Visitors after baby

Brenns2711 · August 2013

Just wondering if everyone is planning on having lots of visitors at the hospital and at home or if you are going to try to limit them . Also, what's a nice way to tell people you love you want them to leave if they are hanging out too long cause I could see my FIL and MIL expecting me to provide meals snd entertain while they hold my baby for hours and hours. My own family i can be upfront with without worrying about them getting mad but I don't want to hurt feelings or seem like a brat to his side .My husband is such a nice guy he never tells people no so he won't be much help.

notkateanymore · August 2013

Didn't you post the same questions like a week ago?

Brenns2711 · August 2013

@KateMW-Ha similar that was about family in room during labor ... This is the only thing I'm freaking out about cause they have no boundaries ...and kinda ignore my requests.

Brenns2711 · August 2013

Plus it turned into an argument about dads not being man enough if they wanted their moms in room or something stupid like that ...

Ansleyturner · August 2013

I am worried about the same thing.. I think my family will be reasonable or ill just tell them to leave me alone but DF's on the other hand is a different story.. He has a HUGE family and when something big happens they all flock. Anyway he's already stated he's not worried about it because he knows ill be straight forward, but I'm still nervous about hurting people's feelings.. I guess they'll just have to get over it. Lol

Skylight21 · August 2013

Luckily I live 1400km's away from all my family but my mom is flying out to be with me. I won't have a problem of to many visitors, when I go back to see family baby will be about 2-3 weeks old so I will be mostly recovered... Hopefully anyway

sonrisa · August 2013

I wasn't able to walk for a month last time so no one expects that I'll be entertaining post partuum.

Islandgirl1129 · August 2013

Have your husband talk to them ahead of time he should handle this not depend on you to, if all else fails he can email them this....
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1173237

ScarlettV · August 2013

I think you will want to set expectations way ahead of time so the fam knows what they are in for. That way you can be gentle about it, but firm. For instance maybe set a specific day that visitors will be allowed.

KFED103 · August 2013

What's wrong with them coming over to bring you a meal? They can visit the baby while you lie down for a while. When it's time to go its time to go. Let them know it will be a short visit. (Let your H tell them). Sounds good to me. If your MIL wants to come over and help you put in a few loads of laundry...awesome, even better!

sportsmomma · August 2013

Really only immediate family will come due to where we live. My family stays with us because they live 3 hours away. DH's family is always welcome to visit but never stayed long because it made them uncomfortable and irritated I was nursing [in another room mind you] and I think it sort of made everyone cringe how I'd have to get up and sit down due to third degree tear and "severe road rash" as the doctor so pleasantly called it.

kittyh8r · August 2013

In March my SIL has a baby. When we went to visit her in the hospital, there was about 15 people in her room, wanting to hold the baby. I told H that, that isn't happening for us. I don't mind H's siblings, but not their children. I know my 5 yr old niece, and I don't want her there to throw a fit. My SIL is also known for bringing her and wanting her daughter to hold the newborn. Nope. Not happening. When we go home, people will be welcome, but they definitely need to make arrangements before coming over. We will also limit people coming over. There will be too much adjusting for all of us. Most of my IL's will be helpful though...some won't.

KFiori1 · August 2013

We've always had a lot of visitors at the hospital and once we come home(usually not all at once). It doesn't bother me at all.

EmJacks0n · August 2013

Islandgirl1129 said:
Have your husband talk to them ahead of time he should handle this not depend on you to, if all else fails he can email them this....
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1173237

Just sent this to my husband via text that said
"Perhaps we should send this to your family since they haven't had a baby around in a long time

EmJacks0n · August 2013

Why did it cut the rest of my post off?! It said, his response, 'Agreed'. Thank you!

MelAnnDi · August 2013

Brenns2711 said:
Plus it turned into an argument about dads not being man enough if they wanted their moms in room or something stupid like that ...

Funny... My MIL is like this and is still fighting with one SIL beause she wasn't allowed in the room during labor. I'm a blunt person, so I told her not to even expect to be in the room. Only DH.

As for your DH being a man... Tell her when her son pushes a baby from his pee hole he can make the decisions as to what kind of company he is up for having. He is respecting your wishes and I can't believe they would question his manliness.

m88bloom · August 2013

I would expect everyone to come see baby before we leave the hospital and maybe a few stragglers at the house for up to a week after but that's all. I fortunately don't have to worry about his side they aren't around much and my side is very understanding when it comes to needing rest and not overstaying their welcome.

