Do you lie to your ped?

ReeceFamily · August 2013

DD has her 7 mo checkup and vaccinations on Friday. I like our pediatrician, but he is more conservative/mainstream on some issues than I am. While I know it is important to be honest with him about all medical matters, I'm not sure if I'm going to broach other child-rearing or lifestyle choices with him. For example, he wants me to feed LO rice cereal for the iron supplement, but I'm doing BLW and not planning on spoon-feeding her any cereal at this point. LO gets approx 12 oz of formula/day (in addition to all the BM she can take), and the formula is supplemented with iron, so I'm not too concerned about that. And I'm not sure it's worth broaching the topic with him, or just smiling and nodding (which is what I have been doing up to now).

How do you all handle philosophical differences with your ped? Am I being really lame/counterproductive by not being totally upfront with him?

Stefibeth · August 2013

I definitely fib. I don't see a problem with it when it's issues about ideals not lining up. I think the better option would be to find a care provider whose ideals align better with your own, but whatever works.

Things I can remember: I told our ped DS was off his bottles long before he was, I tell her he drinks milk, he doesn't, I always say my babies are STTN even when they aren't because I know what her advice will be from experience, today I tried to dance around the solids issue, but I eventually told her we're doing BLW because she wanted more info.

I don't think it's lame/counterproductive not to be upfront when you don't really care what their opinion is on the topic. For example, I know she wanted DS off a bottle and onto cow's milk in a cup at 12mo. I wasn't comfortable with that so I just told her it happened when it didn't. Why tell the truth when you know it goes against what they're going to say, KWIM? It's just side stepping a convo you don't really care to have. I also do a lot of smiling and nodding.

Again, I think your best course of action is just to find a pedi who will be more knowledgeable/supportive of your choices, but I know that's easier said than done.

martha919 · August 2013

Yeah, I definitely fib occasionally. Like PP said, if I know what they're going to say because we've already discussed it or because of how the question was asked ("you're not doing THAT are you?!"), then I'll avoid an annoying convo.

Mom2anAngel2 · August 2013

I have always been honest, mostly because I believe enough in the way I am raising DS to defend it. I guess the fact that I also work in medicine that I actually have similar views as our pedi. Most times I have already begun doing the advise that he would give prior to him giving it, which he find funny every time.

I think I would switch docs if I didn't feel that I could be honest with him. But that is just me. If you like your pedi I guess it is not a big deal to fib a bit.

LovelyLou23 · August 2013

PrivacyWanted said:

I think a pedi is there for medical issues not parenting. with DD I actually changed my pedis mind about BLW. But that was after we switched at 4m because the old pedi insisted we feed her rice cereal. Personally I think insisting on rice cereal is really out of date and it's enough to change my doctor. Now I don't fib but I do avoid questions. like "how's sleep?". "Good" is my answer rather than elaborating

Totally agree. It's made me pretty mad in the past, but I've come to terms with the fact that there are some parents who actually need all the "rules/guidelines" about parenting issues, so I'm more ok with the fact that she presents her "opinion" (which is just following the AAP).

About a year ago, our pedi noticed DD had a heart murmur, and she send us to a cardiologist to have it checked out. (everything is fine--it's an innocent murmur) But I always think--THAT is why I take my kids to get checked by a doctor. Not to hear advice on how to get my kid to sleep or how to stop throwing tantrums.

AshleyDehaven · August 2013

I am on pedi number 4 to give you some indication of how i feel on the subject.. I guess a lot of people would consider me "crunchy" though i really don't feel that i am. I cloth diaper, we didn't circ, and i skipped rice cereal in favor of more nutritious first foods, i also do a combo of purees and whole foods. Doctors who are way behind on knowledge make me crazy. Like i have yet to find one where we live that knew that infant tylenol was discontinued more then a year ago. None of them knew the appropriate dosage for the newer acetomenophin suspension meds. It makes me nuts. So yeah, i'll fib, and then i will look again. I have gotten lectured on everything from cloth diapers being "unsanitary" to not circumcising being irresponsible.

st.augbride · August 2013

I lie about sleep. Our ped practice advises everyone to do extinction CIO at 4 months! With ds, we freaked out and even tried once over fear that we were doing damage by him not getting 12 hours straight each night. Then I learned that 1) it doesn't work for my kid, 2) I HATE extinction CIO, and 3) ds started STTN on his own at 14 months old. So now for dd, when they gave me the CIO talk, I just smiled and 'uh-huhed' my way through.

