I'm really thinking I'm going to do IVF (and freeze) at HFI...

IBackBevo · August 2013

I've been having horrible anxiety lately about everything...not so much as the "Woah as me kind" but wondering if I'm dwindling away my final few months of fertility...wondering if I'm not making the right decision by not starting treatment...wondering if I will live to regret my decisions. In reality, I know I probably have more than a few months left, but still...on top of that, when I start researching all of the articles on FX-POI, I start reading all the symptoms of FXS (Fragile X Syndrome) and start seeing them in my son and then getting all paranoid about that...It is a really bad circle.

And, today, AF was maybe a half a day later than I expected it and I got all excited. Stupid, I know. I'm on so many supplements that making my LP 10 hours longer should be the least of what they are doing. Still, for maybe 2 hours this morning I was like, "Could I be pregnant?" Our timing was even good this month so this made me really hopeful. Then, of course, I wasn't...and I felt stupid for even thinking it.

I have been looking into mini ivf or low stim ivf, but anywhere that specializes in it, is reputable and will take me as a patient would require travel and I think that ultimately whatever I would save in terms of money would be eaten up in travel expenses and lost income for my DH (he doesn't make $ if he is in NJ or CA or wherever)...plus there is the PITA factor of trying to cycle out-of-town, too. The only thing I would really like to do is have a consult with Check out of Cooper because I feel like he really does have a lot of expertise on my specific issues, but then when I start even thinking about how much that would cost since he doesn't do telephone consults (I would have to fly up there, get a hotel, rent a car, take time off of work, if DH came there would be the same problem with lost income, etc.), it doesn't seem reasonable to do if I probably would not cycle with him.

Just wanted to share my thoughts. If I do plow ahead, any advice on anything I should do to prepare? I'm on a number of supplements already. I guess I should completely give up caffeine and alcohol for the next couple of months to prepare, but I sort of doubt that will happen. I think limiting my quantity is probably the best I'm going to manage until I actually start on the meds. I have been successful in loosing some weight, though, and been really good about getting in some exercise. I'm thinking October-November would be a good time frame. I really don't want to be cycling in December with all of the holiday parties. Ugh. That would suck to have to refrain from alcohol then. And I have an out-of-town case gearing up in the new year so I need to get it in before then because cycling and trying to travel to depositions would not work well at all.

IBackBevo · August 2013

Thanks, Nikki! Glad to see another FX person on here. I think there are a couple of us lurking around.

kmc84 · August 2013

Wishing you luck! I hope you can figure out the possible arrangement for you and your situation. It sucks that trying for a baby needs to ever have this much forethought

Saraevh · August 2013

I don't have any advice but maybe this will help put your mind at ease knowing that should your fertility end sooner than later, you've got some kids on ice! Good luck.

CarrieB. · August 2013

Good luck!

Mrs.AmyDylan · August 2013

You have clearly put a lot of thought into doing an IVF freeze cycle. It sounds like from everything you have researched, planned, and where your fertility is thus far, you would be truly crushed if you didn't try it now (and didn't have success in the future).

Sometimes just having a plan and feeling like you are making positive progress instead of waiting and waiting is enough to help with the anxiety. I think you would possibily be resentful of your hubby later on since he isn't ready for #2. If you cycle and freeze, you can wait until you are both ready.

IF is an evil bitch. Fx for you and hope you feel good about your decision either way.

Dragonfly1226 · August 2013

I think that you have thought this out and it sounds like the right decision for you. Throughout my IF journey I have said that I never wanted to be able to look back and ask what if. If you didn't go ahead with a freeze cycle it sounds like you would be opening the door to ask what if someday so I say go for it!

jmorta04 · August 2013

Sending you lots of luck with whatever you decide!

MoFree · August 2013

Dragonfly1226 said:

I think that you have thought this out and it sounds like the right decision for you. Throughout my IF journey I have said that I never wanted to be able to look back and ask what if. If you didn't go ahead with a freeze cycle it sounds like you would be opening the door to ask what if someday so I say go for it!
. My thoughts, but much more articulately expressed.

IBackBevo · August 2013

Thanks everyone! My fear is having regret down the road. Dh and I were talking last night. The worst thing that happens is we spend some money and do this when we don't need to. ..well, that is not the worst thing. I suppose getting nothing would be worse. But even that would tell us something. But my point is that if we do this and it turns out we didn't need to, the only thing we have lost is money. But if we don't, we could lose the chance at another bio child. Plus, even though it is a lot of money, as he pointed out, we have spent more than that on vet bills over the years easily (we had one with cancer and another who had his spleen rupture and another who impailed herself on a fence) and they were just dogs.

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