If I were you I would have this talk with DH and make a plan if this situation should arise.

swirl25 · August 2013

ScarlettV said:
I think you will want to set expectations way ahead of time so the fam knows what they are in for. That way you can be gentle about it, but firm. For instance maybe set a specific day that visitors will be allowed.

This. I informed my family months ago that everyone is welcome at our place for Christmas as usual, but I will NOT be cooking or formally entertaining. I just won't be up for it after having given birth less than a week prior. We're basically going to do a potluck dinner, with my mom in charge of organizing the food with everyone else. I'm just providing a gathering place.

chemily8 · August 2013

I will have my mom cone at first and stay for a week then MIL then SIL. You will be happy for the help! At least I was. You are going to be so exhausted. When you are not constantly feeding the baby, especially if you plan to nurse, you will want sleep! And baby won't always be on the same page so it will be nice to have someone to hold baby. And cook and clean! You will have tons of nighttime quality time with baby while everyone else is asleep. Lol

NJMom050911 · August 2013

I didn't have too many people come visit all at the same time. When we did have vistitors it was a nice little break to talk to adults and to have someone else hold the baby for a minute. I'm more worried about it being winter and cold and flu season.

cammyisagirlsname · August 2013

My cousin lives in Florida and I live in CT. She already asked if she could come up here for a couple of weeks at the end of December/beginning of January because she'll be on winter break and can't come up in October for my shower. I told her she cannot stay with me! I will have a newborn and the only visitors I want are my mom, dad and brother who live in the same town as me and can go home after they visit. I am not playing hotel right after I have my baby. My cousin was annoyed and my aunt made a stink about my decision to my mother saying my cousin could help me out. Ummmmmmmm no. My cousin is young and as nice as that is, I really don't think she wants to come up to "help". I think she wants to come up to hold my baby for a couple of weeks. And hang out.

bethLenell · August 2013

KFED103 said:

What's wrong with them coming over to bring you a meal? They can visit the baby while you lie down for a while. When it's time to go its time to go. Let them know it will be a short visit. (Let your H tell them). Sounds good to me. If your MIL wants to come over and help you put in a few loads of laundry...awesome, even better!

I read it as the IL's expecting her to provide the meals to them. I would be totally cool with people coming over with food, and then doing some housework for me!

caseybeth1213 · August 2013

I am in the same dilemma with visitors. I am so worried about it being cold/flu season! I don't want my nieces, nephews, or my aunts 4 kids all begging to hold the baby! I think my hospital has a policy on visitors, so I would check into that if I was you!

KFED103 · August 2013

bethLenell said:

KFED103 said:

What's wrong with them coming over to bring you a meal? They can visit the baby while you lie down for a while. When it's time to go its time to go. Let them know it will be a short visit. (Let your H tell them). Sounds good to me. If your MIL wants to come over and help you put in a few loads of laundry...awesome, even better!

I read it as the IL's expecting her to provide the meals to them. I would be totally cool with people coming over with food, and then doing some housework for me!

Ah, reading fail. After rereading I now say that your husband needs to speak up and convey your wishes. Being a "nice guy" has nothing to do with speaking up

m88bloom · August 2013

I may be the only one but I'm not too worried about germs. One of my sisters was a little over the top IMP with the hand sanitizer and now her kids are sick all the time. It's like she never allowed them to build up any immunity's. I'm not saying anything goes but it'll be what it'll be.

Meynara · August 2013

I'm kind of not planning either way on how many visitors I'll have, either at the hospital or at home. Last time, my in-laws (being the only ones who visited aside from my mom) pretty much organized themselves into smaller groups and staggered themselves out without me asking/saying a thing. As for visiting at home after, they stagger themselves even more because we have a pretty small apartment. My mom will be visiting a lot for the first couple of weeks, as will my sister once high school is out for Christmas, and they both have been good at helping with DD and other things around the house, and the added bonus of they live within walking distance of us, so if nothing else I'll have help with keeping DD occupied and happy. I do have the added bonus of knowing my in-laws are all really good at getting the flu shot each year, so I don't have nearly as much worry about germs as I probably should.

hjweber · August 2013

m88bloom said:

I may be the only one but I'm not too worried about germs. One of my sisters was a little over the top IMP with the hand sanitizer and now her kids are sick all the time. It's like she never allowed them to build up any immunity's. I'm not saying anything goes but it'll be what it'll be.

I don't think it was the hand sanitizer than caused the low immunity...just sayin'.

MEP923 · August 2013

Just let them know ahead of time "we'd love to have you over today but I'm also really tired (or the baby's really cranky) so I don't know how long we'll last" then when you are ready for them to leave just say "well thank you for stopping by." It usually gets the point across.

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