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Therapy updates

fellesferiefellesferie member
in Blended Families
Over the summer, DS was dx'd with ADHD. Along with taking medication, we've scheduled a dozen sessions with the child dev/neuro psychologist who dx'd him. It's mostly parenting lessons. How to handle smartassedness and when to use natural consequences vs time outs. Some of it is ADHD-specific, but most of it (at this point) isn't. 

XH is paying half the cost of the sessions. I think that if he's paying for it, he should be able to benefit from what's discussed. Since so much of it is general parenting practices, he could (if he actually parented) employ some of the practices himself. 

He'd been verbally supportive of this, but while DS was in CA he did not give him his medication. He has not asked for any updates, and has in fact not acknowledged the last couple I sent. 

This communication issue is hard for me. I like a LOT of communication, so I tend to default to what I would want someone to do for me. And so many SMs here complain about being left out things. But I also don't have so much time that I'm willing to waste it on words that amount to a one-sided conversation. What would you ladies do?
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Re: Therapy updates

  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Stop being detailed. Tell him when the appointments are and for him to text you asking for details after each appointment if he wants updates. And that unless you hear from him after the appointment don't update him. Just tell him going forward you will only update with bigger changes like a new DX or medication change.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    That sounds like a good compromise. I'll get the list of dates together and email him.


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    Erin's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
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  • fellesferiefellesferie member
    That's probably most of it. We split when DS was 18 months, and so he has quite literally never been there of any school stuff. Even when we were together, he only took DS to daycare one time.

    I was not happy about the medication issue. It would have been one thing if it was earlier in the summer, but they really messed him up right before school started. They sent home an exhausted kid who a) had an earache, b) was used to staying up until midnight pacific time, and c) was off the meds we'd spent the last month getting him accustomed to. I got him home at 9pm on a Tuesday and school started at 8am Thursday. 

    None of them (XH, gf, xMIL & xFIL) cared at all how their bad decisions affected DS. 
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    Want to know what I would do?

    I would start emailing him the updates.  Make it a bulleted.  Stay as clinical as possible, with detailing the professional observations and recommendations. Highlight any changes, positive and negative you notice along with the changes you have done.  Then always add the doctors names/contact information and let him know that he is free to call them if he has any additional questions. 

    You are doing this because:

    1) it will help you track/monitor your son's progress for yourself.  
    2) It will help you track/montior your Exs understanding of and even implementation of your son's care and progress
    3) it will cover your ass when it comes to things like your Ex not giving him his meds.  Using this example, had you provided him the Doctors dx, then weekly updates on DS adapting to the meds (sleeping through the night, better cognitive skills, ability to handle emotional issues etc) in a written / clinical form his asshole move and results can then be tracked clinically.  

    So when you contact him and the lawyer regarding the meds you can provide clear documentation of his NEGLECT.  He cannot say he doesnt remember.  He cannot say that he was not told of the improvements.  

    I know that it sounds like a lot of work.  We were told to do this by the court approved therapist to help us when we took SS OFF of his psychotropic drugs so we could use it against her if she tried to take SS back.  Mind you, he did not get better off the drugs, but he did not get worse. 
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