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September 2013 Moms
Zoly1103
member
A depressing WWYD
Zoly1103
member
My dad is officially losing his battle with cancer. He's been fighting for two years but at this point, he has exhausted all treatment options and the cancer has become aggressive and is spreading quickly. Last week his blood pressure got dangerously low along with a few other issues and we honestly thought we were going to lose him then. He is much more stable now and at this point the plan is just to manage the pain and we are moving him to a nursing facility since he needs around the clock care.
The dilemma is that we don't really know how long we have left with him. I spoke with my OB this week just to see if she had any suggestions for managing the stress and making sure it doesn't affect the baby. She said that the baby would be fine and is well protected but she also said that she would be willing to consider an induction at 39 weeks. This is something that we can't really decide until it gets closer to that time because anything can happen with my dad between now and then. I have to admit though, I'm a little reluctant just because while I am pretty open to all interventions I still wanted to see how things happened on their own. But I really want my dad to be able to meet our little one. We went through this process last year with my mom so I'm kind of aware of the warning signs that the body is shutting down, but each person is different so it could happen at a slower or faster rate.
So would you consider an induction in this situation? I know this is something my husband and I have to actually decide ourselves but I could use some clear heads to talk through this.
The dilemma is that we don't really know how long we have left with him. I spoke with my OB this week just to see if she had any suggestions for managing the stress and making sure it doesn't affect the baby. She said that the baby would be fine and is well protected but she also said that she would be willing to consider an induction at 39 weeks. This is something that we can't really decide until it gets closer to that time because anything can happen with my dad between now and then. I have to admit though, I'm a little reluctant just because while I am pretty open to all interventions I still wanted to see how things happened on their own. But I really want my dad to be able to meet our little one. We went through this process last year with my mom so I'm kind of aware of the warning signs that the body is shutting down, but each person is different so it could happen at a slower or faster rate.
So would you consider an induction in this situation? I know this is something my husband and I have to actually decide ourselves but I could use some clear heads to talk through this.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A depressing WWYD
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
DST T4L
Son is 10 yrs old
Daughter is 8 yrs old
Son is Due Sept 18, 2013
I would play it by ear. See how you're doing, how your dad is, how the baby is, and what they think they can do for you that's safe. I wouldn't try to make the decision too far in advance.
Could you go to an elective u/s place and bring your dad with you? Then he could at least see the baby? I know that's not a huge consolation, but it could be a bonding experience for you.
Also, I find that people sometimes find a miraculous way of holding on to life when they know something exciting is going to happen. Maybe his health will surprise you.
Lots of good thoughts to you and your family on this one.
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I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I found out my dad had bladder cancer a week after finding out I was pregnant. It really has made me cherish the time that I have with him and I hope that he will get to spend some time with his grandson.
I think that if I was in your position I would consider having the induction, but at the same time I would have to consider the wellbeing of myself and the baby and ask myself if the baby and I would be able to handle the stress of inducing early AND dealing with my father's illness. I think I would end up ultimately playing it by ear and waiting it out to make a decision because situations can change (baby can come early on its own, father's health can improve) and would take this time to attempt to relax for the rest of my pregnancy.
I think that sometimes, though we can try to control a situation the best that we can, we have to sit back and accept that the outcome isn't in our hands anymore and hope for the best. I'm sending good thoughts your way, and I wish the best for you and your family.
Family is everything. My grandpa died when dd2 was 10 days old, and even though he was so very out of it, he smiled every time we went to the nursing home and told him that my girls were there. Now, dd2 is 2.5, and even though she obviously doesn't remember him, she likes to see pictures of her as a baby with Gros Papa (German for grandpa)
daughter born 9.27.13
To answer a couple of questions, my doctor did offer to do another ultrasound. Which actually made me smile because when I showed my dad my 20 week ultrasound pictures he asked me "Ok, so what am I looking at?". He definitely would not be able to be there as his mobility, mostly due to pain is the biggest issue. One of the tumors is on his back/spine so it is causing a lot of pain whenever he gets moved. But ultimately I don't think this is something that would matter as much to him.
Also complicating things slightly is that we are team green. I've thought about getting an envelope for him with what we are having (we did the Mat21 test) so that he will know, but he is determined to make it to the birth and I'm afraid that it would upset him more to treat him as if he won't be here.
We definitely plan to play it by ear though. He is not going to get better, but there is a chance that he will hold on. I honestly don't think we will even make a decision until we get closer to that date but we are thinking about it now. Thank you again for your responses. I will keep you posted.
First, I lean quite far to the med free side of things and am not very open to interventions that are not eliminating immediate dangers for myself and my babies. BUT, in this circumstance I would consider an induction heavily. 39 weeks is not considered early in regards to development of baby. I personally would also want my father to meet my baby. It would give me a huge sense of joy in such a dark situation. I understand wanting to know how things would go naturally, but for me, that can always be experienced with another child. I would take advantage of the opportunity I have in front of me, which would be giving my Dad the joy of meeting their grandbaby.
I really wish you peace with whichever choice you make. I cannot fathom the pain and stress you must be living with. Hugs.
Personally, I would not consider induction.. You don't know if your Dad is going to hang on until your 39 weeks and if he doesn't you may want that extra time to grieve before dealing with you LO on the outside. On the chance that he does he probably will be very ill and won't be able to come see you in the hospital.
In the end, you have to do what you and your family decides what is best. I definitely understand you wanting your LO to meet your Dad before he passes. This is a very difficult decision and I am sorry you have to make it.