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Desperate for Advice - DD does not "like" DH & I don't know what to do

Daisy166Daisy166 member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+

DD will be 2 next month and she is sooo dependent on me I think it's at an unhealthy or abnormal level now.  Both DH and I work FT and we also have a 5 y/o boy.  From the beginning DH and I have pretty much split the duties with the kids where I do 90% for my DD and DH does 90% for our DS.  It just seemed to work. For the past month DD has become increasingly attached to me, to the point where if DH and and I are in a room together and I try to leave she freaks out.   This morning DD and I woke up before DH so we watched TV till DH woke.  I went to go leave the room to take a shower and get ready for work and DD flipped out and screamed.  DH tried to hold her but she literally freaked.  It's become very stressful for everyone.  DD gets so stressed out too and I end up just taking over and doing everything. 

DD is in daycare FT and does really well.  She will occasionally cry when I drop her off but most of the time she is fine.  So I do not understand what the deal is with my DH.   I know DD loves DH and they do play together and she laughs with him. 

I just don't know what to do.   I can't continue to do everything for DD.  I really want her to be comfortable with both DH and I.

I am desperate for some advice or gudiance?  I'm thinking of also calling her pediatrician.  Thanks so much for your help.

 

 

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Re: Desperate for Advice - DD does not "like" DH & I don't know what to do

  • beautiflawbeautiflaw member
    Our dd goes through the same thing in phases. Kids just prefer who they are with the most it seems. When dd was 7 months old I had a serious illness and for a couple of months I was not allowed to pick her up, and I was often at the doctor and couldn't spend as much time with her as a I normally did. Dh took over almost everything and she began to prefer him over me. It broke my heart. It took about 6 months to get back on equal ground. Then dh went through some busy months at work and was almost never home. For almost 6 months she never saw him. And now she prefers me. She is still wild about him but she only wants me to hold her and put her down to bed and naps, only behaves for me at the store, etc. Its just a phase. in order to heal our relationship, I had to do stuff with her alone. Sometimes kicking and screaming, but eventually she got over it. I would take her someplace she liked and spend time with her and she realized we could have fun together and it made everything better. Have them go on daddy and daughter dates to get ice cream, or to the park or museum. He could tell her that they are going to the store to pick out a gift for you and that might be a way to get her to go.
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  • SusieBWSusieBW member
    What's it like when you are just not home?  Like, when she's forced to be alone with him?  Is everything fine then?  I feel like you just need to make that happen more often to make her get over the phase that she's in.  And I also agree with what PP said about getting down on her level and explaining it to her.  She's almost 2, she's old enough to understand.

    DD does this sometimes too, though maybe not quite to this extent.  DH will ask her for a hug or a kiss and she's say "no" and run over and hug me, or when he tries to help her, she yells "no Daddy" and pushes him away, stuff like that.  It breaks DH's heart a little, even though he obviously knows its just a phase, and when I'm not around, they have an absolute blast together. 
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  • BelhurstBrideBelhurstBride member
    It's just a phase. DD has gone back and forth between DH and I several times. We just roll with it.
    DD1 4.14.10
    DD2 8.22.13
    MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
    Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18

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  • memali26memali26 member
    Honestly, I think it's a normal stage a lot of kids go through. They have a greater attachment to their primary caregiver - in your home, it sounds like you are your DD's primary caregiver, so it makes sense she would prefer/feel safer with you. It's not that she's not attached to/doesn't feel safe with your DH, just that they probably haven't had the opportunity to build as strong of a relationship as you and your DD have. Try switching this up as to which parent does what for the kids, have DH spend time one-on-one with DD, and step back and let him care for her more often.

    My younger DD is just coming out of a phase like this - she loves her daddy but wanted nothing to do with him if I was anywhere nearby. She just had a stronger attachment to me because I am her primary caregiver. As a SAHM, I am with her the majority of the time, and because of DH's schedule he is only able to help with the girls a few evenings a week and weekends. DH didn't love being pushed away by his own daughter, but he understood and we just kept providing opportunities for him to care for her/spend time with her. We're coming out the other side of it now, and while she still prefers mommy, she will sometimes push me away or choose daddy over me. 


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