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Courage to file when things are going"ok"

SigirSigir member
in Blended Families
I have to file my papers thursday. I don't have any doubt I am doing the right thing for my dc, my other babies and the community... But when I think about the shitstorm I am about to unleash it gives me pause. Right now we are going through a period of calm... At 6 mo pregnant, I dread re- entering the world of nasty emails and general uneasiness and fear of the unknown waiting for cross motions, etc.

I am not letting that stop me, but just had to get it out there. Here we go again!
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Re: Courage to file when things are going"ok"

  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    I know it sucks "stirring the pot" when things seem to be going so well.  But as you said, this is something that needs to be done.

    Sending positive thoughts and energy your way!!
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    Maybe try to look at it like this--things may be calm, but they aren't okay. You are unhappy with something you were bullied into, and now you want to speak up and change it. It's not okay when you don't feel like you can do the best thing for your kiddo.

    You're doing the right thing here!


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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    It sucks to feel like you are stirring the pot when things aren't bad, but they aren't necessarily good either. If we have to do something that will change the flow and we think it might have a negative impact, we just remind ourselves that the 'truce' is so tenuous that it will change at any moment anyway. It might as well be for something you feel strongly about and is truly in the best interest of your DC.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • twister22twister22 member
    T&Ps your way! I know what you mean about stirring the pot - there are things that need to be addressed with BD right now, but I can't bring myself to do so.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    So good for you for doing the right thing!
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  • WahooWahoo member
    Things are not really ok. Your ex is not outright acting like a jerk but your DD is not safe and you are uncomfortable with the choices you have gone along with. That is "peace at any price" - and the price is your DD's well being. You are being strong to stand up for your daughter!
    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • new+tothisnew+tothis member
    If it needs to be done, it needs to be done. Try not to worry about the fallout even though it's hard. BD filed against me for custody and support last year. We are still going through things now. I expected it to be a total sh!tstorm with nasty e-mails and aggressive behavior. It hasn't been that way at all. Really, we've actually been working together a little better than we have in the past. So maybe there's hope? I don't know your back story though.

    Oh and as the person being served I thought it was stupid (because, well, it is) but it hasn't changed my behavior or feelings about BD or his relationship with DS. He's still a good dad in most ways. I don't hold it against him.
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  • SigirSigir member
    Thanks everyone for the support.  I am finding myself getting major anxiety today over this.  Like, big time... I have not felt this way in a long time.  I have to schedule business travel for September and am wondering if he is going to give me a hard time about it, etc... that is what I am stressing about now.  I feel nauseous.

    I guess I just have to send the paperwork, and be done with it... and then do something nice for myself tonight!  You are all right, things may seem surface "ok" right now, but like you said @Lavender P, if the truce is that delicate it can shift w the wind.  I also have to remember I am doing this for my LOs, and be strong for them.  

    I hate anxiety!
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  • MsDragonflyMsDragonfly member
    I so know how you feel. Never doubt yourself when you know you are doing what is best for your LOs. And remember, cause I am currently learning this, if you do not show any reaction to your ex's rants, emails etc, he has nothing to feed off of and the fire won't be able to burn as hot. I do wish you lots of luck and strength to get through this.
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