MIL brainwashing DH

Mommy2Bee23 · August 2013

So my husband comes home last night after being at his mothers and starts insisting that I deliver at NYU...when he knows I want to use the birthing center at Roosevelt.

He never has opinions on these types of things, his mother does...last week he was fine with Roosevelt....today at my appt he told the Dr that we won't be coming back because we have to switch to someone affiliated with NYU.

She has also picked out our pediatrician (the one my husband used ages ago when he was a child) and decided that after my maternity leave I will drop the baby off at her house each morning.

TeacherVicky · August 2013

Whether or not this all stems from his visit with his mother, sounds like you two need to have a serious conversation so that he remembers that this isn't his mom's delivery or his mom's child.

krm112013 · August 2013

Agree with @wedding06

MamaHanna · August 2013

She sounds like Bunny McDougal from Sex and the City.

Tallulahsmom · August 2013

I think it is time that you remind your husband who is doing all of the work here! Let him know that when he grows a uterus, ovaries, and starts ovulating then he can make the choice of which hospital he would like to deliver at. Let him know that HIS input is important to you but that ultimately this decision will be made by you. My husband can be like this sometimes but never about issues pertaining to pregnancy or delivering. He understands that I am the one that will have to deal with all of the uncomfortable things that go along with delivery and it is my decision.

PrimRoseMama · August 2013

This is a HUSBAND problem. Sorry. Your husband needs to grow a pair and tell his mom to back off.

xtina1224 · August 2013

I think that you need to have a discussion with him about why he all of a sudden wants these things. If he can't tell you reasons other than "well my mom said..." That's the end of that conversation there. My husband has always had my back about anything baby related, no matter what anyone tried to say. I hope you get it sorted out.

Disneygeek77 · August 2013

Yeah, this is a husband problem. Focus on him, not her.

iverske9 · August 2013

Yeah it is your body and your baby...I would tell my husband to shut up and it is really up to me since I am pushing the baby out of MY VAGINA.

ktpaladino · August 2013

Tell your husband that he doesn't get to make decisions pertaining to delivery unless he is willing to squeeze a watermelon out of his penis as well.

RedPeppah · August 2013

Lay down the law sista!

rowanthefrog · August 2013

SHE has decided nothing. You and DH need to discuss what you two will do with YOUR baby.

I agree, this is a husband issue.

A

notkateanymore · August 2013

I would tell him that those aren't decisions he gets to make on his own or with his mommy. What did you say when he told the doctor that? WTF?

happyturtle03 · August 2013

Stand your ground because if you don't it will only get worse. These decisions are for you and your husband to make and he needs to be the first one to understand that. His mother is going to share her opinion, probably nothing you can do about that, but he needs to be able to tell her thanks for the input, but that's for my wife and I to discuss and decide. If he can't/isn't willing to do that, a counselor might be a good idea. As far as birthing center and OB goes, yes your hubby's input matters, and you should definitely discuss it between the two of you, but YOU get final say there, this is your body, you need to be comfortable! Giving birth is a big deal and if you are not happy and comfortable, then it affects the birth. That's not to say complications might not happen anywhere, but if you set yourself up for the best most comfortable situation for you, then that puts you in a much better starting place. You have to be comfortable with your Dr, this is THE most intimate Dr/Patient relationship you will ever have, I mean seriously, they stick their hands up in your hoo-ha, so no one else has the right to choose for you. You need to be able to trust this Dr with your life and with your baby's life, this is not a decision that anybody else can just make for you, especially based on where someone else thinks you should deliver. Sorry you are dealing with this situation.

happyturtle03 · August 2013

Ok, this is so wrong, I know, but it's meant to make you laugh in a stressful situation, but you could always show him this

Enami · August 2013

Stand your ground now! Listen to your husband's concerns if they're legit, but ultimately the call is yours. And at least one of you needs to sit the MIL down and grind into her brain what decisions she gets to make, none, and what rights she has, none, and who is in charge of the kid, you. I had, and still have, MIL control issues (that wench saw my DS before me, along with the rest of DH family).

tattooedtragedy · August 2013

OK I agree with PPs that state this is a HUSBAND problem. You two need to communicate! Neither one of you should be making these kind of unilateral decisions- I think people sometimes forget that a big part of a successful relationship is teamwork/communication

TsengAkera · August 2013

You need to tell your MIL where to stick it, this is your and your husbands baby. It is your decision where you go, who you see and where you drop the baby off. I can understand wanting to see the baby but saying once your maternity leave is over you HAVE to drop is off at her house every morning.. she's acting like this is her baby.

If your husband really has cowed down to his mother you need to take him by the balls and remind him that he does in fact still have them and needs to use them. You do what is best for the baby.. not what will make an overly controlling Mother in law happy.

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