men don't do all the research and reading we do to understand some of the issues / risks / current trends, etc . Which can be both a good and bad thing.  There's a fine line between informed and over-informed. :-)
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker   

     BabyFruit Ticker

    BabyFetus Ticker
    Report Reply
  • WooTob12WooTob12 member
    I totally agree and appreciate your input, its true DH doesn't research anything and just goes by what his Mom used to do or what friends tell him, and I find it frustrating.. But in truth we've never gotten in serious fights over this but every time I bring up something like I want to wait to give solids his response is always "aww he'll be grand just feed him."(a typical Irish response). I just don't want to that mom/wife who decides everything. 

    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Tickerimage
    image

    Report Reply
  • mariahrbmariahrb member
    Im in the same boat. My DH and I dont agree on much these days. Which is weird because we agreed on EVERYTHING before LO. I like the idea of making the pedi the neutral party. I hadnt thought of that really. Unfortunately, the biggest disagreement we have is about breast feeding. He hates it, I love it. Even with input/info from a lactation consultant, pediatrician, and from friends/family, he still feels BF ISNT beneficial. yeah, hes hard headed. Basically I told him that im willing to meet in the middle on a lot of things BESIDES BF. When it comes to BF, his opinion is not needed. He agreed to bow out of it. It sucks its that way but I WILL NOT let someone, even my own husband, get between me, my baby, and BF. Specially when I know im doing the right thing and hes 100% wrong.  
    Bradley Houston - 04.01.13
    Report Reply
  • JSS1002JSS1002 member
    mariahrb said:
    Im in the same boat. My DH and I dont agree on much these days. Which is weird because we agreed on EVERYTHING before LO. I like the idea of making the pedi the neutral party. I hadnt thought of that really. Unfortunately, the biggest disagreement we have is about breast feeding. He hates it, I love it. Even with input/info from a lactation consultant, pediatrician, and from friends/family, he still feels BF ISNT beneficial. yeah, hes hard headed. Basically I told him that im willing to meet in the middle on a lot of things BESIDES BF. When it comes to BF, his opinion is not needed. He agreed to bow out of it. It sucks its that way but I WILL NOT let someone, even my own husband, get between me, my baby, and BF. Specially when I know im doing the right thing and hes 100% wrong.  
    Just out of curiosity, why is he so anti?  I know that MH wanted to be more involved / helpful, so when I was still breastfeeding and he felt like he was sort of "left out," I would pump sometimes and have him give a bottle (which is now super helpful that I'm not BF'ing and I"m back at work and I NEED his help a lot more).
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker   

     BabyFruit Ticker

    BabyFetus Ticker
    Report Reply
  • tondraluvtondraluv member
    edited August 2013
    DH was a biochem major and I'm the type of person who does a ton of research. Whenever we have a disagreement (how long I should breastfeed, teething solutions, etc) I just present him with the facts or an article and he accepts it. I'd do the same if he felt strongly about something and found evidence to support why he felt that way. His family is very anti-nursing just from lack of knowledge and have given me such a hard time.

    image





    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Report Reply
  • mariahrbmariahrb member
    JSS1002 said:
    mariahrb said:
    Im in the same boat. My DH and I dont agree on much these days. Which is weird because we agreed on EVERYTHING before LO. I like the idea of making the pedi the neutral party. I hadnt thought of that really. Unfortunately, the biggest disagreement we have is about breast feeding. He hates it, I love it. Even with input/info from a lactation consultant, pediatrician, and from friends/family, he still feels BF ISNT beneficial. yeah, hes hard headed. Basically I told him that im willing to meet in the middle on a lot of things BESIDES BF. When it comes to BF, his opinion is not needed. He agreed to bow out of it. It sucks its that way but I WILL NOT let someone, even my own husband, get between me, my baby, and BF. Specially when I know im doing the right thing and hes 100% wrong.  
    Just out of curiosity, why is he so anti?  I know that MH wanted to be more involved / helpful, so when I was still breastfeeding and he felt like he was sort of "left out," I would pump sometimes and have him give a bottle (which is now super helpful that I'm not BF'ing and I"m back at work and I NEED his help a lot more).
    Personally, I think he just likes to argue. Ive shown him the studies and research about BF and how much better it is. Hes went to BF class and lactation consultant apts with me. He refuses to believe any of it. He says "they do studies showing eggs are good for you, the next week theyre bad for you, the week after that they will kill you, now theyre good for you again. Who knows whats good/bad, right/wrong." I dont know... and im sick of arguing and trying to prove him wrong. I asked if he felt left out and what not and he says no. He was formula fed and "turned out fine" so he likes it more than BF. Hes also stated that formula is healthier, easier and more convenient. All the rules for BM are "ridiculous" ie, how long its good for in freezer, fridge, room temp, etc. My SIL said she was paying around 150.00 a week for formula at one point and I told him, he response: "money well spent because LO would sleep longer/better on it." rrriiiggghhhtttt.....
    Bradley Houston - 04.01.13
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"