Stefibeth · August 2013

AshleyDehaven said:

I have gotten lectured on everything from cloth diapers being "unsanitary" to not circumcising being irresponsible.

Yikes! Yeah, that would be more than enough motivation for me to follow through with switching.

I know that our pedi probably isn't the best fit for our style of parenting, which isn't great because I don't feel like I can use her as a resource for those types of questions, but at least she's not super pushy or overly opinionated.

miss.brittany · August 2013

I haven't fibbed to our pediatrician. We interviewed him before our LO was born and were very up front about decisions we planned to make for our daughter. He was supportive but he tends to play the politically correct card, "Well I will always suggest what the AAP recommends but at the end of the day it's your decision to make." So he's been pretty chill. He never forced me to supplement even when we were going in for weekly weight checks in the beginning. He had no problem with us delaying all of her shots. And now he lets our daughter do a slower shot schedule. She only gets 1/2 at each visit and then we go back the next month for the others so that way she only gets maybe 2 at a time instead of 3 and 4. He has never said anything about our cloth diapers but it is funny to watch him try to snap it back together! Haha. He wanted LO to start some sort of iron intake but he told us we could do cereal or foods like spinach. And I actually mentioned BLW at her 4 month checkup and he had never heard of it so he agreed to research it. At her 6 month checkup he had read up on it and he said that he felt it was just another method of introducing solids and that he didn't see any reason why we couldn't do it if that was the approach we wanted to take. (I was absolutely shocked by the way!!)

So anyways, information about my pediatrician isn't helpful for you but what I'm getting at is that it is possible to find one that you get along with or who can at least respect your decisions as the parent. In my opinion I think it's important to be honest in case it eventually is relevant to their medical care. Maybe you should consider interviewing other local pediatricians to see if you find someone you like better.

ohiodoxiemama08 · August 2013

I don't lie to my pedi...there's definitely subjects that I just kind of nod and smile about. Especially suggesting rice cereal. She made it seem like a definite for at least one meal and I decided to skip it. Also we offered fruits before her suggestion.

However, my sister is a peditrician and though I do occasionally ask her questions when I don't feel like calling my own pedis office and being put on hold I also hate talking about parenting/DDs medical care with her. Though she is up to date with most of the AAPs reccomendations she is also very traditional medicine only where I am more crunchy and open to holistic medicine.

For example I mentioned I wanted to look into probiotics to help in developing a healthy gut for DD and she snubbed that idea saying "no real research behind it". I politely said I'd do my own research and moved on. She may be a pedi but she's not a mom yet so the day to day parenting issues are mine!

Chappy_jr · August 2013

We haven't had any reason to lie or dance around things. Our pediatricians seem mostly interested in health issues than parenting decisions. They asked about sleep and night feedings but it was clear that they just wanted to make sure that his habits were healthy (that he is sleeping, that he is eating enough). They told us that he probably doesn't need to nurse at night any more but that there is nothing wrong with it if we don't mind continuing. Both the young female RN and the male MD admitted on separate occasions how long it took them, personally, to night wean. And the older male MD commented on DS's cloth diaper with, "I like your spiffy drawers" (we live in the South).

twobytwomom · August 2013

We haven't had to fib or hide anything from the pedi, but I agree with the poster that said they are there for medical advise, not parenting advise. Either smile, nod and do your own research or look for a pedi who is more in-line with your thinking/parenting.

