I feel like I want to give up

KC1212 · August 2013

I do this like every other day, I turn to DH and go

"Why do we even bother, why?"

I mean I feel like I am running a race up a mountain with no end in sight. And I keep having to pick myself back up so-to-speak and tell myself to keep running so-to-speak.

When I really just want to give it up and drink some tequila (I'm joking)

And to top it off, I am sooo tired I feel like I'm dragging butt.

And then I think to myself well, maybe....

And then I have to slam the door on those thoughts lest I find myself in the maternity clothes aisle with a pillow under my shirt whilst eating chicken (I'm kidding again).

So then I pick myself back up (mentally) and start the endless race again. It's too early for a "break". Guess I'm just still tired from the first 4 crappy years of IF that I'm afraid to serve my time again for another 4 year sentence.

KC1212 · August 2013

I just re-read this and it sounds awful. Like, seriously, sorry to drain your bucket.

It's probably all pms (ugh) I decided I'm going to go treat me and DS to some junk food or ice cream somewhere.

freakyfast · August 2013

KC1212 said:

I just re-read this and it sounds awful. Like, seriously, sorry to drain your bucket. It's probably all pms (ugh) I decided I'm going to go treat me and DS to some junk food or ice cream somewhere.

Do you have a cold stone nearby? Yum! Or just get a whole ice cream cake and eat it!

Don't worry about it, that is what we are here for. To vent, and write stuff that you can't say to people in your life. No judging from me. I just hope you feel better and your dreams become reality. (I hope that for everyone here!)

KC1212 · August 2013

COLD STONE- yes!! Thanks!

I gotta pack more wipes and extra clothes (for the kid not me) lol then I am so headed there.

Plus it will make DH jealous muahhahaha!

roughkat · August 2013

I'm drained and I didn't go through anything like what you did the first time around. I can't imagine coming into this with that as my experience. Of course you feel sad and hopeless! And if you can't talk about it on here, where can you talk about it?

I'm more of a salty snacks person myself, but I can see how Cold Stone would do in a pinch!

MJC1116 · August 2013

Coldstones SOUNDS SO GOOD right now!! I have one 5 minutes away -- dang it -- DD is sleeping. I may have to make a trip after she wakes up. @roughcat, you can get a salty/sweet treat from Coldstones!

Mmmm, salty caramel and chocolate. So good!!

KC, your post sounds EXACTLY like how I feel/think all the time. It's hard not to get so down and feel it's worthless and all for nothing, and I'm sure it's even worse since you spent a long time ttc your DS. For me, it feels like there's no end in sight. If God could just whisper in my ear "Hey, you'll be pregnant (insert date -- it doesn't even matter when)", I'd relax! But right now it feels like I'm journeying down a long, dark hallway trying to find a door to get out.

I said this in another post. I'm starting to visualize that my baby is out "there". I'm not quite sure where "there" is, and truthfully it doesn't matter, but I know that both my baby and I are taking steps towards each other. Each test, each injection, each showing of AF is really a step towards my baby and that we'll be together at some point.

Eat your ice cream and enjoy EVERY bite!!

Momarazzi007 · August 2013

I totally get that!!! Spent six years first time before we finally had dd!!! I don't have another 6 years (logically I guess I do, but in my heart...) that is why I am totally just letting go right now. I think we all have our limits, I hit mine but have a plan. Do you and your husband have a long term plan? Like we try for x # months. Try recommended treatment and then A. B. C. ...for us that is FET, if that fails, try to be surrogate and hope to get money we need too in a few years and then try fresh cycle IVF. Then if that and FETs from that retrieval don't work, we are done. It's going to be a long few years, but I am at peace bc I know the worst case scenario, if and when we get there we will have given it our all. I think that helps. A month ago I was so lost and devastated! I hope you guys get your happiness soon, try not to give up. Hugs!!!

freakyfast · August 2013

This may sound gross but I absolutely promise you it is not. (I am normally a salty snack person too, but I love ice cream so...)

