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Nanny adjustment

mariamariamariamaria member
in Working Moms
I started back to work on Monday after 15 weeks of maternity leave home with my baby and my 3.5 yr old. Our babysitter who watched my 3.5 yr old from the time he was a baby and who was going to take both kids had to quit unexpectedly when her husband got sick a few weeks ago. After several nanny interviews and daycare tours, we landed on a nanny. She is the daughter of someone I knew awhile ago, and has nanny experience. 

So she started on Monday and the first day was rough with the baby, but she seems to have gotten more comfortable with what he needs. However, my 3.5 yr old has been acting out more than usual and today she said he cried and threw tantrums all day. He definitely has his moments, but this isn't like him so I know it's an adjustment that he is going through and I think he's struggling with going from his previous babysitter who gave him 100% attention to sharing with his brother. What kind of bothered me was that she seemed a bit irritated by it, and talked about him to me almost like she thought he was being an annoying brat (which in reality he was, but he's 3!). She wasn't showing a nurturing side or demonstrating to me that she was trying to help him get through it. 

Anyway, for those of you with older kiddos can you share any tips for adjusting to a new nanny/daycare situation? Also, how long did it take for you (and your kids) to feel comfortable with it? I do like the nanny, but she's not as warm and nurturing and animated as his previous caretaker so that concerns me a bit since that's what he's used to. 

It's only been 3 days so I want to be realistic on adjustment period and I know it's not enough time to make a good assessment, but at the same time I want to think of plan B if we need to.

Thanks!
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Re: Nanny adjustment

  • SparkySharkySparkySharky member
    I generally try not to be negative in my responses, but I would really hate that after only 3 days, my nanny's patience was already so thin that she was already breaking down with me. This is still new to her, too, and she should still be trying to put on a good front for you. While it might be premature to think that she's beating him, I don't think it's premature to sit with her and chat about whether this is something she really wants to be doing.

    On the other hand, maybe she's the heart-on-her-sleeve type. That kind of drama turns me off, so I'd still have the chat. But if you can handle that type, maybe it's worth seeing if that's just her personality.
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  • mommymegan831mommymegan831 member
    why don't you talk to him about what's going on.  Is he in preschool or daycare at all?  It might be nice to get him involved in that atleast a few days, that way he gets to do something special rather than being stuck inside with a stranger who needs to tend to the needs of a little baby.  It's going to be difficult for them to bond because of the attention she needs to give your baby.  You could also pick up a few crafts or something he really likes to do for the 2 of them to do together while the baby sleeps.  Does she get out with them?  Is there a park they can walk to?  I'm a teacher so I'm home all summer with my 1 and 3 year old and by 10:00 the latest I have to be out of the house or all hell starts to break loose. 
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  • bethann3181bethann3181 member
    It took my DS (26 months at the time of the nanny switch, and he also had a new baby brother just added into the mix) about 4 months to really get settled in with our new nanny.  I know that's a long time, but with two big changes as you're describing, I would give it some time.


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  • Mrs.RockyMMrs.RockyM member

    DD2 was born in October, and I went back to work in January.  She continued to go to daycare while I was on maternity leave and had lots of behavior issues. Things slowly got better after I started up again, maybe 2 or so months after I was back at she started to adjust.  I think she missed the old routine and just had to get used to the new one.  Not only do you have a new routine and a new baby, but your LO had to get adjusted to the nanny too.

     

     

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  • virginiagirl11virginiagirl11 member
    As PPs said, it takes some time. We're going through a big adjustment period right now, too (new baby, new babysitter for baby, new daycare room for toddler, toddler going more often to daycare than he used to, and the toddler turned two, which is already difficult). The hardest thing for me, though, is to train a new babysitter after having been spoiled by a wonderful babysitter who knows the ins and outs of our family and whom we trust implicitly.

    Our new babysitter is a very nice person and is doing a good job of learning what we're teaching her about how to care for and "read" our baby, but I won't lie - I get extremely anxious every morning right before she arrives and it's time to hand over the baby. The anxiety goes away soon after I leave the room, but it takes my breath away and I have to work to stifle it when she's in the room so as not to totally alienate her. But it gets a little easier every day. I look forward to the day where I feel like she totally gets it in every way.

    That said, I have little tolerance for caregivers who demonstrate early on that they don't have the level of patience required to be a good childcare provider. Some people just don't belong in childcare regardless of how much they "think" they love children.
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  • sschwegesschwege member
    I used to be a nanny and now watch another baby in our home.  There is definitely an adjustment period as you well know and that first week is certainly the hardest.

    Maybe you could encourage her to take them somewhere.  Go for a walk, the park, the library, etc.  Might be good for all of them to get out of the house for a bit.  Do any of your other friends have nannies or are SAHMs that live close by?  Perhaps they could come over for a play-date.  I remember my first day for a family I used to work for, this sweet nanny and the boy she cared for came by and we all walked to the park.  It was helpful in two ways, first the boy I cared for was familiar with the nanny and the other boy, so he felt safe.  Plus it helped me by having another adult to talk to.  I remember her telling me the reason she came by was because the first days are always the hardest and reassured me that it gets easier.

    Perhaps the nanny is a keeper, maybe she's not.  But either way, you are probably stuck until you find someone else.  What about giving her something small at the end of the week as a thank you?  Maybe bring her a cupcake or a coffee?  Or if you can come home an hour early and let her go with pay.  I think this goes a long way.  The people I used to work with, would occasionally, maybe once a month, bring me an iced coffee from Dunkin Doughnuts.  Probably cost them $2, but it meant a lot to me that they thought of me and knew exactly how I liked my coffee.  

    Hang in there!
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