MelissaRae1525 · August 2013

I don't out right lie but I don't volunteer info she might not agree with. Today she reminded us we needed to lower his crib mattress and the kid has slept in his crib exactly 0 times. We bed share and I've researched it and it works for us. I asked if I could skip cereals and she said that was fine. Today she asked how the food was going and I said didn't like purées and we were just giving him mushy whole foods and she said it was fine. If she disagreed on all of our decisions I would try to switch but there aren't many pedis on our insurance plan.

KikiSmash12 · August 2013

Yes, I do some fibbing. I decided not to give DD the vitamin D drops the pedi recommended. I smiled and nodded when she asked if we gave them. We live in Texas and DD gets more than enough sun to get the vitamin D she needs. I mentioned we were giving her finger foods but didn't really give details about BLW. I'm confident our decisions.

this decaf life · August 2013

I definitely fib.

carriesu2003 · August 2013

Wait what! Infant tylenol? I am a lurker from the Feb boards. It is getting stale over there because everyone is leaving and going to facebook. I don't know if you guys have talked about this at length but could you elaborate?

financialdiva · August 2013

No, I do not lie to my pediatrician. She makes suggestions on what she believes in and most of the time it's in line with my parenting philosophy.

Stefibeth · August 2013

carriesu2003 said:

Wait what! Infant tylenol? I am a lurker from the Feb boards. It is getting stale over there because everyone is leaving and going to facebook. I don't know if you guys have talked about this at length but could you elaborate?

They just changed the concentration so that it only comes in one version. They used to have separate infant and children's versions and now it's all the same concentration but with different dosing instructions. Basically, just make sure you're following the directions on the bottle of medication rather than assuming you know what the dosage is.

At least I think this is what we're talking about. I remember there being quite a bit of chatter about this a couple of years ago.

Wild_flower25 · August 2013

yes, I have. I disagreed with her on a lot of suggestions she made when V fell off the growth chart to get her weight up sp I did it my way instead. Well, my way worked and she gained weight.

I could look for a new pedi that is more in line with my thinking, but my main issue with her is her lack of knowledge about bfing. I'll be done with that by the time she's 1, so I don't feel the need to spend energy finding a new doctor for only a few months. To me, the pedi is for medical issues and vaccinations, that is all. Now, if she had a health issue that required more visits, I might consider hunting for a new one but at this point, it's not worth it.

==N== · August 2013

I've never had to. She's there for health issues and never really asks about parenting stuff. She asks where she sleeps and what she's eating but that's pretty much it.

Wild_flower25 · August 2013

I dont' think it's bad when they ask where they are sleeping. I work in cps and have seen too many sids and unsafe pnp situations where babies die. They don't assume we're all knowledgable parents who know how to co-sleep safely, they really can't. They are more so doing a welfare check because they have no idea what the child's home life is like.

Minipenguin · August 2013

I'd be worried that something would happen and he wouldn't have a full picture of LO's health. Like, maybe LO really isn't getting enough iron and that's something he should know.

I kind of lie by omission. My pedi is really laid back and nice, he's really pushy about vaccinations but we're getting those anyway. I still am afraid to get judged, though, so I didn't tell him that we let her eat unpureed peaches, oranges, a handful of cheerios, unpureed turkey, and several other things. She's great with the foods and never chokes so I don't really see a problem. I don't think I would outright lie if he asked, though.

bennikki · August 2013

We have a family practice doctor, so my Dr. is also DS's Dr., and I've always been very honest about myself and DS. I love my doctor, he was the top family practice doc in MN as voted by his piers a few years back. I will say my Dr. is very comfortable with things "outside the box." I think that comes with being a family practice doc instead of a more area focused OB or Pedi. Also, he's a researcher, so when I told him I switched to a Paleo diet and took herbs and my ovulation cycle returned after 2 years, 2 OB's, and an RE were unable to do it, he just said, do what you need to do to. I'm honest because I've never had any sort of hint of judgement from him, so I don't feel a need to hide anything.

rockyrollgirl · August 2013

No, I havn't really needed to.

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