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September 2013 Moms
jilliancroteau
member
Moving on
jilliancroteau
member
After my husband telling me last week he wants a divorce after calling him out on our phone records a number always being called... I now find out this week they are dating and she is staying in our house now. I have made the decision he is not allowed in the delivery room at all. If he can walk away from me and his daughter he doesn't deserve to be in there. I will have my mom sister in law and brothers g/f instead. He also thinks at 2 weeks old he will just come and take her for the day... Life is a little stressful right now 
Baby#1due
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Moving on
As PPs have said, definitely contact a lawyer to know your rights in advance of making any agreements with him.
((hugs)) I've been through a divorce from a cheating husband, so I can relate to how you're feeling. I STRONGLY urge you to have a consulation with a lawyer ASAP so you know your rights when it comes to having a child with an estranged spouse who wants a divorce, especially one who thinks he can take LO for a day a few weeks after birth. Since he's legally your husband he DOES have that LEGAL right unfortunately. I'm not saying you should let him by any means, but the legal right is his. Please meet with a lawyer.
As hard as it is, please try to focus on that LO of yours and not get too stressed. ((huge hugs))
Son is 10 yrs old
Daughter is 8 yrs old
Son is Due Sept 18, 2013
I also recommend checking out the Starting Over board on the spin-off board from TN:
https://pandce.****/board/41
My SN is the same over there if you want to mention I referred you. There's a poster on that board (achase123) who left her XH when she was 8 months pregnant because he was cheating -- her and all the other ladies are an amazing support system!
I agree it's definitely time to lawyer up!
While I agree with what @shanmarie said, I will mention there's a difference between keeping a man from his child and allowing him to spend time with his child that is age appropriate. There's a big difference between a NB and a 5 y/o. It's NBD for a 5 y/o to spend a day or weekend with their father, but is completely inappropriate for a NB to do so.
Most states don't even recommend overnight visitation until the child is at LEAST 12 months old. They encourage more frequent visits for shorter durations, such as 2-3 weekly visits for 2-3 hours at a time. As the child gets older the visits become less frequent for longer periods of time.
It's a 12-month guideline, not a law, and not only does the guideline vary from state to state, but also county to county within each state. For example, the county where my custody case is held has an 18-month guideline for overnight visits, and the county where I currently live has a 12-month guideline. It's not a hardfast law, but it's what judges go by if the parents cant agree in mediation.
My DS was 8 months old when XH left and we agreed to EOWE overnight visits and didn't think twice. DS was a good baby, I semi-trusted my XH and it worked best for our family and situation. Some would say that 8 months is too early for a baby to be away from his primary caregiver for 2 overnights in a row, but it worked for us. I'm pretty sure DS isn't scarred from it
It's all about what the parents agree on and/or a judge sees as appropriate. And yes, I've heard of several cases where the mom has to send bottles of BM for the infant. BFing isn't a guarantee that the LO has to stay with the mom the majority of the time.
OP...I still stand by my statment of seeking the advice of an attorney. Your H has a right to have a relationship with his child, but only one that is age appropriate. Seeing a counselor is a good idea as well. ((hugs))
And kick that hussy out of your house. He's married and he doesn't get to do this to his 8 month pregnant wife. He can ask for a divorce but he doesn't get to take the house and start living with a new woman while you're pregnant and scrambling to figure this out. Have family or friends stay with you there if you need to. He cheated on you and is divorcing you but you don't have to let him railroad you. Take care of yourself and make sure you get everything that's coming to you, for you and your daughter.
I can't imagine how you must feel. It is probably something that will take a while to work through and I hope and pray that you get the closure and support that you need.
I will say that I mostly agree with shanmarie. My god daughter has struggled because her father is not in the picture. She is now 13 yo and is interested in the wrong boys - boys like her father(I know she shouldn't be interested in boys). Although her father cheated on my friend many times and is a manipulative liar my friend never speaks poorly of the turd who is basically a donor no matter how hard it is at times. My god daughter knows the type of person her dad is (although she struggles with still needing his love and approval).
Anyway, all that was just to show the other side of the coin. No matter how terrible your H has been to you he can still love your daughter. He should work with you and be flexible. If you plan on breast feeding I would suggest you work out times for him to see your daughter when it works for you and your daughter's schedule.
As far as visitation, my daughters biological father was not legally allowed to have visitation outside of my home until she was 2, but the number of days allowed wasn't limited. He wasn't allowed to have her over night until she was 3. The court also mandated that overnight guests only be relatives for both of us and that he pick her up and return her to my parents house to avoid confrontation. He did ok for about a year. Then he stopped calling and stopped showing up. He hasn't seen her in 9 years as of this month, actually.
Not sure where you live, but I'd also like to add that someone being your husband doesn't give him any legal right here in Texas, a man has to acknowledge paternity. Our birth certificate system is kind of funny and the name that appears there is really up to you.