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3yo talking back

izziebeeizziebee member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
I am at the end of my rope.... DS1, who is 3 1/2 is constantly talking back to DH & I.
For example, at dinner he might drop his fork on the floor and won't pick it up. When I (nicely) ask him to pick it up he automatically yells at me to pick it up.
Or I'll tell him he needs to go potty before we leave for daycare and he'll yell no and it turns into a big crying/yelling fest for him.
Even simple things like him wanting a cup of milk, rather than ask nicely for one he'll instantly go into yelling/demanding mode.
We are constantly reinforcing the idea that he needs to talk calmly, quietly and politely saying please and thank you.

Don't get me wrong, it's not ALL the time but it does happen a lot, this morning it was one thing after another. I was so happy to finally drop him off at daycare at which time of course he wouldn't stop hugging me and didn't want me to leave.
Other than these moments, the kid is very mild mannered. His daycare teachers all tell us how polite and good he is. It's as if he walks into our house and the evil spawn comes out!

Has anyone else had this issue? Do you have any advice?
I'm HOPING that this is one of those 3 year old phases that he's going through and that he'll grown out of it soon... please tell me he will!
Thanks!
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Re: 3yo talking back

  • wilabethwilabeth member

    My 2.5 year old is starting to talk back and say "don't want to" or "no." Sometimes he'll even say "no thank you" when I ask him to pick up his toys or the dropped fork, etc. (The no thank you always makes me chuckle inside)

    Everything I've heard is to try to offer them choices (which is hard when you need to pick up a fork), but with toys I'll try to switch it to "Parker, I need you to pick up your trains OR your legos." THen when he picks up whichever he chose, we give him another 2 choices. Ok now legos or blanket."  Same thing about going to potty - It's time to potty or put on your shoes. Sometimes, it's switching up the order of his morning that he embraces. And ultimately if he fits going to the potty before we leave, I don't force him.

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  • sschwegesschwege member
    I'm all about picking my battles at this age, so definitely before you even start ask yourself if it's worth the fight.  If not then just ignore and move one.

    For the fork thing I would probably just ignore.  But if it's important that he pick it up I would offer a choice as pp said, "Either you pick up the fork and keep it, or mama picks up the fork and keeps it."  No more arguments or reminders, quietly look at him for 10 seconds (count in your head), if he doesn't make the choice you do, pick up the fork and don't give it back until the next meal.

    For the milk thing, we use the simple statement that I stole from someone on here, "Try again", keep saying it until he asks in an appropriate way.  

    I've thrown up my hands about the whole potty thing.  I carry a change of clothes and a small portable potty.  It was just turning into a fight and the reality is, you can't make them go.

    So I guess, choices, ignoring, natural consequences (you don't wear your coat in the winter, fine see how far you can get without it), and the magical phrase, "Try Again"
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  • Jules122907Jules122907 member
    We ignore any request that is made in a rude or whiny voice. I simply reply "when you use a nice voice" and then don't reply or discuss the topic until it is asked nicely with please.
    As far as picking up toys or going bathroom we give choices. "You can either pick up your animals or your tractors" "if you try and potty before we leave you can pick the music in the car or mommy gets to pick."
    Continued rude talk or yelling back is an automatic trip to his room until he is ready to talk nicely.

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  • erbearerbear member
    Welcome to the throat slitting threes. Followed by the fvcking fours. Le sigh.

    I hear 5 is great.
    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
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  • izziebeeizziebee member
    erbear said:
    Welcome to the throat slitting threes. Followed by the fvcking fours. Le sigh.

    I hear 5 is great.
    oh goody! And to think I have another one coming up behind... thank God for wine!

    Thank you to all of your for your advice and reassurance that this isn't just my kid that does this. I do try to pick my battles/offer choices/timeouts.. I just really hate this phase!  Although, I have to mention, last night the kid was an angel... go figure!
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