Get chocolate ice cream, (I have only used it with chocolate) and pop some popcorn add some butter and salt if needed and then put your popcorn in your ice cream. YUMMY! It is soo good.

KC1212 · August 2013

@Mommarazzi007

The plan keeps changing LOL. First it was try aggressively with just timed intercourse and good diet,etc. for a year.

Then it went from a year to Christmas.

Then it went from Christmas to January.

But we been having unprotected sex and not breastfeeding for a year now.

DH argues that doesn't matter because we weren't trying around fertile times, etc.

So I don't know.

MJC1116 · August 2013

freakyfast said:

This may sound gross but I absolutely promise you it is not. (I am normally a salty snack person too, but I love ice cream so...)

Get chocolate ice cream, (I have only used it with chocolate) and pop some popcorn add some butter and salt if needed and then put your popcorn in your ice cream. YUMMY! It is soo good.

O...M...G... This sounds SOOOOOOOOOOO good!!!!!

freakyfast · August 2013

MJC1116 said:

freakyfast said:

This may sound gross but I absolutely promise you it is not. (I am normally a salty snack person too, but I love ice cream so...)

Get chocolate ice cream, (I have only used it with chocolate) and pop some popcorn add some butter and salt if needed and then put your popcorn in your ice cream. YUMMY! It is soo good.

O...M...G... This sounds SOOOOOOOOOOO good!!!!!

Try it I promise you will not be disappointed. I like to mix my popcorn in the ice cream. My father who gave this to me as a child just drops his on top. No matter how you like it, it's wonderful.

Momarazzi007 · August 2013

Freakyfast... That sounds awesome!
MJC- ugh- I get that. We kind of did the hokey pokey with our timetable too. It is hard to settle on one bc everything impacts it. Do you chart? My hubby tried to say he didn't think we were trying at right time but I shut that down w showing him seven months if data on my app lol (not that your guy is doing that- mine just was hoping I think w mfi we could blame timing- but I just couldn't waste time to give a few more months that historically and statistically wouldn't matter- I'm not cold, just seven years if combined TTC does that to you). Next AF (that hopefully doesn't come) drink some nice wine (I can't say tequila- that is icky to me lol) and give yourself a night off if more than that is unbearable (I get that too!!!) eat some chocolate ice cream and popcorn ( hmmm reminds me of frosty and fries from Wendy's... Hmmm now I'm hungry...) and relax for one night. Sometimes that is all we can do while we are stuck in this limbo

KC1212 · August 2013

I plan to start charting again if this cycle fails.

roughkat · August 2013

freakyfast said:

MJC1116 said:

freakyfast said:

This may sound gross but I absolutely promise you it is not. (I am normally a salty snack person too, but I love ice cream so...)

Get chocolate ice cream, (I have only used it with chocolate) and pop some popcorn add some butter and salt if needed and then put your popcorn in your ice cream. YUMMY! It is soo good.

O...M...G... This sounds SOOOOOOOOOOO good!!!!!

Try it I promise you will not be disappointed. I like to mix my popcorn in the ice cream. My father who gave this to me as a child just drops his on top. No matter how you like it, it's wonderful.

Is it ok to say that I'm not an ice cream fan? Or will that get me banned?

Honestly, the best salty/sweet snack I've ever had has been hand-dipped chocolate covered potato chips. I know it might sound gross, but seriously, they are amazing. So find yourself a chocolate covered salty snack, and that's my professional advice!

Sweetest116 · August 2013

::hugs::

Feel anyway you want to feel. We all have our less than stellar moments. We all have our less than hopeful moments. It's ok.

I know for a fact that junk food and bad TV help supress this... add in a pedicure and you're on the way to feeling like a new woman!

KC1212 · August 2013

I'll have to wait a few weeks. I just had a manicure, pedicure, and eyebrow wax the last time I was feeling crappy.

Maybe this time I'll go the hair salon

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